my friends boyfriend cheated on her many times and she would say she wouldnt take him back any more but ended up with him again people thought she was dumb for taking him back and he would do it again even when he promised NOT to do it again. Help she needs your advice on this!!!!!
2007-01-31 07:31:01 · 62 answers · asked by esmer_nena 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Once OK
twice most likely not.
3 times or more you're just dumb
2007-01-31 07:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is a question of being wrong, as much as a question of how much heartbreak can she take? IMO, every time she takes him back, she is essentially telling him it's okay for him to to it again. Even though he may think it's great that she keeps taking him back, think about it, her actions show she doesn't respect herself, so how could he respect her? I am guessing that after each time she takes him back and he cheats again, she feels bad and foolish for falling for his BS another time. Then, time passes and that hurt isn't so raw so she convinces herself THIS TIME will be different. Am I close? You didn't mention age and in most thing in life, age isn't a huge deal. BUT, if she is still a young lady, on down the road she is going to look back and wish she'd been stronger and wiser and treated HERSELF better by ending it WAY sooner. When you are in love, no matter your age, it is hard to see clearly so it is good she has a friend like you!
2007-01-31 07:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by 8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well honey everyone makes mistakes, though in my opinion cheating is the one thing that doesn't deserve forgiveness. Once a cheater always a cheat, and if she's taking him back after he cheated on her more than once than she still has hope that he will change, unfortunately that's not going to happen so she's wasting her time. Cheating isn't only cheating, it's lying, it's buring someone's trust, and sneaking around someone's back, he's totally disregarding her feelings and telling her: Yeah I'm going to see other women but I want to be with you. No. Things are only going to get worse. You're friend also needs help because she is staying with him. Unless she changes the situation, it won't change. It's hard to leave someone who you think loves you and you think you love them, but it's not love. Love doesn't hurt. Someone who loves you won't hurt you on purpose and not care about how their actions are going to effect you.She's hurting herself and putting herself through unneccessary hurt. Tell her to leave him alone, now he doesn't have to cheat and she's free to move on to whomever she desires and when the right guy comes along just don't make him pay for the mistakes of some jerk who doesn't even deserve to lick the bottom of her dirty shoes. I wish your friend the best!
2007-01-31 07:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by April 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to take someone back after they have cheated, it's just not smart. Are details of my answer REALLY necessary...it's common sense. C'mon! Talk to her and have her step outside of the relationship and look at it from a different angle, maybe she will see what a ridiculous mistake it is on her part. Help her to get some self-confidence and some guts and to stop being a doormat. If she wants to be with him, though, she will, no matter how sad the situation is. You might just have to wait until she comes to her own realization that the whole relationship is screwed.
2007-01-31 07:38:00 · answer #4 · answered by polishedamethyst 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong, or right to take him back. Simply it is her life. Some people male or female cheat no matter what they say no matter how sorry they say they are.
When you care about someone and want them in your own life you have to come to a point where you say ok I know who you are and I accept you for who you are. Or you say I care about you, but I want and deserve something more, and so I am walking away.
But only she can come to that decision. For some casual sex outside of the relationship is not that big of a deal. For others if they are in a commited relationship they expect, need, and demand monogamy.
it seems that she is not ready to end things.
The advice you say she needs isn't advice, it is questions, questions she needs to ask herself.
Does she love him?
Does she hate what he is doing when he cheats?
Does she love him more than she hates the cheating?
Does she hate the cheating more than she loves him?
Now for very important questions.
How does she really feel about his cheating?
Is it affecting her self image? Self esteem?
Is it making her emotional ill, or depressed?
If so how is that affecting the other people in her life?
If it is making her so emotionally of even physically ill over this issue, does he know how it makes her feel?
Shouldn't he care enough about her in return for her feelings to matter?
If he doesn't then shouldn't she start caring enough about her self to put her own wants, wishes, and desires first?
So now back to the first questions to know her own wants,
Ideally it seems she wants him and wants him to not cheat.
At this point she has learned she can have him but he will cheat.
So now the question is does she still want him on those terms?
She is going to have to ask herself those questions, the answers may help her to move on, or to find acceptance in her relationship as it is. Either way it is going to be up to her.
He has no reason to stop cheating he knows she will keep accepting it.
2007-01-31 07:43:35 · answer #5 · answered by nowment 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the important thing is trust....and this man has violated her trust. i had a guy cheat on me four times and we finally called it off for good (after the onagain offagain). since then i have not been able to stand for it. the biggest problem is trust. i am not one of those people who is so closed minded to say 'once a cheater, always a cheater...' that is not necessarily true. you can't judge a person. but from now on this girl will be wondering if he is being honest and have to worry about leaving him alone. that is damaging to any relationship. if you really love someone, you respect them enough to be honest...did this girl 'find out' or did he tell her? that's important, too. i am not suggesting that she break up, just like that, but i do think that she should consider whether or not this is the one for her. and she can't just consider her feelings...where does she see it going? if you think that he will continue the behavior based on his personality, then she should probably call it off. delaying the enevitable only wastes time. the longer you take to call it off, the more attached she'll be and the more pain she'll go through.
2007-01-31 07:39:52 · answer #6 · answered by simple 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy is only treating her how she is letting him treat her. If she keeps putting up with it, he'll keep doing it. Why would he leave her? He has a good thing going for him, he can cheat all he wants and still stay with her b/c she allows it. She needs to get a back bone and just end it once and for all. Of course it will be hard at first, but once a few days go by, I'm sure her head will clear and she will realize what an idiot she is for letting herself get treated this way.
2007-01-31 07:36:34 · answer #7 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why ask when I believe u & her already know the answer? Ur friend has discarted her common sense! She's so taken with this guy, she left her self respect, her pride and the value of who she is behind.
Til she loves herself & realizes just how special she is. That she is worth a man respecting her, loving her and committed to her. Why endure betrayal, violence and belittling she faces in her peers, family, and friends.
Sounds like she needs to leave this guy, and both of them need serious maturity before going into other relationships. She can have a good time going out with friends and not having to sleep with anyone. Learning to stand alone is key into moving on into committed relationships. Never let anyone take your selfworth and respect. Ever!!!
2007-01-31 07:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by Staci 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe.... depending upon many things, such as age, length of relationship, maturity and more. being monogamous is going against nature and though people can be monogamous it's not that easy...as we see here in the questions that are put out almost every minute on the subject. some people can forgive murder, some cant. some can forgive infidelity some cant.
it's entirely dependant on the two individuals and what they experienced in life, what they can handle or not. you love, but then you hurt and hate. it's a thing that isnt such a cut and dry answer. emotional or physical infidelity is a touchy subject.
peace
2007-01-31 07:40:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there I got back with a ex and still now a ex who cheated like most say once a cheater always a cheater. Once my ex and I got back togeather he was back to him the same old self. He cheated again! So tell her not to do it. Cause she will only get hurt over and over again. No point in opening yourself back up to that!
2007-01-31 07:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not "wrong", but it isn't very wise.
I've been there. I'm sure your friend knows that she's being played. The problem is that she is "available" each time he comes back.
What your friend needs to do is MOVE ON, not with just anyone though! She needs to find someone who treats her so well, she forgets about her ex totally, then when he tries to come back, she will be more able to say NO and mean it.
2007-01-31 07:40:22 · answer #11 · answered by Mommy of 3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋