What to do if a mother you dislike in the same moms group keeps inviting you to playdates?

Question

After this mom asked me to do something for her family that could have ended my husband's career... I avoid going to group get togethers if she is there. She sends me emails requesting that we get together. I just want her to get the clue.

I have no intentions of leaving the group. My son (and myself) have already made friends and I would not deny him seeing them. Fortunately, for me she does not attend most playdates.

Answer 1

Keep turning her down, she'll get the message. Might take longer than youd like, but keep doing it. She'll finally give up.


M

Answer 2

I have no idea what this woman could have asked of you that would be so devastating, but I would hope it was pretty bad for you to have such strong thoughts on the matter, and that you are not exaggerating for the sake of this post.

It's not fair for you to deny your child the chance to see his friends just because of who their parents are. If your child is in a "playgroup", he must be young enough that whoever he spends time with won't exactly influence his religious/politcal beliefs, so don't refuse to take him to events he wants to attend - *you* are the grown-up here, and you need to act like one.

That said, if this is such a big issue for you, get yourself into a different group. There are dozens upon dozens of places where you can connect with other mothers and their children, from preschools to playgrounds to religious organizations. Go somewhere else so you no longer have to interact with the person who makes you so uncomfortable and make some new friends for you and your child.

If your nemesis continues contacting you after you have moved on, simply state that your new obligations prevent you from attending that event and leave it at that. You don't need to explain or accuse or even continue to respond. If you've been answering emails because you know she'll ask why you didn't next time she sees you, don't let her see you. Move on.

Answer 3

a lot of it comes down to what was asked of you, that could have ended your husband's career

but if that's really the case, there's no way you want someone like that near you

if it's something you can explain to your son, and you're convinced he's mature enough to keep a confidence, do so

then, if you can, just tell the woman you're uncomfortable about what happened, that you wish her well, but that the situation makes you uncomfortable around her

some might say this is holding a grudge, but i dont - there are people out there that will casually ruin you for a small benefit to themselves, and these people would generally not give you the time of day, after you go down

Answer 4

Mysterious Gryphon's answer was a good one...

I'd like to add that if you really don't want to leave the group, you can refuse her invitations diplomatically. "We're busy that day," or "We've got plans" works in a lot of situations like this one. (Really making yourself busy at those times helps a lot too!)

A good preventive tactic--to avoid getting her emails in the first place--is the good ol' Yahoo! mail filter. You can block her emails before they even reach your mailbox. There are a couple of ways to do this. Click on Yahoo! Help for more information.

Answer 5

If you did something that could end your husband career can she still get you in trouble? If she can..I would try and not make her mad. If she can't just keep making excuses..she'll eventually get the message.

Answer 6

The best way for her to get the clue would be no response. She will eventually get the hint.

Answer 7

Tell her that you are too busy on the days that there is no playgroup to get together with other people.

Answer 8

explain to her that your husbands career is more important to you than doing things for or with her.
his career is sensitive and you have to be careful of what you do and who you associate with.

Answer 9

ok the best thing to do is to say your kids have lice- its as simple as that!