what can i do to control my 3yr.old & for her not to control me?

Question

she cries and cries louder and kicks, screams, jumps, hits,what can i do for her to calm down and for me to control her, not for her to control us as parents. we give her what she wants to stop teh crying and we know that is wrong, she knows she can control us by being loud. turning off teh t.v does not work, time out does not work..nothing works to control her. what can we do? what ideas do you have that will teach her what is ok and not ok. we don't want to dicipline her by spankinking. we were beat when young and it gets uglyier.

please excuse my terrible spelling!

Answer 1

Well since you've ruled out spanking only thing I can recommend is stand your ground and don't be pushovers.
If you give in every time she has a tantrum then she'll continue to have tantrums, it's only logical. She's a toddler now not a baby so you can't continue to pacify her like shes a baby, or you'll only be doing her an injustice in the long run, by allowing her to develop into that kind of person.
Giving her a little discipline now will make her a better person , give her more respect and appreciation for you as parents, and make you job as parents a little easier down the road.

Answer 2

don't do the "let me talk to you and explain things routine." I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 year old and the best thing to do when they start acting up is to walk away. No words. Nothing. Your child makes a scene because that's how she's getting your attention. If you stop giving her attention when she's acting up, and only give her attention when she's playing nicely, being helpful, etc...then she'll learn quickly that having a tantrum doesn't work. Be prepared to listen to a lot of screaming and yelling but if you stick to your guns, she'll learn that that technique doesn't work on you anymore. If she does it out in public, like at a a restaurant, give her a warning first that if she doesn't behave, you're going home. Then if she keeps up, calmly pick her up, don't say anything, carry her out to the car, and go home. Actions speak louder than words. And spanking is useless. It just shows kids that hitting is the way to get people to do what you want when you're frustrated. I've never spanked and get lots of compliments from strangers on how well behaved my kids are.

Answer 3

My daughter isn't 3 yet but will be in 4 months and she acts the same way. For her though what i think is best is 1 of 3 things. Try to calm her down, teach her that big girls dont act like this, and take away a favorite toy and tell her she gets it back if she stops. Also try to ignore her, turn you head, walk away,shes only doing it for attention and knows she will get her way with you. Or three the hardest of all,close her in her room, place her in the bed and tell her not to get up, give her quiet time to think about what she did wrong, no spanking required, and it will also give you guys time to cool off and then youll see that when you walk back in there she will be calmer and you can explain to her that she needs to stop acting like that and tell her you love her and dont do this to be mean but to teach her she dont always get her way.

Answer 4

I have dealt with this so many times in my little girls life... I have rules in my home, her father does not. So, she comes home after every other weekend and raises hell. I have found that with much patience, it is possible to get thru these phases. I take a day or 2, and crack down on EVERYTHING. If she mouths off, she gets a warning, then if she continues she gets something nasty (yet safe) in her mouth (Im sure by now your child has a food that she hates... I use mustard because my daughter cant STAND it lol). If she throws a temper tantrum, she gets a warning, then if that doesnt work I put her in her room, explain WHY, and close the door until shes done. If she screams... I pretend I cant hear her until she lowers her voice. I NEVER raise my voice (which can be hard out of frustration), but you cant let your daughter see that she's getting to you. These things they do are all about attention. Remain calm and in control, and eventually she'll tire out of trying to get to you, and return to her sweet self. It might take 2 or 3 days of constant struggle, but it's definately worth it.

Answer 5

Quit giving her what she wants. Put her down and let her kick and scream and throw her fit. As long as she is not hurting you or herself, ignore her. She will get over it. It might be tough on you for a little while, but you'll all get over it.
Give up on the time outs. After a certain point, they don't work.
If you need to move her away from the tv area, pick her up and put her in her room. If she comes out, keep putting her back in there.
I do believe that some children do need a little swat on the rear every now and them. I'm not saying spank her, and I defininetly would never beat a child. But ou need to put your foot down now. You are not there to be her friend. You are there to be a parent and a teacher. It's tough, but somebody's got to do it.

Answer 6

you need to set boundaries before it's too late because this is not ok (in fact this is one of my pet peeves of parents)! She is three years old, and she learns from you, so if you continue to allow it it's going to get worse.

try time out again..(set aside a chair or mat and make her sit for 3 mins - her age)...

do not scream back at her, that just teaches her that being loud is ok....

get down to her level..kneel, squat and look her right in the eye and use a strong tone of voice, not mean, but very serious.

tell her that if she is not going to be quiet in public then she doesn't get to go out to fun places.

it really comes down to being the parent...and not vise versa. there are many options and you need to make one work before it's too late

Answer 7

Perhaps you should rethink spanking. Good spanking is NEVER done in anger! When they do something inappropriate, you remove them from the situation, you explain what they did wrong, and that they will be punished. Expose their bottom and give them 1-3 whacks. Then COMFORT them, tell them you love them, reiterate you are the boss, review what they did wrong, hug them. See when it's done lovingly, it's a wonderful method to discipline your children, and you only have this window of opportunity for so long.