I'm sure I'm not the only one losing their mind over their MIL but I don't know how to deal with her.
I gave in and took some friends that I wasn't super close with off my gues list to let her have some more of her family, now I've stopped and my fiancee and I agreed not to let her invite her 3 aunts that neither of us know and she is angry.
Another time she asked what I was doing with my hair, I said I wasn't sure, probably do it myself due to having to pay for that part myself. She asked what if her hair dresser would do it for free and I said that would be great. I assumed it was an offer but did mention it for a couple months. Now, my fiance has asked her about it and it turns out that she was just talking with nothing to back it up. She also said "well she probably would have done her hair... If she had been invited to the wedding"
Like I said I am crunching the guest list and don't feel it's necessary to invite her hair dresser.
Am I being unreasonable or is she?
2007-01-31 07:17:12 · 28 answers · asked by pooleka 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well if you ask me and you are..I would have to say your mil is being very unreasonable. Evidently she has missed the entire meaning of your wedding day..Its a day for you and your fiance to celebrate the joining of your lives! Don't give into her she is acting like a brat. The best thing to do is to just ignore her. she has issues.
2007-01-31 07:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who's wedding is this really??????
come on.... her hair dresser, i mean there's no need for that...lol
i know how u feel cause i just got married in October and went through the same thing...... my mother in law even told me if i didn't invite some of her friends that she wasn't coming.... and i told her that's i didn't have anymore seat and that if her friends are more important then her only sons wedding then fine don't bother coming .... and u know after i put my foot down she backed off and let us do what we wanted and she showed up at our wedding (of course)
So u need to put ur foot down and remember that its ur wedding day (and ur husbands) and that u guys need to be happy with the out come of it.... U can't make everyone happy while planning ur wedding.... so ya some feet will be stepped on and maybe some feelings will be hurt but it will only be the greedy and jealous people that do get hurt and they will get over it .... My only advice to u is that u do things the way u want them cause u will regret it in the end and u don't want to look back at ur wedding day and regret half of it.
Best of Luck!!!
2007-01-31 07:32:27 · answer #2 · answered by laydenirvine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough...I don't think you should invite the hair dresser. Who is payi ng for the wedding? You or your parents? Typically...family of the parents is invited...so I'd say the Aunts should be in. The hair dresser should not!
Have you explained to her that your finances are tight and you are keeping the guest list small to fit your budget? Allow her to have some say in other details of the wedding...maybe she feels left out?
Over all...remember...you will have to deal with this woman as your mother-in-law and as a grandmother to your children. It is in your very best interest not to sweat the small stuff.
If she's really driving you nuts, ask your fiance to step in and deal with his Mom.
2007-01-31 07:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by Misty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lesson 1:
I had some MIL hell when I was planning my wedding. My husband and I were paying for it, and my dad kicked in a few thousand. The invitation was from us, and mentioned my father's name. She sent me a very rude email about the wording on the invite, when they didn't pay for a thing (we even had to pay for them to come)!
What I learned was, let your fiance deal with his mother. As soon as he stepped up and said something, the snippy behavior stopped.
Lesson 2:
I had a very strict limit on 95 people invited because of my very strict budget. My parents were piling on their own cousins and friends that I had never met onto the guest list. I told them that they could invite whomever they wanted, but they'd have to pay for each person over 95. They cut their "wish list" down to their closest friends and relatives, and then wrote a check to cover the cost.
What I learned was, he who pays makes the guest list. He who wants more guests added can write a check.
2007-01-31 09:31:41 · answer #4 · answered by lickitysplit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your future husband is doing well to present a united front with you to his mother. This is not a question of being reasonable.
1. Treat all further comments from her as only pleasant conversation. Ignore the catty comments and snide remarks.
2. Do not take any help nor any money from her if offered.
3. Respond to further requests that the guest list is a done deal.
For this MIL, it's spelled CONTROL.
2007-01-31 07:26:32 · answer #5 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wedding is not fee-for-service. Only people who are important to you and your fiancee should be invited. I would make some allowances for the parents' wishes, but it's not their wedding.
Just ignore her. She probably doesn't mean anything by it---half the time, she's probably thinking out loud, and she's probably so ADD at this point she gets 100 ideas a day and can't follow through on any of them.
This too shall pass.
2007-01-31 07:22:50 · answer #6 · answered by Karen M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my husband & I were planning our wedding my inlaws caused more stress then what it was worth. I finnally had enough and found the best way to handle it was not discuss it with them I let my husband handle his parents. Your husband should tell his mother how many people she can invite and get a list. If she adds any more to the list then advise her of the amount of money she owe's if she can not pay for the extra people then ask her to narrow the list down. This should not come from you this needs to come from the groom.
2007-01-31 08:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there. i have some issues that are the same like you, even worst. first of all it you are not being unreasonble, she is. second make sure your soon to be husband is on your side! third is the most difficult, tell your mother in law its your wedding! YOUR wedding, not hers. YOU need and can bring whoever you want! Lokk i cant stick up for myself ever with my mother in law and im a sad girl b/c of it . say wants on your mind do not be afraid like i am and suffer. and if you think you MIL is going be an ashole. and yout fiance is not supporting you. its not the right family for you . now i have a one yr old son and my MIL tells me how to raise him. you dont want this
2007-01-31 08:46:22 · answer #8 · answered by Jilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation.....and you aren't being unreasonable at all. This is YOUR day and she needs to remember that.
Now, with that being said, I wish I had better advice to give you. My fiance and I have sat her down and tried to let her know we don't need or want her help with the planning of our wedding, but she apparently doesn't hear us when we speak.
So, all I can say to you is just grin and bear it. Your wedding is going to be BEAUTIFUL whether your MIL makes nasty comments or she doesn't.
Good luck and best wishes!
2007-01-31 08:29:11 · answer #9 · answered by AmyB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha ! It's YOUR day, be a ruthless *****, throw a hissy fit and demand YOUR way, coz you're the one who counts the most. The wedding is all 'bout the bride, not the mother in law.
You're damn right it's not necessary to invite a random hair dresser. lol, that idea is laughable.
Stick up for yourself.
2007-01-31 07:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by Jus P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋