My mother, MIL and maid of honor through me a surprise bridal shower for me and invited a lot of people. When they planned this they knew it would not be a gigantic wedding and now I'm feeling guilty that I can't invite all these women to the wedding, and am considering taking off people I'd like but were not invited to the bridal shower off the list to invite these women?
I was so glad to have all of these women there and so grateful but many of them I didn't know and my hall can only hold 110 people and I've already limited the number of my friends due to inviting my GIGANTIC family (6 siblings on each side plus spouses and older cousins and spouses)
Is it Wrong of me to leave my friends on the guest list who weren't at the shower and leave those my Mother and MIL invited that I don't know off the guest list?
2007-01-31 07:10:47 · 12 answers · asked by pooleka 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have to say they were wrong. Usually only those invited to the wedding are invited to the bridal shower. Even thought it was a suprise, you mum should have asked your for your list so she could plan accordingly. (I assume you and your future husband are paying for the wedding?) If so, the pair of you know your budget and know how many and whom you planned to invite. They should have respected that and planned your shower accordingly. Your only responsibility at this point is to send out thanks for the gifts.. Click on the link below and read down to the bottom concerning who to invite to showers.
2007-01-31 07:23:40 · answer #1 · answered by what's up? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong. You had no idea that your MIL and MOH were inviting all those women. Your MOH should have known better or asked you - every bride has a shower before the wedding, so there really was no need to make it a surprise. What I would do is send each woman a thank you note for the shower gift, and for the women who aren't invited to the wedding, you can add a thoughtful line of something like along the lines of wishing you could have the world witness your wedding, but unfortunately space is limited...bla bla bla. Be nice and sincerely apologetic (and it appears that it does in fact bother you). As for your friends who didn't make it to the shower, unless attending your shower (which was a surprise and may have conflicted with their schedules) was a prerequisite for attending your wedding, then no, I would not take them off the invitee list. Your closest friends will be deeply hurt if you don't invite them. Good luck.
2007-01-31 15:28:05 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong! It's YOUR wedding. You don't want strangers there, you want your close friends and relatives. Send these other people a very nice heartfelt thank you card telling them how much you liked the specific gift they gave you and how you plan to use it after your married. Like, thanks so much for the coffee maker, I'm looking forward to our first cup as a married couple. If you mother or mil has a problem with it, tell them it's your wedding. It's your day, and you don't want to look back on it with regret. You aren't being rude to these people, your mother and mil are because I'm sure they knew you had limited space. If they didn't know, they should've asked. There were ways they could've asked without giving away the surprise.
2007-01-31 16:30:40 · answer #3 · answered by benjis.girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your wedding and it was not your idea to have the shower and invite your mother and your MIL friends.
These women attended the bridal shower because they are friends of your mother or MIL and should not expect to be invited to the wedding.
2007-01-31 15:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by shortimer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guest list stands. If you have properly thanked those who attended your shower, your obligation to them has ended. They were guests of your mother, MIL and MOH, not your guests, so any further social obligation is in the hands of the hostesses.
If it makes you feel any better, my husband's family is from a fairly small town in TN, and my MIL and husband's aunt threw a giant "bridal tea" for me. I swear every woman of age in town was invited to this thing. I don't even remember 10% of the guests, and only about 5 of them were invited to our actual wedding. It broke my hand, but every one of them got a handwritten thank you note within a week, and nobody thought twice about not being invited to the wedding.
2007-01-31 15:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by Karen M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that if you feel you dont want all those people there than dont invite them. My fiance and I are having alittle of the same problems. Our ceremony site only allows 100 people..115 with a few people standing. The problem is our family is huge. Mine is around 100..his around 250. We have been having to cut out alot of important people. My theory is if you havent spoke or seen these people in the last 5 years..im not inviting them. I know its sounds bad. But everyone knows that you have to do what you have to do. Good luck and I dont think you are doing anything wrong. JUst talk to your mom and mil and let them know the situation they put you in and how you feel.
2007-01-31 17:40:25 · answer #6 · answered by ALF08 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because people are invited to a shower does not mean you under obligation to invite them to the wedding. Its your wedding. Don't take off people you would really like to invite just to invite people from your showers. Another thing to remember is that not everyone you invite will attend the wedding so you maybe able to accomodate a few extra ladies.
2007-01-31 15:15:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow, they really put you in a tough situation. Discuss this with your mom, MIL and MOH. Ask them if they think these women think they will be invited, and if it will be a problem if they aren't. Because this was a surprise shower, the etiquette rules don't directly apply. Good luck!
2007-01-31 15:14:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your wedding invite those that you want at the wedding. Your family did their part for the shower but don't feel obligated to go over your limit.
2007-01-31 15:31:33 · answer #9 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is your wedding, not thiers. the list you came up with was people that you really wanted to come to your wedding.wouldnt you rather spend it with the people that you know and care about.you would only be letting yourself down.but you shouldnt feel bad for these other women either, a bridal shower is not an invite to the wedding, and many people will come to the showers to show thier support.they are not expecting to be invited.so go with your original list, you will regret it if you dont.and congratulations
2007-01-31 15:16:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋