2007-01-31 06:45:02 · 17 answers · asked by karenpoller 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I live with an alcoholic. Up until fairly recently he allowed the alcohol to run interference in our lives. E.G. ~ he wouldn't get a job. Stresses were on so there was also a lot of arguing. This is when drinking alcohol makes me see red. A good old friend said that: "If you can realize that you did not cause the problem and cannot cure it, then you can try to live with it..." I knew that I didn't cause the problem, but I kept trying to cure it for a long time. Didn't work, just made things worse. I had to come to grips with myself. Did I want to continue to live like this for the rest of my life? Of course, he did not want to attend AA. He likes drinking. So, then, I said that I cannot live like this anymore. Enough is enough. "If you don't care, neither do I...." I let him know that when he drinks responsibly, I don't have a concern. However, if it is wrecking our lives, then it is over for me. Alcoholics have good intentions, but let one drink pass through their mouth and all good intentions are flushed down the toilet. We are still together, but he is working steady right now. Alcohol is not at work with him. I am prepared to leave him if things turn around for the worse. I also work full time. I am not in debted to him in that way. He knows that I can move on. Sure I love him and would miss him with great passion. But like I said, if he doesn't care to help himself, why should I run myself down. Being an enabler is very easy to do. Alcoholics know that, so they work on every guilt scheme that they can find. Be prepared to stand your ground. It's all about you now. You cannot cure the alcoholic. You can't deal (reason) with an alcoholic. They need to face their issues for themselves. Remember that lots of homes have fallen apart because of alcohol. Sometimes they have to hit rock hard bottom before they get the picture. If the alcoholic that you are living with doesn't want to help himself, there is nothing that you can do. I'm sure that you have already discovered that. You need support group. You need to build yourself up and be strong to do whatever it is to have a good life for yourself. Thinking of you with all my heart. :) Signed, Been There
2007-01-31 07:20:29 · answer #1 · answered by Sherilynn B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
never take on any feelings of guilt
as adults they are responsible for themselves
make sure you know that you will be there for them but you will also need to be prepared to 'get tough' and make them leave the house if you cannot put up with it any more
sometimes they will need to reach 'rock bottom' before the can decide that the only way is up
good luck
2007-01-31 07:03:27 · answer #2 · answered by frogg135 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce them, tell them they are not welcomed in your life until they change. Or if you're really serious wait until you know that they're going to drink and drive have someone follow them and call the cops on them. I'm sorry I'm kinda bitter on the subject been there too many times.
2007-01-31 07:15:24 · answer #3 · answered by hotmamagrl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't, had it for seven years with my son. They have to want to help theirselves, it doesn't matter how much you preach or try to help, they just get worse. On a positive note, my son recently went to his GP on his own and sought help, something must have just clicked. If there is no aggression or violence try to ride the storm and not pressure too much and with a bit of luck the same might happen for you. I sympathise with you and wish you luck. x
2007-01-31 07:01:35 · answer #4 · answered by RUTH M 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
just stand back and watch them destroy themselves.
They have to hit rock bottom before they can start to come back up.
It's al just a cry for attention. All you can do, is be there for them when they decide enough is enough.
You can also give them money of course, if you are daft enough.
2007-01-31 06:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by Not Ecky Boy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go to Al-Anon. They teach you ways not to be an enabler. It's totally up to the alcoholic whether they stop drinking or not. I know you must be terribly frustrated.
2007-01-31 10:12:55 · answer #6 · answered by perplexed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't even clean them up or clean up their place until they realize that they are an Alcoholic. Hopefully when they do that then they can start a road of recovering..but its a long one though.
It would be best if you don't live with him/her either while they drinking themselves silly.
2007-01-31 06:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by Jadesparrow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
been there, done it....the only way to deal with it is by leaving....i know that sounds bad, but what else can you do in order to live a proper life....let them live in their drunken stupor and take yourself away from the situation
2007-01-31 07:01:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
run like hell in the opposite direction!
2007-01-31 07:55:05 · answer #9 · answered by dali 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience - unless they admit it and want help - show them the door
2007-01-31 06:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋