She lives with her mother and her mother does not reinforce any work ethics. She graduated over a year ago and I thought maybe she wanted a break from high school, but it seems she simply does not want to work or go to school.
2007-01-31 06:37:37 · 11 answers · asked by Joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The main question you need to ask her is why: Why does she not want to get a job? Maybe she thinks she can't do anything worthwhile or maybe she needs a ride, etc. Why does she not want to go to school? You need to discuss with her the options out there (part-timie student, full-time student, community college, technical school etc.)
Most kids have a real reason why they don't do something, so it is up to you to find out. And don't lecture, she will shut right off. Let her talk. Tell her you want to help her. Simply ask her what she wants to do with the rest of her life.
Its hard to parent in a split household, but my advice to you is to also talk to her mother. I know, I know, that's the LAST thing you want to do but unless you are both supporting her and helping move to a more productive outlook on life, it may not work.
Just ask her mother if she is willing to pay for her daughter for the rest of her life. I think she will team up with you.
Good luck.
2007-01-31 06:55:20 · answer #1 · answered by noodles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he really needs to get a grip, and a big talking to is in order. I would sit both him and your daughter down and explain the situation and problem. The best thing you can do is offer him a timeline in order to get things done, and even suggest help in finding him a new job. You do have to enforce that this isn't an acceptable behavior in your home, and that if he wants to stay there - he will have to earn his part. Take away any access to money or finances that you might be giving the guy. Perhaps going out with the guy and making suggestions at places he can work, or grabbing some applications from places and asking him to fill them out will also help. It sounds like he may be depressed to some degree, but yes: Especially with your daughter being pregnant he needs to be doing something productive. I know this one is harsh but while you're away - I'd take the computer/television chords out of the machines and stash them somewhere (like your purse). If he still won't comply with what you're asking him then it's time to let him learn the hard way. Tell him he can come back when he's learned to clean up his act and is working. Hope this is helpful.
2016-05-23 23:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If MOM won't reinforce any kind of work ethics there is very little you can do. As long as MOM let's her be a bum then WHY should she get up off her butt and find a job. 10 yrs from now when she turn out to be completely worthless MOM will be the one saying WHAT HAPPENED to our daughter. And she will probably blame you for the way she turned out. Go figure.
2007-01-31 06:48:17 · answer #3 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she is not living with you so it's is difficult. Tell her that if she gets a job for one year, you will match what she saves toward the purchase of a car or school? That may get her motivated not just to get a job, but to start a savings account as well. She may not have any interests, you can ask her where she sees herself 5 or 10 years down the line and help her set some attainable goals., one being employment. We match what our kids save and it works for us and them. They spend most of what they earn and save very little, we match it, but pay for less of their everyday needs, because they have their own money. See how that might work for you.
Tracylyn S
2007-01-31 06:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe motivate the mom to incorporate some accountability by having the daughter clean and cook for them 2 to 3 times a week...the daughter may enjoy it and learn some valuable skills or she will go find a job where she can get some cash for her time and energy spent doing whatever. getting mom on board is step one,though...if daughter has both y'all on her can about finding work that should motivate her...or at least throw her off a bit!
2007-01-31 06:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by justsayin... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the mother should relize that not makeing her do anything for a job is the wrost possibal thing to do to her cause it's going to get her a late start in life and i'm sure that the mother will hopefully get sick of giving her money all the time and eventually make her get he rown job. i've had jobs since i was 17 years old cause my parents wouldn't give me money. i always had to earn my own money and even when i was younger i would save alouance money each week to buy somthing i would want.
2007-01-31 06:51:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk with her and tell the consequences due to the lack of responsibility on her part. It would also be a good idea to talk with her Mother and share your concerns with her.
As long as the Mom is giving her a free ride in life she will not take responsibility.
Good luck!
2007-01-31 06:46:28 · answer #7 · answered by hiscinders 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's kinda hard if the Mom won't support you in this decision. If she does not learn now that life is not free she never will and Heaven help her when she has no one to take care of her. I see the big picture and it is not looking pretty. Even if she found a guy who was rich he would tire of it after awhile. Tell your ex it is VITAL she learn how to take care of herself. It is a woman's responsibility to herself
2007-01-31 06:49:33 · answer #8 · answered by grannypamrox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she comes knocking on your door wanting to live with you, tell her she must have a job first. Do not give her money. Since her mother is tolerating this, she can support her.
2007-01-31 06:44:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut her off of all fiances and tell her she has to get a job to have the things she needs.
2007-01-31 06:47:26 · answer #10 · answered by sissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋