Feel like all I do is yell?

Question

Do any of you parents feel like you yell at your kids too much? Do you yell at them and if so, how often do you think you do it.

Sometimes after I yell I feel like Im the worst mother in the world. I do try and talk at her level about most things, but sometimes I just get so frustrated that I "lose my temper" and yell, sometimes about little stupid things that just trip the trigger so to speak.

Any one else feel like this?

By the way, she is 7 years old.

Answer 1

My feeling has always been that my kids attitudes mirror my own. If I am tired and cranky, they are often cranky right back. If I am singing and dancing around the house they often are in a more cheerful mood.

Your mood can have alot to do with your interaction with your daughter. So, the first thing to do is to make sure you are getting enough sleep and doing your best to maintain a healthy balanced diet so that your body is getting the nutrients you need. It sounds like you may need more energy going into some of these conversations with your daughter. You know this so do everything you can to be ready for what the next day throws at you.

The next thing is that your daughter is 7 so you still have time to establish a better way of communicating with her. If you continue in the same pattern you can count on the yelling getting worse when she becomes a teenager. You said you try to talk to her on her level but perhaps she just needs you to listen to her more. There are some great books out there on talking with your kids.

7 years old is a big year for a kid because they fully recognize that they are no longer babies but sometimes they don't really know what they are supposed to do as a big kid. The big thing right now is to stay very consistent with the rules in the house. This will help reduce the level of frustration. Your 7 year old is probably trying to see where the new boundary lines are now that they are no longer a baby.

One thing you can do is set a personal goal for yourself. See what it would be like to go 3 days without yelling - no matter how much you might be frustrated and want to yell just walk away if you have to but just don't yell. You don't have to tell anyone, in fact if you do they may taunt you to see if they can get you to yell. Just see if you can do it. Then maybe see what would happen if you went an entire week without yelling. See what happens. It could be fun.

Answer 2

I totally understand! I have a five year old and 14 month old twins and I know how overwhelming it can get. My five year old can be a challenge too. I have noticed that she gets very scared when I yell. A friend of mine, who is a behaviorial psycologist, says that you should try not to yell if at all possible for 2 reasons. One, it is not effective. If puts fear into your child, which is not the position we should be taking with our kids. And two, if you yell at your child a lot, then it becomes normal to them. When you need to yell at them for a specific reason, (ie. "a car is coming" or "call the police" or "fire") then they are more apt to ignore it. I think that is a pretty serious reason to try to control it.
I have also noticed that when I yell, it is because I am having a bad day, or I didn't get something done in time... It is usually me and not her, and yet I take it out on her. It is not fair, because you are right, it is normally something very small that triggers it.
I have personally found that letting my daughter know she has dissappointed me and ignore her for a little while (naughty step, which REALLY works for her) then it really straightens her up. If that doesn't work, then I start taking things away (like no friends over or no party that she was planning on going to or something like that).
I hope this helps. I know how you feel.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

That doesnt make you a bad mother. When your daughter is older and has kids she will understand lol. No one knows how to be a perfect mother so dont expect yourself to be. I am the mom and step mom of 4 young boys under 7, and im 19 weeks pregnant with boy number 5 yup another boy. I sometimes yell at those little stupid things that really shouldnt matter, because its frustrating. That doesnt make me a bad mom. My boys tell me they love me everyday and they know i love them as well. They remember the games we play, the books we read, the involvment in school i play, those trips to the park and zoo. Things like that :) Your a good mom, and your no different than 99% of moms out there.

Answer 4

Yes, I yell at my kids too. It does make me feel less than great about my parenting skills but, trying to keep them in line is a full time job. My father beat me often, and all he had to do was raise his voice and I knew I was a heartbeat away from being floored. I won't do this to my boys but, I do believe that they need to "learn" a little respect for their parents. Doing the best we can do is a lot better than some others I know that don't even make an honest attempt. Keep up the good work.

Answer 5

Yes - Yes - Yes!!
I have a 4 yr old and 9 yr old. I feel like they just don't hear me when I talk and then when I yell they look sooo shocked!
All my mother had to do was give me that LOOK and I knew if I didn't stop I was going to be in big trouble.
I tried to give that look one day and I cracked up laughing -- I saw my mothers face. I don't want my kids remembering my yell face, so know I tell them if they don't stop the first time I ask -- when they wake up the next day something will be missing from their room. Done it and its worked!!!

Good Luck and laugh a little!

Answer 6

oH mY this sounds so close to home with me too. I have a 6 year old that will be 7 here in March. And I feel like once I get home from work she just knows what buttons to push with me to get me upset. I wish kids could just be good and listen to what they are told the first time instead of making us parents feel like poop for yelling at them. I have tried everything from taking toys away to taking away the gamecube her tv everything in her room exept the bed and dresser and clothes. And nothing has worked. I have tried time outs and yes spanking sorry people I agree with spanking if the occation calls for it. I don't beat my child but I do spank her from time to time if nothing else works. I would sure like to know what to do so they will listen to you without making you yell at them.
Because lord only knows I feel like crap when I yell at her. I feel like a horrible person and all kind of other stuff. I have a 6 month old so I will be going through this again in 6 years LOL

Answer 7

Sounds like your under alot of stress and are letting the little things get to you. Take sometime for yourself and make some special time for you and your daughter that way some of the tension is gone and you can always look forward to special time with her and also have some grown up time for yourself as well.

When you start to feel like things are getting to be to much .. stop, take a deep breath and think before you start to scream. Look at different ways you can discipline your child besides just yelling at her. good luck.

Answer 8

OH yeah...I can relate. I have an 8 year old son and I feel like that's all I do, yell or nag. Every morning I tell myself I am not going to yell but it never fails to overcome me. I guess I am a little at fault because he learned to argue watching me and now he does the same thing to me and it gets a little frustrating.

Answer 9

I learned a teqnique years ago that helped me quit yelling at my kids because I lost my temper. It takes some practice, but you can get really good at it, and still be the yeller that you are.
Instead of waiting until you are ready to lose your temper, when you see them do something, PRETEND you are angry. Say what you have to say, do what you have to do, and then turn away and have a good giggle.
Teaching your children is what you do whether you yell or not. Just practice not letting them get to you. It really works.

Answer 10

i would try the counting game. every time that she trips the trigger start to count. she may even count with you that will make you laugh. think of something cute that she has done and the tell her what she was doing wrong in a calm way. you make be setting her up to fail. giving her to many rules she can't remeber try to lighten up a bit and see if that helps. talking always works better then yelling. good luck and stay strong.