How can I stop myself from becoming severely depressed - help?!?

Question

My life is 1 big mess at the moment!! I had to leave my job a few months ago, due to bullying, harrassment from my boss...I live with a dad who has criticised me, put me down, hit me and played so many mind games - I've lost count...my mum doesn't really understand and my sis takes out what my dad did on me ...I am not allowed to express myself without being told that I have ruined it all! I graduated 4yrs ago with no real career path- odd jobs, have no boyfriend, no real friends, am finding it hard to get a job and believe in myself!!I hav hit rock bottom!!I don't do drugs/alcohol - but am living in really tense family atmosphere + with a string of failures behind me...I am 29 years old..is there any hope for me to get my life bac on track and save myself from becomin severely depressed..jus in my small room all day..on the Internet looking for a job???? As mentioned i had a very bad childhood - full of fear, intimitdation, bullying and made to feel worthless - need help - anyone???

Answer 1

get a free consult with a lawyer. you may have a good case to get your job back with a new boss, or at least get a settlement out of it. the lawyer won't take your case unless he/she thinks it's a winner and then it won't cost you a thing.

revenge/justice can do wonders for an ailing soul!

Answer 2

How does this sound: get yourself on a TEFL course (Teaching English as a Foreign Language - sorry if spelling it out is patronising, I don't know if you know this) and get yourself to a strange country where nobody speaks hardly any English. They'll sort you out with accommodation and a school (or schools) to teach at. This will get you out of your everyday life and put you in a different place, different situation, different culture etc. The culture shock will be so massive that you won't be able to think about those things that trouble you at the moment. You having to survive in a different country without any friends (but you will make friends though) will give you not only confidence but excellent problem-solving skills. It also looks good on your CV and if you are really motivated you could also learn the language of the country where you are placed. It is all up to you, the centre will send you to a country you prefer so, wherever you want to go just do it. I'm not saying do this forever but for a couple of years. This doesn't mean you are running away from your troubles, it just means that you are temporarily taking yourself out of your comfort zones and learn new life skills that are excellent. I am speaking from experience. Good luck, I really recommend this path, I'm sure you'd change the outlook you have on your own life.

Answer 3

1 -Try using a temp employment agency until you find a permanent job you would like. They can be short assignments, or long, simple or difficult. Sometimes you don't need as much experience. There are agencies specializing in light assembly versus office/computer type jobs. I did this when I lost one job and just wanted to get some cash. I worked for a few weeks stuffing envelopes etc... Many of these jobs can lead to being hired on permanently.

2 - Go volunteer somewhere you like, such as a animal shelter, a retirement home. Seeing others in worse situations (and there are worse ones, believe it or not) can sometimes help you feel better.

3 - See a Dr for some anti-depressants. Even if you don't have insurance, some doctors will let you make payments, and can even give you sample medications. They will often charge less (for the visit) for someone without insurance.

4 - Please realize that you really are not alone. My husband and I have both had problems with depression in our lives. He takes medications, I did many of the things I've suggested here.

5 - Go to ivillage.com for more of a real, nurturing environment (considering it is still the internet) that focuses mainly on women's issues.

6 - Be CAREFUL who you email or phone from meeting on the internet. There are many bad people trolling around with ulterior motives! If you must email someone you've met here, I suggest setting up a new, seperate email address and put NO personal information in your "account".

7 - IF you want to move out, find someone renting a room - in fact, sometimes you can get a room & board in trade for working at their house etc.. This of course may have to be after you get that temp job.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I may be nine years younger than you but let me tell you that I was on the same path as you. Though my father wasn't the one hitting me and playing mind games (it was my mother actually and my stepfather) I decided at nineteen that I wasn't going to be the scapegoat for the family anymore. I grew up in a real bad home. Drugs, violence, and manipulation all the time that I finally had it. Yeah I am the estranged daughter now but I'm finally at the point where I don't care. I moved to a different city with no money and no job. I moved in with a friend who was kind enough to take me in and carry my *** for a whole month. I got a job and paid her back but that didn't stop the depression. I was on anti-depressants but after a year I stopped taking them because it wasn't my mind that was making me sad. It was my life. By eliminating the source of everything that makes you feel bad about your life you become something that you didn't know was inside of you. When you start to feel sad and depressed leave the damn house. Take a walk and listen to music and just walk it off. I walked all night once because I didn't want to be sad. (They say that by exercising it creates endorphines that make ya happy. Whatever, I just wanted to get away) Think of things that do make you happy. Try as you might to not let that black hole suck you in. Save money and get yourself out. Just because they are family doesn't mean that you have to succumb to whatever was dealt to you. Get out when you can and get out fast. The more miles you put between yourself and that family, the better you will feel.

You are not worthless. You matter just as much as the next person in the world does.

Answer 5

Either you need to tackle head on your family situation and get them to respect you rather than denigrate you or you are going to have to move out.

Life should not be as hard as they are making it for you. Your bullying at work is symptomatic of the negativity you are experiencing at home.

Parents should look after, nuture and encourage their children. Parents who do not are lousy parents and they are having a serious negative impact on your self image, your mood and your ability to function in todays competitve society. They are ruinung your life - why? Ask them. See what they say.

I've been there.

Now a few things to get straight:

You're not to blame.
Don't be ashamed.
Pretty much everything that is targetted at you is a weakness of theirs.
Isolation is unhealthy, if they are "cutting you off" (from friends, other family, things that make you feel good), **** them off. This is abusive behaviour and you don't need or deserve to be abused.
Go and seek advice about alternative accomodation, getting your own space will be a big improvement.
Get involved in outside activities and don't tell them anything about what you're doing. If I'm guessing correctly, whatever stuff you tell them about they'll be disparaging about it and make you feel bad - so don't let them.
Your Dad is an ASSHOLE!
Your mother is codependent on your father and will not protect you. If she really cared about her kids and assuming she knows what is happening to you (highly likely considering how long this has gone on) - why hasn't she left taking you and your siblings with her, long ago?
Your sister is being a ***** to you to curry favour with them - she may well be what I call "the Golden child" favoured by your Dad and praised and encouraged - but that's not for you, you get something else.

I wish I could talk to you about this. I spent years working out what had happened to me and why. My honest opinion is that you need to leave. No matter how difficult it might seem - you must, for your own sake and sanity.

It could take years, decades or more to finally work through this and leave it behind. But while you're in it, there is only going to be more damage and more heartache.

Seek advice and help.

Good luck.

LT

Answer 6

Now you must start living for the future,not the past.Move on for YOU noone else.Go get some you time,get pampered even if it means just a hair cut or a free make over which most stores do and get down that jobcentre or look round for jobs in person to build confidence.Maybe join a club and meet new mates.I do however feel bad for your past and the torment you have recieved at work but you have got to try and walk past it all and start afresh,I know its hard but you have to force yourself as you will only make things worse for yourself in the longrun.Maybe you could speak with your doctor and see if he/she will refer you to a councellor which may help and is nothing to be ashamed of as i currently have one,they are there to talk to and open up to about feelings and any anxietys/issues.When you are feeling really down go for a walk,meet up with a friend,try swimming or the gym,maybe take up a sport such as karate which would boost your confidence lots.As for jobs,if you want to get a proper career there is always colleges etc which help you along the way to a job you really want.Anything is worth a try regardless of your age/background.Dont be alone through all of this,find someone you can trust to speak with.I am sure there are lots of other people out there who feel like you and really noone should suffer alone,get help.All the best.Sorry i cant be of much help

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you....See if you can move out and separate yourself from your family for a while. Even if it straps you financially, it's worth it. They are draining you emotionally at a time when you need to recognize your strengths and blessings. It must be hard to concentrate on anything good in that tense atmosphere. Once you've left, start looking for some way to work your way back. Instead of thinking in terms of finding a career path right away, try to think about how the preparation you've had in life, both your education and your life's experience, can help you to help someone else. People that are most able to help other people are those who also have endured life's hardships. One thing I can tell from you is that you have a resilient spirit. If you didn't, you wouldn't have written for help. So realize a few things. You are not worthless. You don't have to live with fear. You don't have to submit to bullying. You are strong. If you pray, then look to God for strength. He has given each of us more strength than we ever realize. Use it, and try to listen for His angel messages. They will come to you very quietly and will appear as your own good thoughts. Heed them. And every day, go outside for a few hours. Go to a park, sit on a bench, smile at someone and make their day. You have more to offer mankind than you realize. Leave the past behind and forge a new future. You will be blessed as will the people who will be touched by your goodness.

Answer 8

What not to do: Don't get anti-depressants, you have a genuine reason to feel bad: You are living in hell. Drugs will turn you into a smiling zombie living in hell.

Okay: You do need to leave home. You need to get as far away from your family as reasonably possible. I'm guessing you're in the UK from your spelling of "criticised", so you leave go to another part of the country, go to a Citizens Advice Bureau and let them help you get a place to stay and state benefit, just to get you safe.

Then start looking for jobs. Make a point of getting out and going for walks. Join a women's exercise class so that you can start building up some friends.

You can stay in touch with your family by anonymous e-mail if you must (but you don't have to), just to tell them you're okay. Always ignore anything unpleasant they say in replies, never ever respond to it. Just say good things about your life. They will try to put you down and get you under control again. Ignore it.

Okay, as for jobs: Just do anything within reason. Then start doing additional training, either by paying for it yourself, or see if there are any government schemes you can get on to. From there you can get a better job.

You've spent your life being a victim, it's time to stop. And by saying: "How can I stop myself from becoming severely depressed" you've proved that you're strong enough not to give in.

Get out of that place right now.

Good luck.

Answer 9

You are not going to live like that forever! Find someone whom you can share your problems....and always learn to talk about you feelings to others. The more you talk about it to the others the more likely you are to get over it. Yes, as you have said its difficult to find a friend whom you can trust. A therapist would be ok.......because they will make you realise that you still stand a chance to live and that you still have people who can understand you.

Families are always people you can run to...but if they make you feel that way....then its important that you confide in someone else. Try to joing the gym and also find other things to keep you busy...to make you feel you have a task in your mind. Try not to alone all the time...make sure you are with someone to talk to. Watch movies that are based on real life...movies with a gd ending that will show you that there is the negative part of life also.

All you know right now is that life is negative coz everyone seems to be negative about you. Look at the gd things that you have in your 29 yrs of your life. Stop looking at the negative things that you have done. Get moving......you can do it..its not too late

Answer 10

U really need to go and see your doctor and tell them how you feel.Ask your doctor to recommend a councilor or someone to talk to,I know we have one that actually comes into the surgery.I think this would be the best thing for you as it seems you have been through a lot.Dont be scared of taking anti-depressants,sometime you only have to be on them for a few months and believe me if you are feeling that low i wouldnt waste any time,get yourself to the docs.Dont mess about with depression coz it really is a serious illness that can be fatal if you dont get help.I have suffered from depression on and off for 10 years and im only 26 so if you want any more advise or a friend to talk to let me know and il give you my details
Good luck
Beki

Answer 11

Thats such an awful situation and you really need to just remove yourself from it! I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all that with your family, I can't imagine how that much feel. You know you need to get out of the situation so thats the first step. Now we just need you to get out! You have to step up the job searching! I know it sucks and can be so discouraging, I'm kinda going through that right now. You need to take a job as soon as you can regardless of if you really want to do it or not! (Try a temp agency) That way you can work and save money. After you can find some temporary job you need to decide what you really want to do if you don't already know. Like whats your dream job? Once you figure that out you can start looking for a job that will make you really happy. But you really need to just work and save money and get yourself out of your unhappy situation. I know its a hard decision, but it seems to be whats best for you.