How do i handle my daughter?

Question

She is 11 and is failing two of her classes. she is SO forgetful. Finishes her homework but forgets to turn it in. Every answer she has for us is "i forgot" or "i don't know". had meeting w/teacher & she should be passing in all classes. is she wanting negative attention? she says no. We've punished & talked all we can to her about it. Could she have ADD? she's not hyperactive. We are trying so hard to help her...but what else can we do? She has no sense of urgency to improve...but she's a happy child.

Also found her desk at school to be unorganized. We've helped her put everything in folders & talked to her teacher. We help her a lot at home. Every night it's a discussion about her school work & she just seems like it's not a big deal.

Answer 1

My son has always been like this from the homework (I forgot) to the disorganized desk, locker, room, his car, his appearance and it goes on. From an early age he was like this and nothing seemed to work, I came to the understanding this is who he is (Gotta love him, he's unique). On the up side he is now graduating and he has improved but it takes a lot of reminders and lots of "I know you can do it, please try ". Punishments rarely work, it just doesn't seem to bother them for some reason.
If you believe it's something with a label you should have her evaluated (son was also tested, didn't find anything though). Get involved in her school work and make a mental note or ask if there is anything due tomorrow, remind her in the morning to hand it in. You could also make sure she has a journal or homework book and get the teacher to sign it when she hands assignments in, check it or question her if she handed it in.
Remember, she's just a kid and perhaps has a lot going on and may honestly forget. She just needs a little help for now and eventually she'll get in the habit of remembering assignments on her own. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well I would talk to the doctor and make sure that it isn't a condition...like ADD or ADHD.

Is she getting enough sleep?
Is she being fed good healthy nutritous food?
Does she have a structured routine (it's harder to forget a habit)?

If the answers to all these questions is yes...then maybe we're talking about a behavioral problem...in which case you need to make the situation urgent. It's simple "cause and effect" ...

No homework = no playtime
Failing school = stay behind a grade
Messy desk = no dessert

No screaming or punishing or drama...just very simple cause and effect...she may learn that some things are important by association if nothing else...

You can also use charts to help her learn her routine until it's part of her daily life.

Organization takes work and consistency and it starts with you.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Is the work overwhelming her?
Are things moving too fast?
Maybe she needs extra help with notes and outlining?

I would see where the teacher can help and have her come up with some ideas too. Maybe she can try and write notes and the teacher can add key facts to those notes that she may have missed.

Then at home just check her homework and her bag daily to make sure she is doing the work.

With her failing grades and not knowing the answers this maybe why she is so unorganized.... Maybe get her new binders, 3 hole paper, and ask her to help you understand what shes doing, and problem solve what needs to be done to clean it up.

If she isn't getting anywhere, suggest that she may have to take summer school or stay back a year.

Answer 4

Well some people don't care. I have a brother in law much like like that. What my mom did when I was kid she had me bring a report every week filled out by teachers say what my grade what, how I acted and what home work I turned in. I also had to a day plainer and that I had to show what home was do on what night from what class. If I missed anything of things I was fined or grouned. The all might dollar has always been big in my world so my mom would pay me for a and b and take money a way for anything less.

Answer 5

Hi. My daughter went through the same thing and she did have ADD without Hyperactivity (that is ADHD). You need to get her tested. ADD is the inability to stay on task/stay focused/stay organized.

Many middleschools now have an agenda which is a bound book that outlines all the days of the week for the calendar year. It is to be used everyday by the child and that is where she has to write down what she has for homework. Secondly, at home, we got my daughter binders and then put folders in the binder. As soon as homeowork was done, it went into one side of the folder. Worksheets and handouts went in the pocket that needed to come home; in addition to permission slips and things the parent needs to see. It was my responsibility to work with her teachers to make sure that long term projects were remembered since that is difficult for children with ADD to remember long term assignements.

My daughter is also on medication and she is now a junior. She still has difficulty, but is doing much better. She has a "resource" teacher in school whom she sees once a day. The teacher makes sure that she's not struggling, communicates for her with her teachers and is basically her ally in school. It is part of her PPT/IEP which is Parent/Pupil/Teacher Individualized Educational Plan and her plan is looked at and revised 2 times a year.

It cannot hurt to have your daughter tested. The test is simple, painless and if she does have ADD will do a lot to restore your (and her) sanity. Also her teachers will come to have a different opinion of her than the one they are developing now.

It drives me crazy when a teacher says "she should be passing" and then does nothing to find out why she may not be. It's considered a child being lazy or not caring, which blows my mind. Granted teachers have a lot to deal with, but the lack of proactive work with struggling students drives me nuts. I actually had one teacher tell me that she had 65 kids and didn't have time to give individualized attention to my daughter. I had that teacher removed. (Turns out I wasn't the only one complaining, but you get my drift).

Good luck and speak to your daughter guidance counselor.

Answer 6

I just want to say thank you for asking this question and thanks for all the answers too. I've been dealing with the same thing for three years and have resisted the whole testing thing. I know that she's super smart. She reads all the time. She has argumentative skills better than myself sometimes. She's frustrated! I'm getting her help now. Just started a few days ago. Help her now while it has just started. The strain in my daughter's relationship with me is so evident. It's heartbreaking. Good luck!

Answer 7

i have the same exact problem but now shes getting better.she was tested and found out she has a learning disability . she is in a regular class and some mainstreamed classes . she is doing a lot better not forgetful as much.i think maybe you should ask the school to test her for a learning disability k.

Answer 8

You can have her tested for ADD. my son was 13 years old when his school suggested it. It turned out that he was ADD. Medication helped him alot, but then he learned alot about lifestyle changes and eating habits. He is 23 years old now, and doesn't seem to have problems anymore. He is much more in control.

Answer 9

Possibly ADD (esp. with the disorganization). Not all ADDs are "hyper". Can she multi-task? Like if you say to her clean your room, bring out your clothes, start a load of dishes, then come to me when you're done. Can she handle all that?? ADDs are not mulit-taskers (they lose focus after the first reqeusted item). Talk to her peditrician. Is there any other stressor in her life (like she has no friends, isn't social, family stress such as illnesses of others or divorces,e tc?) Your question is wide-opened to a lot. I would definitely talk with her peditrician. Also if she is entering 6th grade or in 6th, that is a problem area for some reason. I took about 18 mos before I labeled one of mine ADD. Don't be too quick on that

Answer 10

You need to keep telling her that an education is very important. In today's society little can be done with out a proper education. Make sure she has everything packed for school, so she won't forget anything. Keep in touch with her teacher so you know what they are doing in school. Just don't get the mindset that you can't do anything to help her. As long as you are trying to have her succeed then that is all that matters. Good luck and I hope your daughter will see that an education is important and it should be a goal for her to succeed in school.