My boyfriends parents are paying for the lunch afterwards and since we don't have alot of money they are asking me to send invitations only to certain family members but not others.The family members that they don't want to invite are sure to find out they weren't invited because the family is extremely close. And it just so happens the the ones that are being left out are the most gossipy!! I feel like I'm being put on the spot since it's my daughter's baptism and I know I'll be the one getting asked why they weren't invited. Is it rude to just ask that everyone pay for their own lunch so that I can invite the whole family? Help I need to send the invitations out today!!
2007-01-31 05:50:51 · 17 answers · asked by ? 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I wouldn't have a "Luncheon" if I can't pay for everyone.
You could have a "Potluck" instead.
Don't lose sight of the meaning of the day. Excluding people is not about celebrating the Baby's baptismal. It's about your inability to be assertive and let people know what's going on.
Good Luck!
'-)
2007-02-02 16:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not o.k. Inviting some people and not others will have a lasting impact on your relationship with the uninvited. I know of a lot of people in the same situation and there were a lot of hurt feelings.
This is the etiquette in my social circle. Everybody that has the same degree of relationship to you has to be invited. For instance you invite all of your uncles and aunts who are your parent's brothers and sisters. You many have some great uncles or aunts. You do not have to invite those. You can make an exception if someone is very close to you, and the rest of the family members know that. If you cannot afford then do not invite anybody.
If you do not have the money, try cutting down the expense of the luncheon. Serve food that is not as expensive, find a less expensive restaurant. Try to see if you can rent out the church hall and prepare the food yourself.
How would you feel if the situation was reversed, and your family invited other relatives and did not invite you? That should give you the answer.
2007-01-31 07:07:57 · answer #2 · answered by eric c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not acceptable for you to pick and choose which family members are invited to the baptism and luncheon. If the baby's father is inviting his siblings, first cousins, and their spouses, then those are exactly the same relations you should include. If his invitees are only his parents and siblings, then that is who you should invite. Yoru guest list should match his, regardless of the specific personalities this means you will include.
I think that this points to a very specific problem in this new family you have created. You and your boyfriend have a child together, which means that you and your families are connected forever. If his parents have a problem with you and your family, your boyfriend needs to speak with his parents about being more inclusive. After all, *he* didn't choose to have such rude and uncaring family, did he?
Also, your boyfriend should not need to be told to stand up for you. If you two are still together, he should be defending you and your family, and your right to have whomever you like as a part of your new baby's life. This issue should have been handled entirely outside of your hearing, between your boyfriend and his parents. If he is not willing to go to bat for you, then I would reconsider my relationship in the first place.
Finally, remember that a baptism is an occasion for people to gather and declare their intent to raise a new child in the church and as a Christian; it is not an empty ritual of childbirth. Look at your guest list and decide if everyone you want there is someone who will support your child's Christian life. If these "gossipy" relations of yours do not fall into this category, maybe they shouldn't be there at all.
That said, I understand that a baptism is a family event, and it is difficult to exclude family members. If your boyfriend cannot convince his parents on this issue, then you should definitely scrap the idea of their paying for the party and ask people to pay for their own dinner. Also, do NOT under ANY circumstances expect gifts from this occasion or use it as a means of collecting cash to pay for any part of this happy occasion. Gifts should be freely given, not expected.
Best of luck and congratulations on the new addition to your family!
2007-01-31 06:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you hold a gathering at home, at some point after the baptism, for the relatives not invited to the lunch. If anyone is tacky enough to ask you why they weren't invited, you can say that your in laws hosted the lunch, and wanted a small group......."but we'll be having a get together soon for the rest of the family". Then, whenever you are up to it, you can have a gathering and just serve munchies and sandwiches, or whatever you can afford, so the people who were excluded can see the baby again and enjoy the family.
2007-01-31 06:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely send invitations to everyone. Just because his parent's have the money - do not let them control something as special and once-in-a-lifetime as your daughter's baptism. I would send the invitation and put a polite note in there asking that all gifts to your daughter be made as money. Explain that you don't have the money, but you want to make your daughter's day special. Let them know that you will use the money to pay for the essentials of the day and the rest will be used to open a savings account for your daughter. Everyone who attends a baptism brings a gift. If I received that type of invitation - I would think it's a good idea. No one knows what to get a 3 month old anyways. Good luck.
2007-01-31 06:02:20 · answer #5 · answered by jennifer74781 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You mean rather than to upset the entire family? Yes, absolutely.
I commend you for having a brain in your head and using it.
When you are going to have a family event, you either invite everyone or nobody. Thats fair. If you cannot afford it, it would be fine to ask people to join you at a restaurant for dutch lunch afterwards. You could even call some of the closer ones to you, and explain the problem. Say you do not have the money, but you so very much want everyone there. They would really think that was cool of you, AND ya know what? If they gossip, that person will get right on the phone, and tell all the rest of them how cool you are to do that. They will phone you one by one and tell you that they would love to come. Watch and see.
2007-01-31 05:57:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That would depend on the reasons why. As she's your child, it's your decision. A babtism is something very special, ecspecially for a child. If the reason is an anger issue, I'd ask myself "will I be mad at this person forever?" If the answer is no, or I don't know, you've answered your own question. If the answer is yes, you need to ask "Would it be worthwhile/benefitial to my child now and later in life to let bygones be bygones for an hour. Since money is the issue, put on the card, lunch afterwards, if you care to join us please help defray the cost.
2007-01-31 06:04:01 · answer #7 · answered by CJ C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
family and close friends should defnitely be understanding about paying for their own lunch. Just make sure to let them know that lunch will not be provided for them. Sure maybe a few or couple wont show, but who cares, just celebrate the baptism and have a great time!
2007-01-31 05:57:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, invite the family...However, explain that because of financial concerns you need to ask everyone to buy their own lunch.
I have had a birthday party for myself where I told people since it was a buy your own lunch, they could forgo the presents as I was more interested in their presence.
2007-01-31 05:56:10 · answer #9 · answered by Jan P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Word the invitations as such...
"insert boyfriend's parents name here" cordially invite you to a luncheon following the baptism of "insert your daughters name here" at date...at time...at place....etc
You get the idea....
Let them handle the fallout of who gets invited and who doesn't. If it's one of those deals where they've already paid and the luncheon is a done deal...let them take the heat. They had the balls to ask you not to invite people, let them have the balls to answer for it.
If it's not a done deal and not already paid for, invite who you want. It's a day for you, your daughter, and your boyfriend...not the future in-laws. If you let them railroad you now...they'll try to do it forever.
2007-01-31 06:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋