My son ......?

Question

Never listens to me while my Hubby is at work or working away. I can ask him the smallest thing and he has an answer each time. Then when I shout at him he cries or starts to scream. What can I do as I a younger child and dont want him to start doing this. My son Im talking about is nearly 7years old. I dont know what Im doing wrong really. He does get me down at times but I dont believe in smacking my children,
Any help would be gratful.
xx

My hubby does listen to me and he does not shout at me so i dont know why he is doing this. I know i say things then take it back e.g No Nintendo Ds once he has pushed me to far but then I let him as he puts that face on that you cant say no to. its to hard.

Answer 1

Sit down and try to talk to your son about why he behaves like this, tell him that you love him and dont want to shout at him but its upsetting for you when he doesnt listen to you. Sometimes kids play up to get attention so why not try and spend some quality time with him doing something fun, this can help you bond with your son and strengthen your relationship. I dont agree with smacking easier so I suggest that when your son does cry or scream simply walk away from him and ignore him until he calms down, I know it may be hard for you to do but when he realises that he hasnt got an audience he will stop his behaviour.
Children are very good at testing their parents and if they spot a weakness in their mum or dad they play on it but dont give in. good luck

Answer 2

I have always had power struggles with my oldest son. It is not easy and I don't have all the answers but there have been times that things have gone smoother. One of the things that helped was when I layed out expectations clearly. For us, it meant that when the kids got home from school they did their homework before anything else. I also made lists for them which I hung in their rooms of things I expected them to do regularly, such as putting dirty clothes in the laundry, making their beds, and putting toys away. As someone else mentioned, I used a bit of a reward system such as, "When you've finished your homework you can go outside to play." I personally don't advocate money or candy rewards. I certainly am not given money or candy when I finish my chores!! I also never paid allowance for chores done. We gave our kids allowance to show them how to manage money, period. I used to be a yeller. Then I read a book called, How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I recommend this book highly. But most of all, don't doubt yourself as a mother. Talk openly and honestly, but not too lengthy. Remember to laugh with your kids, and remember that every day is a new day. No one is perfect though it sometimes feels like everyone else is doing it 'right'. Ask your husband for support. You both need to be on the same page. If your children sense a divide there, expect chaos (trust me I know!). You are the mom, and you are in control. You can use time out, for your child, and for yourself! You can say sorry too. I have had to do that many times, and still do. Sometimes our kids need to hear that when we've reacted inappropriately. In my opinion, it's about relationship, not behavior. Focus on relationship. Good luck. Read that book!

Answer 3

Well, smacking him would be the easy answer. Otherwise you need some form of consistent punishment - try the naughty step programme as advocated by SuperNanny.
Do not shout at your son - kids don't hear it. The noise just rushes past their ears. If you want your son to hear you, speak quietly. He has to concentrate to listen.
Try it.
Sit him down and discuss his behaviour. Choose a punishment and reward system and stick to it. The key is consistency.

Answer 4

A good way to get them to listen or do things you ask is what my mother always called the reward system it slike bribing but with better things! Such as if you clean your room you can watch t.v til dinner or if you help clean up dinner you can have a bed time snack whatever you want dont punish when they do the wrong things but reward them when they do good things it works great on all children even ones that are not yours try it and let me know but dont give up if it fails the first time keep it at it will work but do keep me posted on how its going!

Answer 5

consistency is the key. you HAVE to take his toy away and he wont get it back until you say he can. if a child knows he can get away with anything and get his own way by looking at you in a certain way, what type of adult will he make?
he does something naughty then he doesn't get his toy.
i have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl.
oldest 10 youngest 3.
they have pushed the limits, and the youngest still does.
it is a hard job but one that has to be done. i am responsible for them becoming good adults!
good luck, and remember the old saying
sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!

Answer 6

You need to establish yourself as a disciplinary figure in the household, it sounds to me like your hubby does the majority of it or at least that your son knows he means business-hence he doesn't do it when he's around.

Kids are clever and they smell weakness like sharks smell blood in the water.

What's his weak point? T.V? His playstation?The X-Box perhaps?

Next time he plays up and answers back and generally gives you the run around threaten him with not being allowed to use one of them. If he back chats or continues in the same vein then unplug it(at the very least-we put ours out of reach but in sight). When your husband comes home(if it's that night that is) then tell him that that's what you've done so that your son can't have it back by default.

Now here's the good part-your son gets it back for doing as he's told/answering you etc with no aggravation(and immediate creeping doesn't count)-so it will be as quick or slow as he likes.

Make a mental list of everything, like the playstation, that will 'hurt' if it goes missing and if his behaviour continues in the wrong manner remove them one by one.

This WORKS, but it's the follow through that counts-ie; actually taking it away and not giving it back until you see behaviour that merits it. And it's important that HE discovers how to get it back-that you don't tell him what he has to do.

Basically you need to be seen to be in control without your husband being there to act as your backup.

Answer 7

How does your husband react when you ask him "the smallest thing?" Is your son acting like his father? Has your son witnessed his father answering back or ignoring you, or heard your husband shout at you? Could your son just be acting the way he believes a husband and father are supposed to act?

Answer 8

He'll grow out of it soon.
Dont shout at him. once you shout He Sees That Its Only fair he shouts back And Once You Shout he Loses All respect for you.
Just say something like 'Can you do so or so please' then hell say no and then say calmly 'But daddy Will be home soon and he wanted you to do that.'
Trust me THAT Works

Answer 9

Sometimes a good smack does the trick, believe me. I was really stubborn as a child and would have tantrums but one day my mother gave me a good smack and that was the end of it!

Answer 10

Get hubby to listen to you in front of him and have him say real men treat girls with respect as equals...


Its pathetic little boys who need to lord it over girls to make up for their little willies...