me and this guy been together for 10 months now and i love him soooo much and i know he loves me in everyway. Its a good relationship filled with trust and respect. hes a really good person but my parents unfortunately say im to young. im 16 and hes turning 18. my parents dont want me with him and they are bringing it to far. my parents dont even know him.they jus call him trash.my father spoke to him but my father told him to stay away from him. me and this guy plan to get married.when im 18 we decided we would leave and get a place to live.my parents dont talk about it no more but alot of my privledges been taken away.but i can only see this guy in school. he understands whats goin on, but what would be the right thing to do. i dont want to leave this guy, i love him to much, but my parents have been bringing this situation way to far. whats your opinion on this?
2007-01-31 04:58:19 · 19 answers · asked by Ms.J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to make an effort if your family allows to bring him around more so they can get the chance to know him. They seem him ONLY as a older guy and you as their young baby girl. Do your parents know you want to marry him when you turn 18? If they don't then they think he is only after sex. Does he want marriage just like you or is that just you hoping it will turn into that? If he does then he is might not be just after sex. If your parents know the marriage plans then they might be forced (knowing you will do what you want weather they approve or not) to realize that this is serious, you are serious (and not just a young girl with a school crush) and he is serious, they might be open to you having him ONLY over for a dinner and this could be his first anhd only chance to impress them, discussing his future (make sure it is all good, things parents want to hear, like ARMY, or College, a family, settle down) and about his life. If they agree to this then that is the first step and you must be willing to live by their rules if they take this step, such as if they ALLOW you to date him (remember in some states he can be charged with statory rape because he is 18 and you 16 weather or not you agree to it or not) you must not be stuborn and say you will do what you want or they will for sure forbid you to see him or not allow it or not apporve of it. If they take that step you must be willing to take a step also. What I mean is this, if you ask to go to the movie at 8PM with him and they say you can only if you are in by 11pm (movies only last about 2 hours). They are affraid that any extra time (hours) they allow you with him might lead to 9 months later you having a child unexpected and your guy leaving you because he didn't ever really feel the way you really do. Bringing a movie stub home laying it on the table so the next morning they can see (don't show it to them, let them accidently purposily find it) and discussing the movie with them about how great or even horrible it was will let them know you actually did go to the movie and not to his house to make out. Don't say it like this though "MOM JUST SO YOU KNWO I WENT TO THE MOVIE, HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED." Say it in passing with both parents around something like that movie was so bad I would never tell anyone to see it and explain why you thought it was good or bad.
If your BF has a past that they have heard about (because you say they call him trash) and he has since turned himself around, mention it once ONLY and the things he has done to turn himself around. Then later in passing agian always (not to much so that you don't look like you are selling him to them) mention things he is doing, only things parents want to hear. Not that he went to the ROCK AND ROLL CONCERT AND GOT DRUNK AFTEWARDS AND GOT A TATOO or GOT ARRESTED.
Or turn the tables on them and say well maybe he is trash and maybe I should not see him, and let him prove to them he is not trash and you, and play the depressed little girl because you supposibly are going to dump him, make sure he knows the plan.
But whatever you do wait to get pregnant, I know you have had sex all kids do, but the last thing you need before you graduate is to have to take your child to daycare and pick it up before and after you go to highschool yourself.
All parents wants to be grandparents (well maybe some don't becauser they can't stand the thought of being called granny..lol) but they want their children to do so only after highschool and college.
2007-01-31 05:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by Jacky M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are only 16 and you still have a lot of growing up to do. I am not saying that you are not in love, I'm sure you are. However, you are to young to be that serious about someone. Your relationship with a boyfriend should be an aspect of your life, not the focus of it.
Your parents are worried that you are too focused on this boy and they are probably right. Maybe if you show some maturity, keeping your grades up and hanging out with other friends not just him they may lighten up on allowing you to do things.
After you graduate don't be so quick to jump into a marriage, go to college or get a job for awhile and experience life outside of your parents house. Live alone or with girlfriends, but not with your boyfriend. If you are truly meant to be together forever then there should be no problem with this. If you get married right out of high school there is a possibility, although you don't see it yet, that you will regret jumping in so quickly. I suggest you live your young adult life without the burden or obligation of a husband and a possible family...it can be the best time of your life........you have forever to be married, live a little first.
2007-01-31 05:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Moosha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well Ms. J, you have to understand where your parents are coming from. They just want to protect you. Protect you from being hurt, not reaching your goals/dreams, getting pregnant, etc... I know that the more they tell you no (leave him alone) the more you become more attached to him. If this guy mean a lot to you then you have to sit down with your parents and tell them the way you feel, and how it is important for them to get to know him as a person. You have to respect your parents as well b/c they have been where you've been, and they have experienced a lot more than you. Listen to what they tell you and take heed to it. Your parents have your best interests at heart, and this guy that you claim you love, they're not sure what his interests are, or what kind of future he has planned.
A lot of times as a teenager we live in the "here and now" time frame and don't think about the future and weigh our options. You must determine the difference between what's love and lust....B/c love is a commitment and is uncondtional. Lust is based on conditions (i like you when you fulfill my selfish desires).
2007-01-31 05:02:49 · answer #3 · answered by unknown 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The answer is plain and simple, if you truly are in love then wait and bee patient. You have to live with your parents and they love you too and want the best for you. You are still only 16 and in two years will be 18 and then you can make all sorts of life decisions including marrying if you want. Until then enjoy being 16! Good luck.
2007-01-31 05:05:14 · answer #4 · answered by m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you are really in love and he really loves you then he will deal with this situtuation until you are old enough to make your own choices. Let me let you know it wont be easy and your parents are good parents for doing this, well I think, but finish school and then plan what you guys should do next if yal are still together.
2007-01-31 05:05:37 · answer #5 · answered by passdatnow 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough to say just reading your side of the story. Your parents might be right, they may see something you're missing, or they may be being overly protective for no good reason. My only advice would be don't write off everything they say automatically. The possibility that they are right does exist.
2007-01-31 05:04:41 · answer #6 · answered by Rossonero NorCal SFECU 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm 18 and my Fiance is 27 and my mother never approved of him untill I got pregenate when I was 16.I'm not telling you to get pregenate but sit your parents down and let them know that you two are both serious with each other,and let them know that he's not going anywhere.ANd if they still don't approve then let them know you'd rather do something in there face than behind there backs.
2007-01-31 05:02:31 · answer #7 · answered by DiamondXxx 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your parents what their objection to him is. It may be they feel you are too young to be in so committed a relationship.
Your so young now, it's unbelievable how your want and needs will change in 10 years. They may just want you to take time with this relationship.
And you should. I'm not saying this is not your special one, I'm just saying, if this is your special one, he hang around until you and your parents are happy with your choice.
However, if your parents are making their decision based on differences in religions or races, they'll likely never be reconciled to your choice.
Persevere.
2007-01-31 07:51:56 · answer #8 · answered by txkathidy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you shouldn't hurry on marrying...maybe it's just a teen love, did you start your sexual life? your parents wish you the best and prbably they're afraid of him pg you or giving you a disesease. Or simply moking on you. You should talk to them and get closer and find out why do they think this and maybe you'll realize that that guy is not the one 4 u. Or they will realize it's perfect 4 u, as you say. Who knows?...good luck!
2007-01-31 05:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by teen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep seeing him and tell your parents you are just dating and nothing else. Make sure you go to college and get a good education before you tie the knot as well. Say that to your parents and mean it then they will know your mature enough and not just obsessed with the guy.
2007-01-31 05:03:28 · answer #10 · answered by styler 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋