Please read the entire question before answering. What do I do?

Question

My parents and I have been having a fight, of course to them they are never wrong and I am always wrong. They treat me like dirt, and lately I have been getting literally sick from every thing. I cannot continue to live this way. I started college level classes last semester at the community college to try to get a good education and get out from home. But ever since I started things have been getting worse. I turned 17 in Nov. and my dad told me that this semester I would HAVE to take his math class or I cannot go to the community college. (Both my parents are math teachers there). And that was the worst turn for the worst of many. My dad expects nothing less than perfection. And what started the fight today was my dad yelling at me about doing something wrong in the homework. The thing is that 2 days ago I ASKKED him how to do it, and followed his directions EXACTLY. I have been staying up to 3am doing homework EVERY DAY for the last 3 weeks because I cannot do homework in the day.

In the day I have classes, housework, club work, and parental work. First let me explain the parental work, my parents are never around to take care of my 2 younger siblings. And my older brother is LAZY and all he does is sit and watch TV. I have to do almost all the work in raising my 2 younger siblings. Next the housework, I have to cook dinner at least 4 nights a week, and most weeks 6 nights. I have to make sure that all the laundry is done and that the kitchen is clean that the floors are moped, and the bathroom clean. All the housework falls on me. I also am a Jr. leader in church, so I have to be prepared for every service. I have to have a backup lesson because my leader is a doctor and sometimes gets called on emergencies. And I have my own bible memorizing to do, no memorization no leadership. Next the club work, I am in 3 clubs. The most time demanding is 4-H; I am on the county council and have to give reports all the time.

The next one is the college transfer club; most of the time I bake for found raisers, but I also go on trips to other colleges.
And the last one is like an extra youth club at church. We go to camps, skiing, whitewater rafting, and bowling. The last one is my favorite club and I will do any thing to go off with them.
Because of so many demands on my time, I have resorted to taking caffeine pills and getting 3 hours of sleep a night. I don’t know what to do any more. I have tried and tried to “talk” to my parents, but they NEVER listen, they just start yelling. Does any one have any helpful suggestions?

the clubs are the only part of life I enjoy. and I tried to talk to a school counciler one time, years ago. and my parents made my lfe even more of a hell.

my dad is a deacon at church and every one "knows" him. so they would not believe me if I told them.

Answer 1

First of all let me tell you I do beleive what you are saying. One because you speak like a fourty year old on paper and you are not even seventeen yet. That lets me know that you have had to many adult responsibilities.

Now let me tell you that I am sorry that your life is this way, you make me tired just talking about all you have to do, and I am the mother of a seven year old Autistic child. My life is busy, but not near as busy as yours.

It sounds to me that you really like your church activities and you like your club activities at school. As a teenager this should be the center of your life, with some chores and some expected help with siblings but max once a month so your parents can go out and get a much needed break from chores. Honey you are the one with much needed breaks.

Changing a parents ways are not easy, and Oh how you need a change. I wish I could do that change for you.

Here is what you need to do. Go back to a school counselor, and insist that your parents be a part of this. If they insist on you doing most of the chores and caring for siblings and the sort, then you have a right to ask this of them. Have the counselor ask for you or with you. Get a little sassy if you have to, but try to do it in a civilized manner. It seems like you could do this very well. If this does not work, I think I would get bluntly honest.

As far as taking your Dad's class, I am appauled that a father would put that much pressure on a child, that is wrong, and very much controling. However it sounds as though you are taking these classes early for a reason, unless you are not from America, I am not sure when college starts in other countries. At any rate, do the best that you can, and do not stay up all night anymore trying to please him, because it is likely that you want be able to anyway. Make your bed time when you want it and get some much needed rest.

Now, be respectful of your parents, meaning that you let them know you would like a compromise, but it does state in the Bible the parents are not suppose to bring wrath unto their children, and controling every aspect of your life is a form of rath. So pray about this, and then act on it. Oh, and don't underestimate what church members may think, if he is controling you, then likely he is controling them, and they can see him controling you. So if you have someone in mind you might go talk to them. Talk to the pastor or his wife as well.

I hope that there is something here that will be to your benefit, I hate to see anyone suffer like this, it is not a fun place to be I know. I had to raise my sister and I was responsible for a lot of things around the house as well. Just do your best to do it in love, but a little tantrum here and there want hurt lol. After all you need to let it out girl or boy.

Answer 2

"When one is presented with the "choice" between behaving/thinking in a particular way on the one hand, and intolerable emotional and/or physical punishment that lasts forever and ever without end on the other, then the entire concept of choice is taken out of the equation." Why - it's still a choice. Humans always hang themselves with new rope all the time. Small regrets or large regrets - humans carry huge burdens daily. What you miss is that GOD forgives our sin, completely, if we are truly sorry. Humans can't do this, although many try. (We remember and hold someone less trustworthy than others.) "One's freedom to choose would be circumvented by the innate deisre to avoid such horrible consequences." Children always burn themselves on the stove after their mother tells them it's hot - why- because they freely choose to ignore the reality and think they will not be burned, adults do this all the time. Then the mother strictly disciplines and sooths the pain - at the same time. As GOD will do. IF one follows the commandments one usually doesn't worry about free will, because they are already freely following the commandments. Being an adult means taking responsibility for ones actions. IF I choose to not sin - I better have a damn good reason to change my will.

Answer 3

My advice is to get through this last year at home and get all the scholarships you can get. Then go to a college far enough away that you can live in the dorms without your parents saying anything and if you feel like it so far away you don't have to visit except for Xmas. Write some essays to get those $1,000 dollar ones too and find out what your state offers if you're planning on going to a university in state. It's usually cheaper that way but it still sounds like you could get a full ride most places. All the clubs you are in generally have scholarships also. Talk to a councilor about financial aid and call the college/colleges you're thinking/planning on going to. Don't mention you're home life if you don't want to just focus on getting out of there. Dorms really aren't that bad and you might not even need a job if you get the kind of grant that gives you money for books and a little on the side. There are so many things out there you just have to look! Good luck!
I totally overloaded myself both my junior and senior years of highschool but I in no way regret it! Try and take a nap sometime tho even if it's just get a pass to go someplace where you're a teacher's pet and lay down. I loved our acting room b/c we had couches. It was great anytime I started feeling seriously overwhelmed and we were just goofing off in one class that day.

Answer 4

You seem to be a very intelligent, competent and super responsible person. Nevertheless, you contradict this perception by being so bad to yourself -you are going to become ill by taking pills and just sleeping 3 hours a day-. Think! If you get ill -mentally, physically, or both- which can happen due to your overstressed lifestyle, you will not only stop doing the activities you want but mainly, can endanger your future! Prioritize your responsibilities: FIRST: HEALTH, second school, third and so on? ... you decide. Most of us during our adolescence have problems communicating with our parents. However, I bet they are not the only ones here who are not behaving totally well ... Review ... if there is so much tension you might have done something wrong (you portray yourself as someone whose parents would never be mad to, so that's why I don't understand why they are). To get back on tracks with communication -not an easy task with so much tension- try to write them a letter explaining everything, and make them read it when you are not home so they can discuss it. Once you get home speak with them calm and clearly.
Above all, I would simply advise you not to hang on so much responsabilities on yourself as to make you ill. Life is so short and so hard, that, allthough of course you have to work very hard to be in the best possible position, in the end, without health (MENTAL or physical) you will simply have nothing and all of your effort will be useless. Good luck!

Answer 5

Talk to a counselor or your pastor and take some of those clubs off the list. I think you could manage all the clubs and stuff if you didn't have to do house work. Can you teach your younger siblings to pick up after themselves?

Also I didn't think you could take a math class with your parents as the teachers, and the reason you describe is one of the reasons as well as favoritism. Your parents have a serious problem and it is causing you to have one too. The caffeine is what is making you sick and you need to stop taking the pills and energy drinks it can do serious harm to your heart and body.

Answer 6

Can I adopt you? You sound like the perfect kid to have! Your parents need to appreciate what a wonderful person you are.

You need to get some sleep. Stop running yourself ragged with all the extra stuff and concentrate on your school work and the bare minimum of what you have to do at home. You will be out of the house soon, running towards your future.

Your parents probably recognize your potential, but are pushing you the wrong way. They need to encourage you - not berate you. Perhaps you can write them a letter and leave it for them to read at a time that is peaceful for them, and your won't be home for their "off the cuff" reactions. They will be forced to listen, because you won't be there to yell at.

Good luck sweetie!

Answer 7

ok well thats really really really tricky. first i think you should go talk to someone at your church .. as i think they would try and help you the best they can. talk to your friends and ask if you could stay over their house for a week or two and explain the situation and explain that you need a break from everything. then as many arguments as it causes try talking to your parents .... if this fails then i would suggest talking to eachone of them seperate! parents are totally different when theyre not together, you never know 1 of them could listen to you. explain how you feel to them and explain that you can't go on living the way that you are now .. because you literally CANT LIVE LIKE THAT!!! also i would suggest maybe giving up a club or two for a week to help get back on your feet, im sure the church would understand if you explained it to someone. finally GO TO SLEEP!!!! and dont wake up until your body wakes you up, then you'll kno you've got enough sleep! try getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night, i get 6 and i manage to cope through a very busy day. also stop taking the caffiene pills.

hope things work out for you

Answer 8

I know what you are dealing with is hard. The best thing that I can suggest is that you go to your Mom and tell her that you would like to have an adult conversation with her. When you speak to her, don't say blame words or that will make her feel defensive. Try letting her know how you are feeling and see if she has any suggestions. I know that you enjoy your clubs and stuff but something has got to give. You can't keep living your life the way that you do. You will burn out and have an ulcer. Try talking to your mom and be honest with her but don't make her feel like you are blaming her. Best wishes that all goes well.

Answer 9

Quit 2 of those clubs. Its too much on you. Staying up till 3 AM and popping caffeine is bad for you. Sadly, you can't do much about the home life or the parents. Try to not fight with them, and move FAR away as soon as you graduate High School!

Answer 10

Im also 17, and I know what you mean with your paretns not listening. When I need to have a serious conversation with them, and I know their going to get mad, I do it somewhere where they cant start screaming at me. Like when we go out to eat (we go out to eat every Sunday), I tell them that I have to talk to them, and to please let me finish talking before they say anything. I dont know if this will work for you, if it doesnt you can always try writing a letter, write down everything you want to let them know, and leave it somewhere where you wont be around when they read it so they cant scream at you.
Also when I try to tell my parents something and they start screaming at me, I scream back, (its kind of funny) once I start screaming back to them they stop.
How old are your sisters? If their old enough explain to them that you have a lot of stuff to do and if they can help you with some of the house work. If your brother is lazy and doesnt want to do anything around the house, dont do anything for him, dont do his laundry, dont clean his room, dont even mop it, etc. If your parents ask why you dont do anything for him tell them that hes a big boy and needs to start doing stuff for himself.
Im sorry your going through all this, things will get better.