Please help me do something with my life again?

Question

I am 47. I am divorced from a marriage that was hell in every way including abuse. I stayed too long, however and let him take away my self esteem and ruin my credit. I ended up having to sell my house as it was in foreclosure. I now only have around 45K to my name and live in an apartment. I found a great guy two years ago whom I am engaged to and live with. He does not make a lot (2K or so a month). It about covers the bills. (His credit mar is an old bankruptcy) I work sporadically since I am an artist and designer. There is not much in the way of decent paying jobs otherwise though I am looking. I still have some debt from the past. I feel depressed that I lost so much and that I may be too old to recover and regroup. I would like some financial as well as personal advice regarding all this. I would love to make money off the little money I have or find a way to own a home again. Can anyone offer advice. I am depressed quite a bit over the circumstances that led me to failure.

Answer 1

I have a client in a very similar situation. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that her marriage ended very badly (criminal charges brought against her husband, that's how bad) and her credit was ruined. During their marriage he did not allow her to work so she has been out of the workforce for 10 years now. After the divorce her credit was shot and she was only able to find a low paying job due to lack of work history.

She sought counselling for her emotional issues and was able to find a counselor who worked with her based on her income to debt ratio and she is now doing very well as far as mental health goes. Her first priority was to shift her paradigm. She first thought that she was a victim of life's cruelties. After she discovered that she was a survivor rather than a victim, her whole outlook on life changed and she realized how strong a woman she really was.

Financially, she is still struggling. But we have her in a program that is working on varioius aspects of her credit and other financial concerns. If she continues as she is doing now, within another six months she will be able to do just about anything she wants within her financial means, i.e., obtain a low interest mortgage, finance a car, apply for low interest credit cards, etc.

The point is that she looked her problems and issues square in the face and declared that they were not going to break her. She sought help where she needed it and now is a strong and stable person. When her issues threatened to bring her down, she turned to her support network and was not afraid to lean on them to help her through.

So it comes down to how you approach your problems. If you adopt an attitude of determination and seek help with the issues you cannot handle on your own without fear, you will overcome.

I wish you the very best and want you to know that there are people out there who have your best interests in mind.

If you have any credit issues you wish to discuss you may email me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

Its going to be hard to start anything with a bad attitude, so your primary goal needs to be fixing your motivation. The only part of your past you should concentrate on is what can help you move forward. Every experience - good or bad - is an asset - a weapon in your aersenal that you can use to tackle a future problem, and even if you feel like you went backwards, you really did move foreward.

Think outside the box. My mom is in a similar situation. She's in her early 50's and divorcing - not done yet. She's a musician - teacher and performer, and makes enough to pay the bills, but her marraige was hell and she feels hopeless.

I've been trying to get her to look at making some changes professionally - changes that will engage her, show her new things, and get her out of the routines that her married life has come to know.

With your aforementioned background as an artist and designer, you must do this because its something you love? Perhaps see what kind of opportunities are available that can engage you and utilize your experience. My mom has a love of music, and is classically educated in it, so Im trying to get her to become a freelance critic... its something where she can 1) utilize her skills, 2) do something she loves (go to shows), and 3) possibly get paid (I told her to start blogging, and submit reviews freelance to some of the local publications).

Thats just my example. I call it taking up a "professional hobby."
Something you'd do for free, but can possibly get paid for. The bonus here is that even if you don't make money through that hobby, it may restore that motivation to go out and challenge yourself that you think you've lost. And if you can make any money on the side, its a windfall.

Just some thoughts - good luck.

One more thing - you're never too old to do anything. Ever. I'm in my 20's and I'm not afraid to admit that Toys R Us is still my favorite store.

Answer 3

congrats you are a a victor not a victim


I know how you feel sister::

: My husband and i got divorced for religious reasons he thought he was God and I didn't!


lol
got a budget make a budget.
Dave Ramsey is the man. helped me a lot

Relax 47 is not what it used to be
47 is the new 27.
Exercise heal love and take it easy don't make no fast moves sister.........................
Dint look back look forward.
I started over again too........... look out world.............. here we come

Dr. Phil has a aw some book i love called Loving SMART
Book ministered to my heart soul and spirit.
He has a great website and so does Oprah

So here it is Dave Ramsey for financial peace
Dr Phil for loving smart
And Oprah for a dose of self love;
Bloom where you are planted.
God gives you beauty for ashes.
Pray ask God for direction and listen to your gut!
Hang strong.
Get busy volunteer do all the fun things you always wanted to do.Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.