My fiance and I recently broke up. She now wants to keep the ring and has taken it and put it into a safe deposit box I cannot access. In the beginning of our break-up, she said she would return the ring. Now she has obviously changed her mind. I would like the ring back or compensation for it if she's going to keep it. I live in California where I've read small claims have usually ruled in favor of the "giver" and not necessarily to the "givee" if the break-up was mutual and to the lesser extent her inclination. Any advice?
2007-01-31 03:16:01 · 17 answers · asked by Jason Y 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
If she broke the engagement off she should give it back. If you broke it off she should keep it, it wasn't her fault you changed your mind.
2007-01-31 03:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by onefootnaked 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The engagement ring was a gift. True, it was a gift that indicated your intentions to marry. I feel that a woman should willingly return an engagement ring if the couple breaks things off, but if a woman is unwilling to do that for whatever reason, then I don't think there's really a polite way to get the ring back, either.
Truly, unless it is a family heirloom, I'd just look at it as one of the costs of a bad relationship.
2007-01-31 11:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by JenV 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The traditional way of handling this is as follows:
If the MAN breaks off the engagement, the woman gets to keep the ring. If the WOMAN breaks off the engagement, she has to give back the ring. It was never assumed both people would break off the engagement in any civil way. (It does not sound like your break up is very civil.)
Take her to small claims court. At least you should get HALF of the cost of the ring from her, splitting the difference in regards to the traditional handling of the ring.
2007-01-31 05:45:42 · answer #3 · answered by forgivebutdonotforget911 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Legally I have no idea, but traditionally...
If she broke off the engagement, giving back the ring is the symbol that she is done with you. If you broke it off she keeps the ring because it was a gift as well as a promise and you broke the promise (leaving her with no obligation to you at all). If it is mutual it is completely up to her whether or not to keep the ring, since it was a gift.
Advice for the future: Do not give expensive gifts if you are going to want them returned.
2007-01-31 04:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by Shanna J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Of course she should give it back! How offensive.
Then again, this is coming from a girl who DIDN'T give it back. He cheated on me and told me he never loved me in the first place. He didn't ask for it back though, so it didn't cross my mind that I hadn't given it back until months after the break-up.
I agree that whoever initiates the break up should keep the ring. Personally sir, I would definately take her to small claims court. If anything, to embarass her. She needs a reality check. Why the hell would she keep a ring unless she's trying to keep you on her mind?
2007-01-31 15:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by Steph 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I would take her to small claims court, if you've read the giver wins most cases. But I would think that she could argue that is was a gift.
And for the why would she want to keep it guy...I did for the simple fact that my x was a cheater, and it would really hurt me to see that ring end up on someone else's finger.
2007-01-31 03:26:26 · answer #6 · answered by Jay's Mommy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Normally, etiquette requires that the engagement ring is given back, together with other important jewelry that might be a family heritage.
All other presents are hers for the keep. Note that this approach is very old fashioned... not necessarily up-held in courts... you are asking about etiquette, but etiquette also prescrive that you behave like a gentleman, and avoid getting into a petty fight.
2007-01-31 03:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by OneLilithHidesAnother 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the one who initiates the break-up doesn't get to keep the ring.
She did say she would return the ring, but that's just your word against her word, unless you have witnesses.
You can always send her a registered letter reminding her of her promise to return the ring and ask her to follow through on it.
If the ring isn't that expensive it's probably not worth the effort of taking her to small claims court.
2007-01-31 03:25:34 · answer #8 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree that if the break up is mutual, or if it is the "givee's" fault (adultery, abuse, etc.), the ring should go back to the giver. The only time the "givee" should keep it is if the "giver" cheated or beat her or something.
2007-01-31 03:29:11 · answer #9 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a friend who ran into this same thing. My basic understanding is if it was given as a gift, birthday, Christmas, etc. she has all the right to keep it. However if it was given as a promissory to marriage, ie engagement ring, you have the right to ask for it back or to be compensated for it.
Hopefully a lawyer can chime in and tell me if I'm wrong.
Easy on the thumbs down all ... I'm not saying its the moral thing to do, just the rule of law.
2007-01-31 03:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
If the man breaks the engagement, she keeps the ring.
If the woman breaks the engagement, she gives the ring back.
If the break-up is mutual, it is the man's choice to either let her keep it, or ask for it back. She does not have a right to the ring if she agrees to break off the engagement.
2007-01-31 03:26:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋