2007-01-31 02:21:56 · 9 answers · asked by Chuckles! 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
YOU'VE ASKED THE RIGHT PERSON! :)
Q: What dog you call a dog with no legs?
A: Nothing. He's always there.
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be BAGELS!
Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk!
Q: What did the daddy buffalo say when his baby buffalo went off to college?
A: BISON!
Q: What do you call a lady with one leg that's shorter than the other?
A: Eileen!
Q: What do you call a cow with one leg?
A: Ground beef!
-Oh man... call me butter, cause I'm on a roll! Here's some more...-
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: What do a dog with no legs and a cigarette have in common?
A: You can take them both for a drag.
Okay... I think I'm out of fire now. :)
ENJOY!
---
I guess people don't much enjoy clean humor these days. :P
2007-01-31 02:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is kind of a joke!!!
what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a b job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
2007-01-31 05:16:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lily Allen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lawyers!!
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly" says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring a huge array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."
And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"
2007-01-31 02:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by Fuentes 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
expensive Dad letter.... A father passing by skill of his son's mattress room, grew to become into astonished to work out the mattress grew to become into nicely made, and each thing grew to become into picked up. Then, he observed an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It grew to become into addressed, 'Dad.' With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and examine the letter, with trembling palms. 'expensive, Dad. that's with super experience sorry approximately and sorrow that i'm writing you. I had to elope with my new lady buddy, via fact i needed to sidestep a scene with Mum and you. i've got been looking actual pastime with Stacy, and he or she is so advantageous, yet I knew you does no longer approve of her, via fact of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorbike clothing, and because she is a lot older than i'm. inspite of the incontrovertible fact that this isn't any longer only the keenness, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy mentioned that we are going to be very pleased. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the entire iciness. We share a dream of having many greater babies. Stacy has opened my eyes to the actuality that marijuana does not, rather harm everyone. we are going to be turning out to be it for ourselves, and paying for and advertising it with the people in the commune, for each and all the cocaine and ecstasy we'd like. meanwhile, we are going to pray that technology will discover a treatment for AIDS, so Stacy can get greater advantageous. She specific merits it! do no longer hassle Dad, i'm 15, and that i be attentive to the thank you to shelter myself. sometime, i'm specific we are going to be lower back to circulate to, so which you would be able to get to be attentive to your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua. P.S . Dad, not one of the above is actual. i'm over at Jason's residing house. I only needed to remind you that there are worse issues in existence than the college record this is on the kitchen table. call while that's secure for me to return residing house!
2016-09-28 05:41:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm bored too, been flitting between EBay chatrooms and this one all afternoon. Eyes are going a bit now.
Anyway............
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window, It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!" Another runner moved along side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope........just when it's raining.
2007-01-31 02:29:29 · answer #5 · answered by dadn33 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years, the wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes absolutely crazy - "How could you lie to me all these years?!" The Husband looks her straight in the eye and calmly says - "'ll explain the toy. You explain the kids."
2007-01-31 02:36:07 · answer #6 · answered by viv 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
2 cows grazing in a meadow, one cow moo's the other one turns around and says "i was gonna say that".
2007-01-31 03:46:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower >and spinach, with green, long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said "You want
hot fudge with that?
And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo, they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said "Try my fresh green salad".
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, And supersize 'em".
And Satan said "It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery
.
And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
2007-01-31 02:49:30 · answer #8 · answered by Kemodo 344™ 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A man went to visit his father who had just moved into sheltered accommodation.
"How's it going dad."
"Pretty good."
"Food OK?"
"Yep."
"Sleeping OK?"
"Yep - Nine o'clock they give me my Viagra, and I go straight to sleep."
Thinking his old man meant Bournvita or some other nighttime beverage he questioned a nurse.
She confirmed it was indeed Viagra saying; "It stops him rolling out of bed."
2007-01-31 02:30:13 · answer #9 · answered by joeblack 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋