Is it acceptable to ask if someone is bringing a guest before invites go out?

Question

Unsure about this. Previous family weddings paid for by us, parents there was no limit on guests. This daughter wants no more that 80 at meal as her partner has a very small number coming.It is the trend here to send invites out in batches as in if you receive regrets a few weeks later send to others. I personally feel people know they are obviously 2nd choice Lots of cousins are on our lists but only 1 is in a relationship. At my last daughter's wedding they replied saying they were coming on their own. These are my husband's sisters families whom I get on with but not the same as your own siblings. Would it be rude to
explain beforehand saying if they wished to bring a guest they were more than welcome but because of numbers this time I felt it would be a bit late when their replies were received to send invites out? We are talking over 20 people here so it would mean about 10 couples we would have liked to have been invited from the beginning It's akward with limited nos.

Sorry don't think I have came over well with my question. I do understand I would invite person & guest and their reply would advise if 1 or 2 coming. My problem is I feel all invites should go out together and rude to send more after replies recieved. Owing to numbers being limited we have had to cut out some otherwise who would have been included. Problem was last time we invited cousins with guests all not in a relationship came on their own. If this was going to happen again we would be able to invite others from the start. Hope this explains better. Threfore question really was with close family could I ask before invites go out if they intended bringing a guest, stating if they did the guest would be very welcome but would like to know? Thanks for all replies

Answer 1

I would say that the people you invite to the meal should be the ones you/your daughter know the best... if this is the case then talking to them before you send out the invites shouldn't be too much of a problem.. all I would say is that those who don't have a guest need to know others who will be at the meal or they wont feel comfortable in coming, especially if they know that there will be actual couples there as well.

I can understand what you are saying.. it isn't nice to feel second choice and, although that is not really the case, it may come across that way.

I guess it is not really the etiquette of wedding invites to ask before you send them out, but i feel it would be more polite. It needs to be made quite clear whether people can invite guests or not or you'll end up with more confusion in the long run.

Answer 2

Send out all the invites at once. I really dislike sending out batches of invitations.

On the invitation, just invite the one person and do not include and guest. Some of them will do this. Some of them will call and ask if they can bring someone. Some of them will bring a guest anyway.

Don't extend the invitation to bring a guest, or some of them will take you up on the offer even if they don't care about bringing a guest. Take it on a case-by-case basis if they decide to RSVP for guests anyway.

Answer 3

the best way to handle this is to send out your wedding invitations alittle early, get the RSVPs back to get a more accurate count. Traditionally, when inviting a single person, the RSVP reads "and guest", some people like to have a date for a wedding event. I have heard of 1st and 2nd mailings with invitations, usually 1st being family and closer friends, so I would send those out early. Just make sure the 2nd invitations go out within6 to 8 weeks before the wedding date.

Answer 4

I think if you don't want the invitee to bring a guest then just address it to the person. No and guest. Hopefully they'll understand that numbers are limited. I don't want to ruffle feathers but that is very tacky to send out invites in batches. Send out your invites and whoever comes, comes. No, well if they can't come we'll invite so and so. You said so yourself people know they are 2nd choice and I personally would be hurt if that were me.

Answer 5

Hi yes its ok to ask as then you will know what is what, its not rude its organised, but then you hav egot to think of the numbers for example you might end up with loads of guest, to many will people will come then. If you are having an evening do then just invite these people you havent invited to the wedding. All i say is you invite who you want to invite. and if people reply a saying the arnt coming then of course you can send them an invite i think they ill understand and if they dont then it is tough. You can please everyone at weddings as we all well know.
Invite the first people you want to be at the wedding then if they dont come then invite the others. But i would as the people who you want to definalty be at the wedding first. But yes ask them first and then if most of his side dont turn up then you can invite more,

Answer 6

When did you start letting the guests run things. If you state that their are only X #'s of seats for the people in the mailings and you would like every-ones name for seating most will comply. For those that don't, take them aside immediately and give them the bad news. It's good to be grown up and remember it's the Newlyweds Day and nobody Else's.

Answer 7

No, your really not suppose to.... you should move up the RSVP date to get a faster count. I guess you could if your very friendly with the person but it's a little rude. I had this chat with my FI because we were unsure about the guest list and chance are if you give people a date- they will bring one.

Answer 8

Of course it is acceptable to ask - how on earth would you manage the catering without knowing the numbers?

Answer 9

Just address the inside envelope "so and so And Guest"

Answer 10

I think, given your situation, it would be acceptable to ask first. Just make sure you explain why.