we have been together for 5 years and we just had our second child on the 22nd. my fiance works from 7:30 am to 5:00pm. and he thinks he doesnt have to help take care of the kids. i sit home all day with them. by the way the other one is a boy and is 3. so you can imagine the stress i have with him. but he comes home and wants to do his own thing. he doesnt hold his newborn or even ask how my day was. it makes me feel like he doesnt care. plus we live with his parents and that is very stressful for me and i try to tell him and he doesnt even say a word. i dont know what to do or how to get it through to him how i feel. i have told him straight out before when i was pregnant with the 2nd child that i feel like he dont care and he didnt even try to change. it was always me talking about the baby. but he said he wanted another child. plus i am 19 and he is 21. any help would be great thank you.
2007-01-31 01:54:59 · 12 answers · asked by malibu 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
plus on the weekend he doesnt help either. he wants to do his own thing. play his playstation 2, watch tv, work on vehicles (cars that him n his dad arent gonna drive for years to come)they call em hot rods. and im still stuck with doing everything. i could handle it with 1 child but 2 is getting to be too much for just me to handle. i always give the baths make sure our son brushes his teeth ect. and he sees nothing wrong with this. i have repeatedly told him while i was pregnant with the 2nd child i would need his help. and he agreed...so what happend? he will only do something if i ask him to and i usually have to ask him at least twice. i feel like im raising 3 kids.
2007-01-31 02:09:00 · update #1
plus i had a csection that he watched and he doesnt even ask me how i feel. and for anyone that has had a csection you know they are not very fun.
2007-01-31 02:14:54 · update #2
Let me begin by saying you yourself are still a baby as is your fiance. I can only assume that he is feeling the pressures of being a father and quite possibly realized he is in over his head.
Raising children is the hardest and most thankless job you will ever have, but the reward of watching your precious gifts walk through life far outweighs the bad. It takes a LOT of time, patience and a STRONG support system to raise happy healthy children. While it may be uncomfortable living with your fiance's family, you are blessed to have an in-home support system.
At this point you need to figure out how the situation can be improved. What can he do to help you with the kids? Is it a matter of spending a little time with them in the evening to give you a break each day? Do you need him to watch the kids while you prepare dinner? Would you like one day off per week to do the things you like or just to sit around and relax without being 'on duty'. Basically you need to figure out what he can do to take some of the pressure off of you.
It is completely up to you to communicate all of your needs to him where the kids are concerned. You must communicate what you expect of him as a father and a partner. You must also remind him that it takes both parents to successfully raise a child and boys especially need an active dad. Also remind him the less stressed your are the better your relationship with him will be.
2007-01-31 02:21:34 · answer #1 · answered by wonderingwifenga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the problem. Neither of you have experienced life and other relationships so my guess is you have no experience on how to hold together a relationship and this one is stale. You are a mater of convenience for him and he has a matter of responsibility to you. Being together since such a young age with 2 kids leaves you little time for anything else and these sort of relationships almost never work out. Give some consideration to making a tough decision and move on. You'll probably have peole tell you to seek counseling blah, blah, blah that will not benefit either of you. Take a long break from each other. If it comes back around then maybe it was meant to be. I hope you are not financially bound and stuck were you're at.
2007-01-31 02:08:08 · answer #2 · answered by father of 4 husband of 1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to move out of his parent's place ASAP. Chances are his behaviour is due to the fact that his dad may have been just as unhelpful and uninvolved? It seems as though his parents are not a good influence in getting him to help you more. While i'm sure his mum helps you during the day and that must be great I really dont' think it's healthy for the two of you to depend so much on his parents when you are starting out. You need to create a unique family environment of your own and YOU need to be the woman of the house!
Can you go and stay with your mum (or other family member) for a while? You're not married so you don't have to live with him. And then move in with him (to your own home) once you're married?
It seems that your fiancé is also under pressure and he may be feeling bad that he can't afford to move out of his parent's home, especially seeign that its making you unhappy. And maybe he's reverting to behaviour patterns that he had when he was growing up in his family. It's an emotionally charged environment and its no good for your relationship.
Maybe moving away will give you both time out from these bad circumstances and you'll be able to think clearer and come to a decision that's best for your young family.
2007-01-31 02:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by Lucy Lake 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you - that is a tough situation. You are right about one thing though - he should be helping you with the kids. Why does he think he is excused form this? Just because he works 'outside of the home' all day? So what - you work 'inside of the home' all day and I can guarantee your job is a lot more emotionally exhausting. You need to seek out some kind of support. Please, please listen to me on this one. I was in a situation similar to yours and it was so hard on me. It doesn't have to be that way. Do you have a Health Unit in your area? Someplace where public health nurses work? Are you getting any kind of post-partum support from anyone? ie: dr, midwife, nurse, etc. Sometimes, depending on where you live, a public health nurse will come out and provide in home support to you after you have a baby. If you have this service where you live, call them. My public health nurse provided me with so much support and got me in touch with mother's groups so I didn't feel so alone. You can also go to your dr. and tell them you need some kind of support, mom's group, etc. Please ask for help. You can't do this on your own.
PS: I am now on my own with my 2 kids, I left my husband and although it was a hard decsion I do not regret it. I am so much happier and am with someone who is a huge help to me.
Good luck!
2007-01-31 02:21:29 · answer #4 · answered by catcrazy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to still be too immature for children. Tell him flat out that your not at all amused by his behavior and if he doesn't change you'll find someone who will! Life doesn't always work out the way we plan and it's seems that he only wanted another child to keep you on lock. Living with his parents, with two babies?! That's ridiculous. He needs to get his priorities straight. Put it to him, don't let him treat you like ****! If that was my man i would knock him all the way into next week.
If he doesn't change you might have to, there's no reason to live like that. Do what's best for children. If your truly not happy you can always get an government apartment until you can get on your feet.
*Good luck!!
2007-01-31 02:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both need counseling ASAP. as a couple and for you too!! you can't feel like this forever, this is not a good situation for you. you both "work" full time, after your 40 hours, children "watching" should be done with the whole family, he doesn't continue to work when he gets home and you should have help. take a class or something at night and get out of the house for an hour or 2 once a week!! please get your family help, this is awful for you!!
2007-01-31 02:01:29 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he thinks its all your responsibility - as you are both quite young he probably doesnt want to be bothered with a baby when he gets home.
myself and my fiancee - who are in our early 20s have 1 child and 1 on the way - he works from 6am till 7pm, and when he gets home baths and gets our 3 yr old ready for bed, reads him a story and puts him to bed. On a weekend, he will help with ironing, washing, cooking and cleaning as well as looking after me and our child.
You need to lay down the law with your partner, parenthood should be shared - he'll regret it when the children are older and he has missed out
2007-01-31 02:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by schmushe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make a list of everything you do all day long...and have him do the same. He might not even realize all the work involved in staying home with the children. Sometimes they don't get it until you put it in writing. Be nice about it, but show him how hard you work.
2007-01-31 02:01:02 · answer #8 · answered by mq1229 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If hes acting like this when your just engaged imagine how hes going to be when ya'll get married, it seems to me like he doesnt care about you or your kids that much. You need to sit down and make a decision do you want to spend the rest of your life with him, having kids and taking care of them yourself, or do you want to go out into the world and find the man you deserve and that will love your kids like they are his own??
2007-01-31 02:05:18 · answer #9 · answered by pudge30002002 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
that men for you the only think of them self my husband is the same way i too stay at home with my daughter she is 2 my husband has never even changed her diaper i would feed your kids and change them then hand them over to him and tell him you need a break and go to another room and leave him with them i bet he will go crazy after 2 minutes then maybe he will see what you go though and wanta help a little good luck!!
2007-01-31 02:04:50 · answer #10 · answered by kailey0819 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋