I am having a really bad day people. Is anyone else having a bad day? Has anyone got any good jokes to cheer me up?;(
2007-01-31 01:44:11 · 3 answers · asked by Banny Grasher 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A man wakes up and says to his wife,"I had a wet dream about you last night!"
"Aww did you?" she replies
"Yeah i dremt you were hit by a bus and i pissed myself laughing!"
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Did you hear about the gay magician????
He disappeared with a poof!
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A women is complaining to her husband about having small boobs.
"Why dont you just rub a piece of tissue between them once or twice a day?"he says,"They'll start to grow almost imediatly and in a few weeks they will be absolutly massive!"
"Dont be silly dear"she replys "Why on earth would tissue make my boobs bigger?"
"No idea why"he says "but it worked on your a*s"
_____________________________________________________one night after a few drinks two guys decide to risk the drive home. they are only in the car for a minuite when an officer pulls them over and arrests them.
When they go to court the judge says to them"Well you seem like fairly nice men...I will tell you something,If you can go out this weekend and persuade at least one person to give up drinking i will let you go."
After the wkend they return to the judge and he says to the 1st guy..."How many people did you convince to stop drinking?"
"17" he replys The judge is amazed and asked how he done it.
"simple...I drew a big circle and a little circle next to each other...then explained the big circle is your brain before alcohol and the small one is after alcohol."
The judge is impressed and then calls up the second man to see how he did.
"Your honour i persuaded 156 people to give up alcohol"
"WOW"replys the judge "but how"
"well I used exactly the same picture only i said the small circle is your a*s before prison......
2007-01-31 01:57:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
a woman decides to go out with her girlfriends tell her husband she will be home by midnight. shes out having fun and doesnt realize the time. she arrives home at 3 in the morning. she is trying to be quiet not to wake her husband and then the kookoo clock starts to chime. but the clock only goes 3 times, so thinking quickly she imitates the clock and "kookoo"s the rest to make it sound like its midnight, thinking she did a pretty good job she goes to bed......in the morning her husband tells her they should get a new clock.. she asks why..he says well, it started off ok, kookoo, kookoo, kookoo and then it giggled, kookoo, kookoo, hiccup ..kookoo kookoo, then it tripped over the footstool and passed out on the couch. hehehe.
this isnt a joke but..my friend was out with a bunch of friends the other night, and many had been drinking so they were all staying the night. this one girl doesnt want to stay so she was trying to call her other friend to come and get her to take her home. anyway i guess she was getting pissed that he wouldnt answer. turns out, she wasnt calling on the phone, she was trying to use her pack of cigarettes. needless to say i think she had a bit much to drink.
hope your cheered up:)
2007-01-31 11:17:26 · answer #2 · answered by loveboatcaptain 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
2007-01-31 10:07:41 · answer #3 · answered by neilhollydood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋