How can I deal with behavior issues with a 5 yr old boy?

Question

His dad and I are experiencing an issue with our son listening at home and school. He would rather play instead of doing his classwork. We have spanked him, taken toys away, taked tv time away, and taken away Chuck E. Cheese. I am at the end of my robe. Spanking don't even phase him any more. Any advice?

Answer 1

Try being very understanding. Sit him down and tell him you understand he doesn't want to do this but it is very important and we can do something you like after we finish this. Maybe there is something going on at school, ask him, talk to his teacher. Maybe he feels like he is not getting enough play time with you and his father. Try designating a time when he gets home from school for play and maybe this will help! GOOD LUCK! Remember let him know you UNDERSTAND his feelings and we all do things we dont want to do and its OK to be mad and upset but we still have to get through it and then we can play.

Answer 2

Get a taser.

Just kidding. It sounds like he needs to be taught some respect though.

Take all of his toys, and put them into trash bags - have your husband hold onto him and make him watch, but do not let him interfere. Put him in the car along with the trash bags full of toys, and drive down to the salvation army, or some other charity (if you have spent a lot of money on the toys - either get a receipt and use it against your taxes, or as an alternate plan - switch the bags out and store the toys somewhere in your house, and donate some other stuff--maybe a few old toys and clothes--but he will think he just lost all of his toys).

Make him watch as you carry all of the bags in, and inform him that since he refuses to show his parents and teachers respect, that you are being forced to take extreme measures.

Take him back to the house, and make him watch while you disconnect the television set, and put it out in the garage, or some other place for storage. He's probably too young to use the computer, but make sure it is passworded or something so he can't use it either.

Finally, sit him down and explain that from now on, until he straightens up, that he will spend every minute that he is not at school sitting in his room, without any toys or television, the only exception being mealtime, where he will be given basic foods, no desserts. He will not be allowed to play with friends or go outside.

If he throws a fit, let him - put him in his room, and latch the door.

It sounds cruel, but it should get his attention pretty quickly.

Answer 3

First of all...please don't spank your son! Second, you are going about this all wrong. Five year olds are very "me-centric," meaning they view things only as to how they relate to them. So, instead of punishing for "bad" behavior, start REWARDING good behavior and you will see a big difference. For example, if your so won't sit quietly at dinner, tell him that IF he behaves at the table, he can watch an extra 15 minutes of TV, or something similar. Now, if he misbehaves, he doesn't lose anything, but he doesn't gain either, and being very "me-centric," he will most likely go for the "gain."

Finally, have you considered that even tho he is 5, he may be too immature for Kindergarten? Every child is different, after all. Also, why not sit in or volunteer in his class...maybe he's bored! Again...go this route and you will see a difference.

Answer 4

Have you never watched nanny 911? Jo always always has a naughty spot, just a rug or something out of the way where he will get no attention, and put him there for 5 minutes or whatever accordingly to his behavior. You'll probably want to make up some kind of reward system. like make a Chuck E Cheese head and cut it into pieces, when he does good things, make the head one piece at a time. This way, he has to work up to it. about 90% of the time it works for her. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Shock collar?
Just kidding. That would be cruel.
I would suggest setting up a rewards system. When he does good and pays attention, his teacher gives him a gold star. When he does bad, he receives a red star. This should be in a folder at school and the days of the month set up as a calendar. His goal is to fill the calendar with gold stars and as a reward, he gets to go to Chuck E. Cheese.

Answer 6

My 5yr old son is the same way. But he is also ADHD. Have you had him tested for ADD or ADHD? Spanking is not helping mine. Last night I put him in the corner and he did not like it.. but it seemed to work. I have punished him from his games as well til he can learn how to talk to me. I am pregnant right now and he tells me that I am replacing him.. which kills me. So some if his meaness is acting out about the baby. I tell him over and over.. that he is my favorite big boy and the baby will be my favorite little boy. Anyway.. I am getting off the subject. Others told me time out, hot sauce (tried that along with soap) just doesn't work on him. The corner thing or putting his nose to the wall and not moving til told too. He hates it. So try that, keep doing it over and over. I had to make mine sit there by standing in front of him for moment and telling him that it could get longer if he would act up again. So this is something I am going to try to stick with since it seems to work. I wish you luck and know how you feel. Also.. since my son was acting up in school.. he was put on 10mg of Focalin XR. It helps at school, but it is wore off for home.

Answer 7

Honey don't think you are alone.Our son just turned 6 and he is way off the hook. Exactly as to what you are saying about your son. Are you sure they are not twins? everyone says you have a twin out there somewhere. We have tried all of those things too, and nothing seems to work. I have talked to my son's teacher at school, and she says for me to set goals, with him, but make them short ones. Have you tried a sticker chart yet? We are going to reward him with Chuck E Cheese if he is good. Try making him do more school work at home now, of what he learned that day. Good Luck, and please keep me informed.

Answer 8

Spanking usually works on the oldest kid. The others siblings seem immune to it including an only child. He sounds just very immature and not ready to settle into a classroom routine. Playing is part of being a kid and boy's mature slower than girls.
You might want to take him out of school and do some one on one with him for the rest of the year. Then next year put him back in school maturity eventually happens.. you just need patience.

Answer 9

If you are at the end of your rope, surely you can see that you've been dangling in the wrong direction. Your son is far too young for your expectations, it sounds like.

Spanking always fails, so if you've been using it to maintain order so far, you've failed yourself and your son because you haven't taught him how to behave, only how to avoid getting hit.

He's too young for school. Of course he would rather be playing. If you actually read about child development, you would see that school is utterly inappropriate for boys until at least age 6/7. He learns by playing and by being with mom, not by doing stupid school work.

You think you're at the end of the rope? Imagine being him with parents who hit instead of teach, who expect him to at older than he is, and who has sooooo much tv time it is used as a punishment.

Get the book How to Talk So Kids WIll Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk. Awesome guide to teaching kids self-discipline.

Also, take him out of school and just stay home with him. Take him to parks, zoos, museums, the woods. Stand in streams together, pile up rocks to dam it. Collect sticks in the shapes of letters. (My 4 year old did a big parade through the neighborhood holding a huge y-shaped stick once.) Read to him. Have him tell you stories and write his stories down and have him illustrate those.

Stop with the punishment, treat him in age appropriate ways, start teaching self-discipline. Give him the love and attention and appropriate activities for his development. Stop with the tv and pull out the books. Have him cook with you.

We unschool - our 9 and 14 year olds have never been to school and never been forced to do a single lesson. Not only do the blow the tops of standardized testing, they love learning. They are excited about discovery and creating. Because no one destroyed all their initiative, pride, and love of learning by forcing them into places and structures they don't belong and are not ready for.

Answer 10

Have you tried to ignore him like he does you? My cousin used to ignore everyone in favor of toys. Spanking, groundings, taking away of privileges and toys did nothing. So his mom decided to ignore him for a while. After a few days, he got tired of it. He actually started to listen more.