question for dads (step dads)?

Question

Hi, I know taking on another mans child has got to be hard but my husband has been my sons dad for the last 4 and a half years (my son is now 8) am i asking too much that he loves him unconditionally like a proper father should love his son? my husband hardly does anything with him and they barely talk they definately dont show affection although sometimes he tells him he loves him and somethimes buys him stuff. this is my point it is only sometimes, everytime my son is naughty at school my husband blames me for being a bad mother, shouldnt he start taking some of the responsibility for him also when we have argued over my son in the past over punishment etc it always ends in him telling me he is a little Sh't and he hates him and i should take MY son and get out, obviously my son overhears this if I dont agree to certain punishments my husband has dealt him (as they are harsh) my husband says im on my own then and ignores my son for up to 2 weeks until i apologise, its got to the

point where they dont seem to have any relationship and i am in the middle of it all.
my husband has a son from previous marriage and I treat him as my own, (he lives with his mother) in my husbands eyes he can do no wrong and blatently treats his own alot better than he does mine, he is very unfair on this and it upsets me and my son.
I would have thought he would not be like this as he was brought up by a man who was not biologically his dad, what can i do. he treats me badly too but i just want whats best for my son,
Despite all this my son tells me is happy and it doesnt seem to affect him too much am i just overreacting??

Answer 1

if you want the best for your son then leave that so called husband of yours, your son is goin to look up to him as a father figure but he isnt and doesnt act like one, any male can help make a child it takes a real man to be a real father whether it is his kid or not!!! my dad is not my biological father BUT he is the best dad i could ask for to me he is not a step dad... he is my dad has been since i was two and always will be!!!! If any man wants to be in a relationship with someone who has a child he should love me and my child otherwise he knows where the door is!!!!

Answer 2

I'm not a dad or step dad but a step daughter that was not wanted by her step dad he only wanted his own daughter and she did no wrong in his eyes either, but she was a horrible child and adult and treats him badly

your son may say he's happy but he's probably not he's only 8 and as of yet still young as he gets older it will be a problem you need to decide if you're son deserves too be treated like a second class citizen by your husband or put a stop to it now. no child should be called names by an adult maybe your husband has a few issues about being raised by a man that was not his farther and his step father was not a very good dad either and treated him as he is your son

Answer 3

If your son and his son were on a sinking boat and you could only save one, who would it be? Your son can't be happy listening to the two of you arguing all the time about him. You say your son is happy and it isn't affecting him but why do you think he is acting up in school? Put yourself in your sons shoes, is that how you would want to spend your life? Where is your sons Dad and does he spend time with him? It doesn't sound like you or your son are happy. If you want what is best for your son, then you wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who treats you and YOUR son badly. I feel very bad for your son, at 8, he should fell happy and loved. Good luck with everything.

Answer 4

First, listen to your son. If he's genuinely happy then take heart.
However, he could be saying that so as to avoid conflict. Your husband doesn't sound like a very nice guy but then how many stepfathers are? He sides with his own birth son and criticises you and your son. This, I'm afraid, indicates an unbalanced mind. he is unlikely to see a therapist so it's up to you to get him to talk by asking him about his feelings towards you and your son. The way he answers will tell you a lot about his true attitudes towards you.

Answer 5

Have you considered not having either of these men 'give you away'? It is a modern and strong statement to walk up the aisle alone. I did so for my second marriage and I don't regret it for a second. (My Dad was alive then and I didn't have any step-parent issues. I just made the choice.) Alternatively, what about your Mom? It sounds like she has stood beside you all the way.

Answer 6

Many a relationship have ended because of the situation you're in. First off you cannot force a man to love your kid, it just wouldn't be the same. By the same token it takes a lot for a man to love a kid that's not his. He made a promise to love and respect you, knowing that you already have a child, he need to show your son some respect and in time the love will come.

Answer 7

honey...take your son and leave....NEVER allow anyone to call your child a little sh!it, he should know that when he got with you, thet your son was part of the package and should accept him NO MATTER WHAT....if he's told you to go and take your son with you, then do just that...ignoring a child for 2 weeks...where is this mans head at, we all try our best with our kids, it seems that your husband does not care about your son but he does his and he would be happy to see the back of yours, do not take this crap from him, just leave and start a new life with your son, jeez imagine how your son feels when he hears stuff like that, it must really upset him, sit down and ask him how he fels about the situation, he may want to get a few things off his chest, ask him if he's happy with having a step dad like that, kids do have feelings too, i feel sad for him, kids remember everything and i think your son will resent that man in years to come....do yourself a big favour and get out.....if not for you, but for yor son, he does not deserve to be treated like that, bless him

Answer 8

ive been there as the child and now i have no relationship with either my dad or step mother. you come as part of package and as i told my new partner love me love my daughter and accept the package or i'm off. my new partner took this on board and has accepted her like his own. husband needs to realise that his behaviour is probably contributing to your son's and unless he's willing to sort it out things won't change. be strong and brave and tell him its making you miserable if he does'nt listen then take him at his word and leave. you and your son are the most important people and no one has the right to treat either of you badly especially by some one who is supposed to love you both.

Answer 9

Im not a father. But i can maybe give you some little advice.

First, your son tells you He is happy! There you go.
You cant force someone to love someone, you cant force someone to treat someone else better or take responsiblity. He has to be willing to do it on his own. It sounds like he isnt willing to change his ways, and since you married him and KNEW this would happen. You just have to deal with it.
If you have told him how you felt and he doesnt care, then maybe you need to be doing some rethinking.
But dont let it bother you to much if your son is happy! He has a dad, thats all a child wants. Dont worry about WHO gets treated better, though it does matter, just dont worry about it so much. Keep peace within the home. And step up to your man.

Answer 10

When he married you he knew you had a son. He should love your son just as much as he loves you. Your son is in for a miserable life if you don't get him away from this man. Your son's happiness should be most important.