A soon to be 17 year Old Daughter Dating and Driving?

Question

I have a lovely daughter 16 presently soon to be 17 going to her first Prom and independent. Boys are starting to notice and she has her own car . She communicates socially through facebook emails and cell phones. We always do not get the truth as we know from her and a boy of 20 has taken interest. What rules and consequences and parenting can you suggest that shows respect and safety for all parties.

Answer 1

The 20 year old is the least of your worries, but talk to him. Tell him that you're her mother, and you would like to establish a speaking relationship with him. Know who he is. Know what kind of background he has. These are your responsibilities. Forbidding her from dating him is like forbidding yourself from having a slice of chocolate cake. You're setting yourself up for failure. Knowing who he is and what's going on is more importiant. It's now time to have a very frank sex talk with your daughter and the cost incurred of having a baby and the responsibilities involved. Reflect back on raising your daughter on how to address this. She's more likely to end up pregnant and at an abortion clinic if you ignore the problem and pretend like she isn't having sex and forbid her from seeing him. I'm sure you remember being a teenager. Keep the lines of communication open.

The rules my parents had for me when I started driving were as follows;

No passengers. Studies have shown time and time again teens will give into peer pressure and drive less safely if their friends are in the car. Each passenger raises the risk of an accident by a dramatic amount. She doesn't need to be a taxi, anyway

Any moving violation - Speeding, running a light, running a stop sign, etc - I would lose my drivers license and keys for a month until I signed on my own insurance policy and was paying for it myself. This was deterrant enough that I never got a speeding ticket until I was on my own insurance policy.

Defensive driving and drivers ed - Cannot stress these enough. Drivers ed teaches her how to drive, defensive driving teachers her how to be wary of other drivers and how to react should another driver make a stupid move.

NO DRINKING AND DRIVING. The fact is, she's 16, she has older friends, she has access to alcohol. It's time to face the facts and establish rules of saftey instead of preaching "YOU WILL NOT DRINK", because it won't work any other way. By all means, discourage it, but tell her that if she has even 1 drink, she is not to drive, and she is to either stay where she is or call you or another adult to come pick her up. Don't get mad at her if she ever does this or she'll drive instead of calling you. Sit down with her and show her the facts of a DUI - It follows you around for quite awhile. It can cost upwards of 10,000$ by the time all is said and done with attorney fees, court costs, fines, etc. Show her the facts. The monitary cost is going to put people off more than the risk of accident, because nearly everyone thinks "I'll never be in an accident."

Dad or another person needs to teach her how to do a minimum of 4 things on a car - How to change the oil, how to change a tire, how to a simple tune up (sparkplugs and wires) and how to change a serpentine/accessory belt.

Answer 2

When I was 16, I dated a 25 year old and I had an on-off relationship with him for 4 long horrible years. I would advise against this completely! That boy should be dating girls his own age. If your daughter was 24 1/2 and he was 27, it would be very different. He is supposed to be much more mature than her at this point. If he is looking for girls that much younger than him, there might be something wrong with him. He is most certainly thinking of sleeping with your daughter. 17 year old boys think about sex and eating. He needs to back off your daughter until she's a little older. I want to say this again because it's very important. If he were a normal 17 year old boy, he would be interested in girls his own age or a year or two each way. That much of a gap in age in that time frame is no good! It is however perfectly normal for your daughter to like older guys...that's not weird at all. And, it's not just a gender thing, 17 year old females should not be getting with 14.5 year old males. Don't put your daughter in a cage or punish her though, that won't do any good at all. Try to spend more time with her and go to the mall together or movies or whatever. Girl time is the best time in the world!

Answer 3

You have to learn to give trust before you can receive trust.

Suggest the times she should be home, that the boyfriend being older is also given the instructions and told that you expect him to honor your request. The dating is usually the least of the worries. Its the driving that is the highest risk. Speeding showing off alcohol consumption and driving with others in the car. Maybe lay down some rules about that.Ensure one is willing to abstain and be the designated driver

Perhaps it's also time for the mother daughter talk, although she probably knows more than you want to think. The only thing maybe that she is not on contraception yet But with a 20 year old its only a matter of time and sex will rear its head. So make the decision now to see no unwanted pregnancies are likely.

But learn to let go a little,

Answer 4

Well, here's the deal from my point of view. It was not that long ago that I was 20 years old. I disagree with the fact that the other lady thinks a 20 year old shouldn't be interested in a 16 year old. Yes, a 16 year old my not be old enough to recognize "true love" hehe, but they are old enough to know if their age difference is a problem in their relationship. 20 year old guys like to do certain things and act certain ways and 16 year old high school girls are no different. So I say, let them give it a try because if you try and keep them apart, they will probably just go behind your back and do it....which is how bad things happen and its just a lot easier when everyone is honest with each other and the parents can respect their childrens' decisions. They will know if there is a problem in their relationship.

Answer 5

Take her to a salvage yard and point out some wrecks do to drunk driving! Find some articles on fatalities due to drunk driving! Let her know that these are the consequences.
Set a curfew, last dance is at what time? How long does it take to get home? Don't allow much extra time! Have a teacher or some one from the school notify you if she leaves early, let her know this will happen, and if it does, the car will be taken away for x amount of time!

Answer 6

FIRST, if she DRINKS she doesn't drive. CALL you and there will be NO questions asked until the next day. NO ONE else drives her car for any reason. Set up some rules she MUST follow. If she breaks ANY of these rules, she looses her car. This is NOT up for debate. These are the rules end of story. As the father I would also be having a conversation with this 20 year old boy.

Answer 7

I agree with Stacy S. The most important thing right now is not your daughters feelings. It is her future. A twenty year old only has one thing in mind and it is not your daughters happiness. YOU, as the Parent must draw the line. Period. Take away her car if you have to, do whatever it takes to assure that your daughter does not end up at an abortion clinic, or pregnant before she even graduates high-school. Your daughter is most likely flattered by his attentions, and I promise that he will say or do anything to get what he wants. You must take steps to avoid this, call the police, confront him in their presence. Make it plain that your daughter is not available as a piece of meat for him to spoil. There is something wrong with a 20yr old man going after a 16yr.old girl. Do everything in your power to stop this, or another promising young lady will be ruined. As for parties, go with her! A little embarrassment goes a long way! Let them both know about your disapproval. But by all means, let your local law enforcement aware of your concerns.

Answer 8

As hard as it may be ,at 17 she is a young woman ,treat her like one. It is time to start letting go and see what's she's learned all these years. Meet the young man and make him feel welcome, he could be your son in law or grandsons father sooner than you think. I'm sure guys have noticed her long before this and this young man may or may not be her first. Your little girl is now a woman welcome this new phase you are about to begin with her. Do not try to interfere with her relationship, she must begin to and will make her own decisions.

Answer 9

i'm 17.,some boys hav shown interest to me, but i never entertain any one of them, i mean its just normal to date or get to know others, but in my case, i grew up in a conservative family...
they allow me to date as long as i know my limitations and will follow some rules like: keep my grades high, make sure the guy respects you and wont cause any distructions to me... i think every girl must know their limitations!.. gudluck

Answer 10

20 year olds should not be stalking out 16 year old children.