Mixed Signals... Guys, help - put them in perpective.?

Question

A very shy guy told me he likes me a hell of alot. I know he was embarassed but he wasn't expecting my answer of "Hey... I like you alot too". I've had a crush on you for ages.

We had deep and serious conversation about where this is going a month ago. We really click. Thats agreed.

I've made it clear I want to get to know him better but part of this comes with physical presence.

We met when he was in Aus 4 yrs ago and caught up when I was O/S last month. We catch up online, but he doesn't say much. He said he will visit as soon as he can but he is worried he will never want to leave if he does.

I feel bad asking him when he is coming here as I get the vibe it's an uncomfortable topic and his answer is always vague. I know $$$ isn't an issue nor is other responsibilities - apart from work.

I am confused between what is shyness, what is him backing off as he is no longer interested and what is my insecurities about being strung along.

Perpective please? Anyone?

:) LOL... Rejection is not an issue. He knows I am nuts about him. I just don't want to frighten him away! I know he is shy, but is his vagueness a result of this... I don't want to make an ar$e of myself if he isn't keen... He might be shy, but i'm the one feeling insecure as he isn't my normal type.

Answer 1

Well without knowing much about his personality, it's hard to say. Mixed signals? Definitely. Not sure why he would go out of his way to tell you how he feels, but then all of a sudden back away from it.

Maybe it was the "tease" factor that kept him interested. Now that you've opened up to each other, he feels odd about it or lost interest. All that means is that your friendship wasn't meant to be more in the first place. I suspect he's had relationship issues in the past.

Answer 2

You sound like a pretty smart cookie. I suspect that any and all of those things (shyness, backing off, loss of interest) could be the reason for his being so vague. Also, the distance part of the relationship might be a turnoff. Maybe that's not his idea of what a relationship should be like. Maybe he wants you, but he wants you to be next door, not down under or wherever you are.

But I think what struck me the most is that you sound very outgoing, and you describe him as very shy. Maybe the contrast is too much for him. Maybe he overlooked it initially, thinking that your personality differences would blend somehow, but found out over time that you are still very outgoing and he is still very shy. I'm not sure, but I think that your outgoing personality might be psychologically threatening to him--at least to the extent that it makes him a little nervous.

I think an outgoing person can easily wrap her wing around a shy person and sweep him onto the dance floor, but a shy person doesn't have any of that feeling of dominance and probably feels out of control and somewhat afraid.

Not sure what you meant about your clicking, but if you meant that you are doing great intimately, that may be one of the few areas where he feels very comfortable and unshy with you because it involves only the two of you.

Given the complexity of humans, I'm guessing you'll just have to ask him. You're articulate, so I'm sure you can put the words together that will get you the truth. Because of his shyness though, you might want to consider going at it incrementally rather than being very straight forward. In other words, "Do you think it's possible that we could ever end up going our separate ways some day?" might be better than "Do you want to end our relationship and are afraid to say so?" I doubt that he would be able to truthfully answer the second question. But the first question might get you a "I dread the though of that ever happening to us, but no one, I guess, can tell what the future can hold for any loving couple" instead of a more asertive "I can see no end to our relationship; that could never happen; you're not thinking of leaving me are you? Please don't say that, I can't bear the thought of life without you. I know our circumstances aren't ideal at the moment, but I know we'll find a way to complete happiness together, and it will happen soon." In the first response, he sounds like he's looking for a way out; but in the second response he sounds desperate to save the relationship.

Hey. Give it a shot. I know you're no dummy. If you write the right question, you'll be able to make sense of the response.

Answer 3

Well, to give you the answer you want We would have to know the guy and what he is like, which no one here can help you with. I tend to be a shy guy and would even go as far to say akward around women. I dont have any real reason to be I just tend to stress out about little things and rejection is much more than a little thing inside my head. Sometimes guys have a hard time expressing what they truely want to say out of fear of rejection. we live in a society where men have to put themselves out there to women to either be shot down or given "a chance". Maybe I'm off topic, but in a nutshell you need to tell him that a long distance thing is not working for you and it either has to result with him moving toward you, or you towards him, or it will end. I think that was your question.

Answer 4

Close your mouth and let him grow some balls...you've done as much as any woman is expected to without throwing yourself at him. Aussie women are about as open and easy to approach as women on this planet get, he's the one with the problem not you!

Answer 5

i think he is intrested but scared, he knows if he falls from you while your far away.. he might loose you... just ease him tell hkm you are his.. and then tell him u wnat him to bring his *** down here (where ever here is ) as soon as possible


J

Answer 6

the question was written in novel form, and then, low and behold, old guy writes the seguel in the answer, good grief, I forgot what the question was.

Answer 7

I guess you will just have to wait it out. Heh you have a wierd guy question 2 please go answer mine and make me feel better:)

Answer 8

i
hate

long

question