After separating , i know God is not pleased with divorce, but I have been emotionally and verbally abused by him, and i just couldn't take it no more. My question is should i go back, he has said he has changed and give his heart to God, and I just don't have no feeling there to hug him or kiss him or have sex with him. I just can't seem to have any faith or confidence in him at all! I am deeply seeking God for answers, but i just wanted to know if you think I should go back to him, even though my feeling for his is gone. I don't want to sin, I am 51 yrs old, and he does offer me security (I am disabled).. Please pray for me and any advice would be very appreciated, thanks so much God Bless You
2007-01-30 19:17:04 · 22 answers · asked by COUNTRY GIRL 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
is it truly right in God's eyes to stay with a spouse even though you don't have feelings for him anymore?
2007-01-30 20:52:31 · update #1
Marriage is the creation of God. Yes, it was made by the Father and therefore sacred. But you are the Father's precious daughter and Jesus shed his blood for you. When a father on earth has a daughter being abused, he automatically wants to protect her. Your heavenly Father wants to protect you also. Remember, you are the head and not the tail. Christ came so that we might have abundant life. He came so that we could live in victory. God does not expect you to be an emotional or physical punching bag for a guy who cannot control his temper. If you are in danger, do not live with him. If he says he has changed, stay separated from him for a time and see whether he really has. See if he goes to church and see what he does and how he acts. If you find after a lengthy separation that he is telling the truth, speak to him about getting counseling for his temper. The part about forgiveness is important, you can forgive and start over and rekindle those feelings again. All things are possible with God.Whatever your problem, God is bigger than your problem. He can and does heal marriages. If he is really serious about accepting Christ, this would be a wonderful thing. But you have to determine if he is really telling the truth or just trying to lure you back. To go back now when you may be in danger, would be an awful mistake. God did not create you to be abused. You are a daughter of the King! No person has a right to mistreat you! If, after you have observed him for a while and see he has not really changed, then you have done all you can and I think you should go on. When one door closes, God will open another door for you! He created us to be happy. It is your right to have victory through Christ. God bless you and I will be praying for you.
2007-01-31 03:21:29 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can a leopard change his spots? That was what I asked myself years ago. I left my husband once - this was along long time ago. The separation lasted 3 months during which time he kept swearing that he now understood what was making me so unhappy and that he has changed... promised to be better and that we were going to be so happy again. I was a Christian already at the time and he even promised to come with me to Bible Studies and church etc etc. So I went back. Not two months after my return, he suddenly said to me that he couldn't beleive "those things" in the Bible and then just went back to being his abusive self. Three years later (I was still praying and praying for him) he left me for another woman. In the midst of the most terrible depression I have ever experienced, I asked myself, "Can a leopard change his spots?" The answer is of course, "No."
Unless your husband is a born again Christian with the Spirit of God enabling him, he cannot change his character either.
My advice is do not rush back to your husband... watch and pray. Can you live without him? Can you live with him and go on like before? Do you beleive he is really born again and sincere in his Christian walk?
God desires that we live in peace and enjoy the good gifts that He has given and contribute something positive and good to His world. How can it serve God to go back and endure an abusive relationship?
If you decide NOT to go back to your husband, you do understand that you cannot remarry, don't you?
I myself have never remarried and I must say, I am much much more happy now that I had ever been with my ex-husband.
2007-01-30 20:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by Phoebhart 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can only tell you that if he truly wants to change and be the husband he says he will be, that you can learn to love him again. I am speaking from personal experience but it may not last forever as they have a tendency to get complacent after they get secure. The bible tells us to forgive 70 times 70 and that is a lot! It is very hard to do but if he tells you he will be a godly man it may be worth the risk of trying again. Believe me I know what you are feeling as I am going through the same thing myself but my husband has not wanted to have a relationship with God and that is the only way it can work. Two things could happen 1. You go back and he is the same miserable lot and you have lost more time..2. He is the Godly man that you could have a wonderful marriage.....I don't know, I guess I would take the risk but lay down rules before you go......bless you
2007-01-30 19:35:33 · answer #3 · answered by Godb4me 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You might start by going to counseling together. You can set an appointment with a good pastor for counseling too. I think this would be a big step toward helping. You might want to consider being in each others present sort of part time. Not over night but watch TV together, go out together someplace. Kind of like date him for awhile and get an idea what he's like now. It might be good to have him over AND have other friends over at the same time. See how he acts. See what he says to them. Maybe ask a friend to privately ask him what his plans are, see if he is serious about getting back together etc. Pray about it... Hope this helps.
2007-01-30 19:49:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everything that Skypiercer said in his answer is correct, please follow it! it is exactly what I would have said.
I would add the following, please pick up any one or all of these books they are inspired by the Holy Bible and will drastically change your marriage for the better:
Love & Respect
Every Woman's Battle
Every Man's Battle (for husband)
5 Love Languages
Power of a Praying Wife
All these books are mere shadows of the Word of God, the Holy Bible.
You've invested 12 years of your life in this man, do you feel he deserves another chance? I think Satan wants to tear the two of you apart. Marriage was created by God to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, don't destroy that picture.
Remember that God HATES divorce, if there is any way possible to avoid then please do so. I know that if the two of you put CHRIST in the center of your marriage and wind yourself around HIM (like a three fold cord) then your marriage will succeed. I will pray for you and God bless!
EDIT- I believe that love is an ACT, it is something you do, not something you feel. I don't believe that people can fall "out" of love, I think they just stop doing. He hurt you, and you stopped loving him. It's entirely possible to start loving him back, especially if he is willing. Please pick up one of those books I mentioned, I think they will really help you, especially Love & Respect. I am here anytime you want to email me for support. Oh and please don't listen to that voodooit person down there, he/she is NOT a Christian. God bless you!
2007-01-30 19:57:43 · answer #5 · answered by Last Ent Wife (RCIA) 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
As a child of Father God and one who has also been abandoned by a husband after 28 years, I advise you not to ask for such important advice from people here. Remember that James teaches us that any who need wisdom should ask of Father God. We should not put our faith in humans. Seek the kingdom of God first, and everything you need will be added to you.(Matthew, chapter 5)
2007-01-30 19:41:00 · answer #6 · answered by martha d 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know this sounds a bit "preachy", but ALL of your security comes from the LORD. Even when you are with this man, it is God who provides for you.
I know pretty much where you are, and the angst you are suffering. What a dilemma.
How about this:
While you continue to pray about your circumstance, continue to pray for HIM. Not emotionally, but from the head as well as the heart.
While you are praying, ask him to prove himself. Just like you did when you were dating.
When people are courting, they are usually on their best behavior. But the longer they are together, the more familiar they become, and the "little things" begin to show up.
After a while, you should be able to tell if he "has changed his spots" as it were.(Jer. 13:23)
As you pray, ask the Lord to lift him up, and watch him to see if he really is on fire for the LORD, or if he is merely running a game on you.
Give it a lot of time. Don't jump into anything.
Be patient, and ask him to be patient also. Ask him to pray with you. This will certainly reveal the man's heart.
Be careful also that you don't slip back into old habits either, after all you don't want to press any of his buttons.
Allow Jesus to heal you, and heal your husband.
Ps.18:30
Blessings upon you and a prayer for you.
2007-01-30 19:57:20 · answer #7 · answered by Ironhand 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Forgive him as christ forgave you and you 'll definitely be lead by Gog's spirit on how effectivelly to handle the issue but your feeling has nothing to do here,it will only glue you to the past but you need to move on most importantly switch from focusing his faults to his virtues.what do you want in your husband that is missing &what do you see in him that u d'nt want try PRAYER. after all he said he has giving his heart to God you're still relivant in that home if you find it hard to believe him then believe God'WORD"love believe the best of every person (icor13:7 amp).be weary of some wicked and stupid advice God is the only one who holds the key to joy and happiness learn to stick only to His advice on all matters may you never miss it now & ever.AMEN
2007-01-30 20:51:59 · answer #8 · answered by Folde 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him that you are willing to go back, but first he must prove himself by commiting to attend a good Bible believing church (NOT a dead perfunctory one or a cult). He must allow for counseling for the both of you, so it must be a church that offers that. Then both of you need to get counseling from a spirit-filled counseler, seperately and together. Most of all, if he is truly seeking to serve God, it will show in his attitude not just towards you, but towards God and God;s people and God's house and most of all, God's Word, the Bible. Take it slow, stay seperated for awhile while he has a chance to show his true colors. Don't just jump back in immediately. God bless!
2007-01-30 19:37:27 · answer #9 · answered by skypiercer 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Be patient. If he has truly given his life to Christ, and not using 'church' just to get you back (as many do), he will treat you with the love and respect that he should. God will give you the love for him, again and the grace to be with him. Follow your peace, and trust God. He calls His children to live in peaceful dwelling places.
2007-01-31 00:55:19 · answer #10 · answered by jomi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋