I REALLY want a baby, but my boyfriend isn't ready?

Question

My boyfriend and I are both 23. We have been together over 2 years and we have lived together for almost the whole 2 years. We are SO happy together, but i'm wanting a baby and he's not ready for it! I had a miscarriage right before we got together and he doesn't understand that its been killing me ever since. I cry daily over it, and he tries to understand, but he's in school and doesn't want it yet. I work a good job that would allow me to work days, and my mom works a daycare, so my mom would watch the baby when i was at work... and we'd be ok honestly, but he's really worried about the money aspect of it all. We make enough now to support ourselves plus some and he just won't see it! It's getting really hard on me to try to keep it all in, because he was getting tired of hearing it all the time. And there are days when he talks about it and it gets my hopes up. And we don't use ANY protection and so im just getting mixed signals. Any advice?

Answer 1

If he is in school why don't you let him finish and get married and then talk about a family. You can't force him to do something that he does not want to do, it has to be a mutual decision to bring a child into the world. If he does not want kids then maybe you should re-think your relationship with him or wait until he is ready. I know it is hard but your time will come just try and be patient.

Answer 2

we'll I suggest marrying him first if your both happy and want to spend the rest of your life together. Besides not being ready what are his other reasons why he does not want a child? Was the spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) his baby? He might be afraid of that happening again. Maybe he wants to be out of school first but by know he should be if he is 23 like you said unless this is collage or night school for adults. I understand on the money part I'm due in 3 weeks and I worry at times about the money. Because I wont be working for 6 months after my son is born and my husband is only hired for part time at work. I can't go out and get a job after my son is born because child care is sparse in my town only 1 place and they don't take a infant until 8 weeks and that's 525.00 a month for 5 days a week. The both of you check out the link below its a nice tool that tells you about the cost of raising a child until 18 it might ease a bit of worry from your boyfriend so you can start saving for children in the long term and don't forget when the child is born you can file child tax when you do your taxes and you get a nice amount back.

Answer 3

He's simply not ready. The money thing is just an excuse. Really. This is a big deal. It's not wise to push him into it. If you get pregnant now he might be resentful. That will affect his relationship with the baby. Give him some time. You will still have feelings about your miscarriage whether you get pregnant or not. It is better to work out your feelings first, because you will be very scared and nervous during your next pregnancy if you don't and that isn't helpful in staying healthy during pregnancy. So it's better for both of you to wait a little anyway.

Answer 4

little ones at the instantaneous are not accesories. they don't look to be a lovable little necklace you may purchase for $25 money. little ones are expensive and once you're 20 you at the instantaneous are not waiting to have a baby. extremely because no 20 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous has a stunning good adequate interest to help a baby. And in case you at the instantaneous are not married yet it really is likewise not solid by using the indisputable fact that gives you your boyfriend the right to upward push up and leave on each occasion he needs to and then you're stuck with a toddler you may not preserve. So don't be egocentric and picture about in case you ought to extremely have a baby.

Answer 5

Well first off, he needs to understand..that if you are not using ANY protection, it's bound to happen. I'm sure that if you do get pregnant, after the shock of it wears off, he'll be excited about the idea. You need to sit him down and talk to him. I know it may sound like you're sitting a kid down to lecture them, but hey, if that's how it's gotta be then do it.

The money aspect, well that may take him a while. Because having kids isn't cheap. But no matter what you'll manage. Plus, having a baby won't ruin him being in school. He's not the one that will have the lovely pregnancy symptoms...you will be. He will still be able to go to school, have a life, but he'll also get the added bonus of a happy girlfriend and a beautiful baby.

Hope this helps, hun. Good luck. :)

Answer 6

Don't push him into something he doesn't want right now, because you could make him resent the baby and you for pushing it on him. You have plenty of time to have a baby just wait it out, let him finish schooling. I understand that going through a miscarriage is hard and it does hurt but don't try to replace the hurt with another baby that isn't going to be accepted by both parents. Just wait I promise you it will be worth the wait.

Answer 7

Get married for God's and your child's sake! He doesn't want a child because he doesn't want to commit to a marriage or even a long term relationship. He's looking to finish school then bale to Cancun with some other hussy. As in the words of Judge Judy, the path you're on there is a very high probability that your life is going to me miserable. The advice, get married first then worry about having a child.

Answer 8

i know u want a baby right away, but if he isnt ready, he isnt ready...u cant push something like this on anyone especially a man...it will only push him away...it sounds like he just wants to be %100 stable and done with school or maybe married first...u r only 23 and that is young to be parents...i know its not really young but u have lots of time for a child...it sounds like u may not be over the loss of your baby and maybe u need to talk to someone about that....having a baby to fill the void u have from your miscarriage isnt a good idea, u cant replace one baby with another...u need to deal with and have closure from the miscarriage before u even think about another baby...i hope this helps and i hope u get the help u need to overcome your loss...good luck to u in the future.

Answer 9

You are sounding very selfish and horrifyingly childish to me. A baby is a huge responsibility, not a puppy that you can pawn off on your mother while you go about your life. Your boyfriend has good reason not to want a child yet, but somehow what he wants doesn't matter to you. Do you think that having a baby will erase the fact that you had a miscarriage? It won't, losing that child will hurt you for the rest of your life no matter how many kids you have. Please start using protection. If you get pregnant now, even if it's his fault, he will resent you and most likely leave. Please wait until both of you are ready.

Answer 10

wow, sounds like you and your boyfriend aren't really communicating. I know how it feels to think you are waiting forever to have a baby, but in all honesty you don't need to be in such a rush.

Just to help you see his side a little - there are a lot more issues to being a parent than who is going to watch the baby. Children are a huge (18 year +) commitment of time, attention, worry and money. Maybe when he is saying you can't afford a baby, he means more than just money. Maybe he doesn't think he can devote as much time as he would like to a child while he is still in school?

Good Luck.