Making your child tough???

Question

My husband has this idea that it is okay to toughen up our child. I dissagree, because of the way that he is going about it. For example I locked all of the can goods in a cabinet, he says if the can falls on the childs foot they will learn not to do it again. How can you expect a 15 month old to understand this? Who's right in this issue??

Answer 1

I say the child's saftey comes first.. whos to say the can won't land on his/her head??

Answer 2

Don't go to the place where there is someone who is right and someone who is wrong. Your husband may have the right idea but is applying it to the wrong situation. Your son will have to be responsible for himself. You can't run to college to make sure that the books are locked up on the bookstore shelves so they won't fall on him. That is what your husband is seeing. He is not seeing that the cans may fall and hurt the boy. Show your husband that you respect his thoughts and input by explaining his idea back to him in your words. Then tell him that you think your son should learn with some softer things first. Tell him you agree with him and that is why the diapers or the Tupperware or the plastic cookie cutters etc are not locked up. Doing this you show your husband that he has the ability to be a good dad and he will try harder. You are also showing your son that you respect his father's parenting and he needs to as well. This may sound silly when he is still only a baby but it is important for you to practice this so that you don't create problems when your son approaches 2. Being a parent is tough, that's why we have a partner but you have to be a partner and compromise and communicate. The most important lesson of this scenario is how you three as a family solve an issue. Always remember that most men feel like a drunk elephant around their kids, like they can't do it right and a little compliment mixed with compromise will work miracles.

Answer 3

Your husband's approach is not wrong -- it's just inappropriate for your child's young age, and for the type of issues that should be learned.

Older children benefit when their parents let them make their own mistakes.
For example, if you do not interfere when you see your kid doing the following:
(1) wasting all their money on a new toy,
(2) not studying for a test,
(3) turning down a play date invitation,
(4) refusing to bundle up on a cold day.

The kid will learn that:
(1) he has no money left for the next thing he wants to buy,
(2) he fails the test and has to redo it,
(3) his friend no longer wants to play with him, and
(4) he catches a very unpleasant cold.
Not only that, but the kid will learn the lesson better than if you had interfered and stopped him from doing whatever he shouldn't have done.

However, when a child's saftey is at stake -- at any age -- it is necessary to interfere. Plus you cannot count on the younger child learning the lesson you want him to learn.

For example:
(1) If your older kid insists on eating all the Halloween candies up, and you tell them "You will be sick, but it's your decision", he will throw up and learn very quickly that too much junk food is a very bad idea. Unpleasant, but his health will not be seriously affected.
(2) In contrast, letting a 15 month old drink the bath soap, in hopes that he will learn never to do it again, may or may not teach the kid not to drink bath soap, but it's certainly dangerous and may land him in the hospital.
(3) If your older kid wants to do drugs, play in traffic, etc, you must interfere, as this could be deadly -- and how will learn not to do something, if he's no longer alive to learn?!

Also, note that younger kids don't have any experience to help them make judgements. Therefore, while an older kid should be able to figure out that there is a good reason why his parents don't usually let him pig out on candies, a 15 month old has no way of knowing that dropping a can on his foot might be a bad idea and seriously harm his foot, resulting in a trip to the hospital for X-rays. He needs your guidance.

In short, you are right -- for now :-).
When your kid is a few years older, you might want to adopt your husband's approach, in selected situations.

Answer 4

OMG. A 15 month old still needs to be looked after as far as safety. Babies are NOT LITTLE ADULTS. They go through stages of development that you cannot rush. They are not neurologically capable of levels of reason until development allows for it. And some children are behind the curve and there is nothing you can do but be patient because no amount of tormenting the child is going to make a difference. I am not saying yours is behind, but what if you find that out?

After an age where they could realisitcally be expected to reason, letting them make mistakes is OK. I guess your husband would punish the cat for not barking??? Maybe his parents were hardasses.

Answer 5

What would the can hit first, honestly? The child's foot or his head?
Your child seems to be in danger if he is left alone with your husband. A 15 month old needs protection and to me your husband sounds like a lazy father. Will he let the child cry if he gets hurt or will he comfort him?
YOU ARE RIGHT! Don't let him tell you otherwise. Mother knows best...in most situations, not all. Safety first, remember!

Answer 6

Your are.

A 15 month old can't understand these things yet. What if something happened and the baby was injured worse than just a little bruise? Would learning not to do it again be worth a broken bone or a concussion?

Go with your gut on this. Baby is too young to comprehend right and wrong.

Answer 7

You are there is a limit to letting your child learn a lesson at 15 months allowing him to get hurt so he knows not to do it again is abuse honey considering at that age they forget and will do the same thing again if givin the chance. I would be careful of leaving your baby alone with him alot of things could happen in a little baby's adventurous world you wouldn't want anything to happen to him. Question what would he do if the baby's foot got broke from one of those cans I'm sure he would not tell the doctor oh i watched him do it he needed to learn a lesson.So I'm sure he knows that is wrong And what would he do if the baby tried putting something in an electrical socket get real. get tough protect your baby tell him hes an *** hole

Answer 8

You are. Your husband is being neglectful towards your child. The child would get hurt, and cry, but 15 mo. is way too young to "toughen up" a child. Parents are supposed to be there for their children, to love, protect and correctly guide them. Not to "toughen" them up. at any age. Take care.

Answer 9

You are completely 100% right. Your child is baby! They can't be expected to know that. Even an older child shouldn't be "toughened up." Let your child be a child, and protect them from bad things for as long as you can, since you won't be able to forever!

Answer 10

You don't say how high this cabinet is. I mean honestly, my 9 month old crawls up on his rocking chair and falls out all the time. He cries for a few seconds then goes about with his playing. I am not going to be able to protect him from everything, but I guarantee a 15 month old will know what happened and what not to do, especially if he is being supervised. I mean, I don't lock up my household chemicals, but my kids know not to touch it, as I have been a good parent and done my job teaching them what is appropriate for them to play with, and what is not.

Answer 11

I agree with the post before mine. It depends on the situation. Hot stoves, electrical sockets, cans falling on them, etc. That isn't well they'll learn for next time. Those are things they need to be protected from. However if after being told to "be gentle" my daughter pokes our cat too hard and it bats at her...well I'm siding with the cat (no claws so it's just a shock to her not actual harm).