My 2.5 suddenly won't sleep at night and says he hates his room?

Question

I need help... my 2.5 year old has been waking up every night for the last three weeks wanting to sleep with my husband and I. I have tried everything. He now says, "C.J. no like Cars room." We decorated his room in Cars 3 months ago because he wanted it. He has Cars appliques on the wall which we removed because he said he didn't want them anymore. We also took down the Cars posters and pictures. I don't know what to do from there.
I at first thought it was because he was afraid my husband was leaving. (My husband has been on 3 tours to Iraq, but he got home in August from his last.) He used to ask if dad was leaving soon, but we haven't had any problems of this nature until recently.
His most recent accurance included telling me he hated me... I need to do something quick... any advice would be helpful. In his 2.5 years he has never... never slept with us... always in a crib or a toddler bed. I really don't want to start now with him sleeping with us. Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Children at this age don't know how to express their emotions. When they say words like 'hate' it is really hard to not take it personally. He loves you and I know you know that deep down.
Talk to your son and find out where he is coming from and make some changes to his room. I know themes can get expensive and to have to change it every 3 months can be frustrating. You are right for not wanting to allow him into your bed so continue your stand on this issue. Ask him how you can make him like his room again; what can you put in there that will make him want to spend his time in there; does he have any fears that may have developed, other than the father-tour thing? Children at this age also find that they have opinions and they use these newfound words to get what they want. Maybe he likes to hear himself talk so chat with him about other issues, read more stories at night and just get him comfortable in his bed. You may have to start a new routine to get him more tired through out the day and find some wind-down time to help him relax and be more at ease at bedtime.
I am sorry for not giving actual ideas but maybe the issue just needs to be communication. Talk is cheap after all. Good luck and take care.

Answer 2

I know you will think I'm crazy but you have just been given the most wonderful opportunity to sow your son that you respect him and that he is responsible for himself. I assure you I am not crazy. You have already listened to what he is saying, he doesn't like the Cars, you have shown him that his thoughts, wants and needs are important to you. This action will benefit you all as he enters his teen years and wants this respect. Keep it up. I suspect that you are more on the answer than you think with him being worried about his dad leaving. It may seem like old news but how long was it between his last tours. I would wager there is some part of your son that just knows Dad is leaving soon, he has been home too long. He wants to keep an eye on things.
Him telling you that he hated you is really a test of his independence and power. He is bigger, maybe that's what being bigger means.
At his age, he is taking a big step toward independence and it is really hard. He doesn't know how big he is, neither do you. Showing him a lot of respect and drawing hard and fast lines where they need to be will ease this transition.
As for the bedroom, time to go shopping (although I would recommend a trip to the thrift store). Bring two paper bags and tell him he may choose one thing to put in each bag for his room. With a mind to safety and a ban on anything that will be scary or creepy in the dark but relinquishing all control over taste, let him choose. Then have a big "decorating the room with his stuff" ceremony and remind him of his new special things when he puts up a stink at night. Make sure he has a night light and have Dad come in and give him an extra song or kiss about 10 minutes after the official bedtime routine (meaning he has been in bed for 10 minutes). Tell him the truth about whether Dad will leave again. "Dad will not leave again. Dad will not leave again until after summer comes." etc. While for Mom, having Dad home is a relief, for little ones it is a big change. Make sure that Dad has a special time with your son just the boys every day if you can swing it but at least twice a week.
Hopefully this helps, and even if you cave and he sleeps with you for awhile, he won't when he's fifteen. This will pass.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

WoW, for a second there I thought I was reading something I wrote. I almost went through the same thing. My husband is a Marine and has been to Iraq twice and now he is in DI school in Parris Island. My son is 2 1/2 years old and his room was done into a CARS room (just like yours) and he just recently went through that phase.

My husband has been gone the majority of my sons life but the first 2 times he went he was too young to really notice. I mean, he noticed.. but wasn't quite sure of what was going on. Well as soon as my husband came back from this last tour any time he saw my husband in his cammies he wanted him to take them off. (I figured out he put 2 and 2 together.. the cammies meant daddy was leaving) Then he got into the phase where he hated everything in his room. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to sleep with my husband and I and he hated all the covers my husband gave my son to wear. I asked the doctor about this and he said, he wants to be in the room with daddy and around US because he wanted to make sure Daddy wasn't leaving again. Landon started to hate all his cars posters, but I never took them off. I told him that they were his friends and were watching over him at night. And he soon (after about 2 weeks) decided he liked them again. Make a game out of going to bed. Have daddy and you put him to bed, read a story, say your prayers and no matter what you do, DO NOT let him sleep in your bed with you because that will just make matters worse.

I took my son out of his toddler bed at CHristmas time and bought him a BIG boy bed (TWIN BED) and he absolutely loves it now. I have to be more stern now with him when it comes to bedtime because he wants me to constantly be with him (like I said, Daddy is in DI school.. away from us again) But I promise, things will get better. He is just TESTING you! All kids do it, they wanna see what they can get away with. So be stern, but remind him you love him!

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Sounds mean but do not let him sleep in your bed. I found with my 3 y/o that telling him big boys get their own bed works some times. I am starting to think that kids will tell you anything if they think they have the smallest chance to get what they want (if mom and dad wont do it for him he asks for grandma she is a push over) so he doesn't hate you.

Answer 6

Who's the parent here.............
Do NOT allow him to take any naps - then he should sleep all night. Install a night light and play some soft soothing music.
Perhaps you should stay away from the decorating until he is older. My grand daughters watch lots of movies and my daughter-in-law does not change their decor to match every movie. They have one theme and it will stay that way until they outgrow it.

Answer 7

I too went threw this with my daughter...What I did was took every think out let her pick all the stuff she liked within reason and that helped....But the other thing is...when did your husband leave to go on duty? was it at night? He may be very angry for daddy leaving...they understand more then we know.....how about day care....is he punished in his bed......has somthing happened you are not too sure about.....ask these questions to every one.....ask your son...what makes him say that word to you....let him know that hurt.......talk to him find out whats pulling at his litle heart...I will pray for you and your family......God Bless and let me know how it goes for you...God Bless and Keep you safe........

Answer 8

DEAR FIRST THERE IS SOMETHING HE IS SACRED OF IN HIS ROOM OK. THAT IS FIRST THING IN THE NUT SHELL OK.
MAKE HIM TAKE YOU AND SHOW YOU WHAT HE IS SCARED OF IN HIS ROOM THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT CAN CAUSE IT OK. (1) NOT ENOUGH NIGHT LIGHTS ROOM TO DARK? (2) NO STUFF TOY NO BLANKET NO BOTTLE ON BABY PILLOW IF BABY PILLOW BY A TRAVEL PILLOW USE IT AS A BABY PILLOW AND YOU CAN USE REGULAR PILLOW CASES ON IT. (3) IF NO BOTTLE OF MILK COULD WANT ONE STILL. A PACIFIER? ARE LET HIM SUCK HIS THUMB AND KEEP IN MIND HE WILL WEEN HIMSELF DO NOT LET DOCTORS NURSE DENTISTS PUT A PLATE IN THE ROOF OF HIS LITTLE MOUTH YOU WILL WALK THE FLOOR NO SLEEP. IF HE SUCKS THE RIGHT THUMB HE IS LEFT HANDED LEFT THUMB RIGHT HANDED OK TAKE CARE

Answer 9

It sounds like some kind of separation anxiety . . . i.e. he may be afraid "someone" is going away . .. like hubby did. Sounds like a check in with a child psych is in order. I suspect its something quite simple.

Answer 10

Maybe you should try getting him a teddy bear.One that he can cuddle with so he will not be lonely at night.