My son and boyfriend do not get along help?

Question

My son just moved in with me he is 16 we have a 1 bedroom place. The thing is he is not too motivated and my boyfriend goes off on him only after the boyfriend has had a couple of beer. I feel like I am stuck in the middle they do not talk at anytime, niether one of them is willing to try. I feel that I need to rent a place for my son and I what should I do I have been with the boyfriend for 5 yrs and we are to get married in Sept. where as my son will be going on his own in a couple years. HELP

Answer 1

Sorry but your son isnt an adult yet, and if u think all this is going to stop just cause he turns 18 your sadly mistaken..
I cant believe that ur actually willing to take the side of a man that acts like a child, drinks, and throws tempertantrums that are twards ur child.. Sorry u've been with him 5 years, ur son has been ur son for 16.. get ur head out of the clouds and be the mom he needs u to be, the role model he needs u to be..
U didnt once say ur son is the one causing the problems, all u said was he isnt motivated, guess what most teenagers arent.. and the fact that ur bf acts like this when he's drinking well thats just his excuse to show how he feels about ur son all the time, SORRY I COULDNT MARRY A MAN THAT TREATED MY SON LIKE CRAP AND HARBORS HATRED TOWARDS MY SON.. geeze.. u picked a winner to be the "step father" of ur son.. parenting doesnt end when they turn 18 .. sorry its not that cut and dry..

Answer 2

Well this is going to be hard but you have to do what you gotta do. First off your son is your own flesh and blood. You should not be with anyone who is not okay with your son . It is not fair for your son that he has to suffer because your boyfriend drinks.It really doesn't matter if your son is only going to be with you for a couple years . Your son is your son no matter what even when he turns 18 he is still your son and it is not right to choose your boyfriend over your own flesh and blood. Now I'm not saying you have to throw your boyfriend out or break up, but when your boyfriend gets drunk or out of line you need to speak up and it will not be easy but it needs to be done. So talk to your husband and son but not at the same time that would not be a good idea. Well good luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 3

I think that your son should come first, he is still a minor and needs his mom. It could be that you are putting your boyfriend first before your son's needs. I really think that you shouldn't have had your boyfriend live with you until your son is on his own. You need to finish raising your son first, before getting married.

Maybe that's why your son is acting out the way he is. Don't you see that he is going through a lot too with the not having his bio father around anymore? Are you aware about his feelings too?

You as a parent are not showing a good example either with having your 'boyfriend' live with you. Have your boyfriend leave until you raise your son. So, raise your son first, before getting married. That's your job!

Answer 4

Talk to the boyfriend about telling him off ONLY after drinking.Your son is still in school and may need you to sit and talk to him about helping out or getting a part time job. A couple of years is a long time. Your son is under age and by most state laws can not live alone. You made need a larger place and a family counselor.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend has no right telling your son anything. The fact that your boyfriend drinks and then acts like that is not a good sign either. Think long and hard before marrying him. If I was a 16 year old,I wouldn't like your boyfriend either. Just sounds like your boyfriend is the problem,not your son. Good luck

Answer 6

i'm seeing the problem here is your boyfriend.....he's your son, you should be the one handling him, especially when it comes to his life. if your boyfriend has an opinion about it, then he should tell you, so you can talk to your son. if he feels the need to tell your son anything, it should not be where he's going off on him, especially after a few beers. at 16, i would hate him too, thats the point in life where your confused. anxious to grow up but you feel like your old enough at the same time. be his mother, but dont let your boyfriend be his father without your son's permission. not that you shouldnt marry him....just that your son is the one who needs to allow him to get to that point. since he's moving out in a couple years, atleast this situation wont last forever, but if you want them to like each other, you might want to fix it now.

Answer 7

Your first responsibility is your son, not your boyfriend. Get a place with your son.
The choices you have made in the past somehow resulted in your son being in this situation, and you have the obligation to do what you can to care for him until he is an adult.
When he is 18 you can do what you want.
A guy who goes off after a few beers would not be my idea of a great mate, either.

Answer 8

well your boyfriend needs to stop playing daddy and play his role as only the boyfriend right now and if he is a true man he would not pick on a 16 yr old for being lazy because at that age kids can be real rebellious. so your boyfriend needs to grow up and so does your son and start taking some responbility. who knows they could learn a thing or two from each other. and if he has a problem with your son he needs to talk to him when he is sober

Answer 9

Well, I have acutually been in this situation myself. But, its from your sons point of view (only differnece is I am a daughter). My suggestion is sitting down with both your son and boyfriend separatly and figuring out why they do not like the other. Then after you have drawn a conclusion yourself, bring the two of them together. Make sure they know that you are not going to choose one over the other. Let them talk out their differences, you should just sit back and see what unfolds. Only step in if things get out of hand.

My mother did this with my sister and I and her Boyfriend. We all get along much better now that we are all on a common ground and know eachothers limits and ect.

I hope that this was helpful in some way or another. If not sorry to have bothered you.

Answer 10

For starters, how about a larger place. Teenagers need their space more so than adults. This generation is very unmotivated. My son is the same. I go off on him without drinking any beer so I know how your boyfriend feels. Sounds like you are the only one that wants to make this work. If they aren't willing to work on things in their relationship, you sure won't be able to fix it for them. You might try to find out what each of them wants. Who knows, it may be attainable! Good luck.