Let me start out by saying that I have been cheated on many times int he past. I am going to be marring the most amazing woman that I have ever met. I know that I want to spend my life with her but when she talkes to her ex's I get jellous. I try not to sound upset or act it but she can tell. I dont want to tell her that she cant talk to her friends. I dont want to be jellous but I am. Any suggestions?
Oh by the way leaving her is not an option.
Thanks in advance for the opinions.
2007-01-30 14:51:54 · 30 answers · asked by emt_aj 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to tell her that it upsets you...You can ask her how she would feel if you talked to your ex, i don't think she would be a happy camper. If you want to spend the rest of our life with her, you need to be able to talk about these things with her...
2007-01-30 15:09:01 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A few questions for you.... Does she talk to her ex's in front of you or does she hide it? Do you have any reason to be jealous of things she has done or just by your own issues from the past? I have been on both sides of jealousy and cheating and it is very ugly. Im not saying to leave her because you stated that isnt an option but I do suggest that you get some help with your your own insecurities before you get married. Alot of times people wind up cheating because the other person pushes them and accuses them of doing something they aren't. Or they may not cheat but may feel like running away because of the control. It is hard to not be jealous when someone else is giving your mate attention but it is usually our own insecurities that make us do so. Look at yourself and what you think your faults are and try to change them and be comfortable with yourself first.Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and you will notice a big change in how you deal with things.
2007-01-30 23:02:43 · answer #2 · answered by Pinky75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mental health practitioner with 20+ years experience, now retired, I can recall the old phrase "The facts are the facts" after reading your question. If you've been cheated on in the past, and you're SURE of it, then you have some issues to deal with, and she needs to understand that. I can say also, that if you've been cheated on by more than one woman, you need to look at your pattern of choosing women to relate to, and how you relate to them. There is a flaw somewhere, and it needs to be discovered and worked with. I know you don't want to be "jealous", but the classical answer of "Well, don't be jealous" is extremely unfit here. You need to find a very sensitive therapist who doesn't have his or her own personal issues to deal with in this area, and get some good constructive work done. I'll leave it at that since I know no more about you than the brief material in your question, and if I were still in practice, I'd be asking a whole lot of more questions before I diagnosed and recommended which way counseling would go. I do hope you follow through with my recommendation. I'm sure you'll be glad you did. Take care in finding a good therapist. So many have their own issues and own agendas that you need to be watchful for that. God Bless you.
2007-01-30 23:02:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've never been cheated on, but it's one of my biggest fears and I think that I would find it very difficult to trust completely again. I guess your worrying depends on how serious the exs are. We're they serious boyfriends, or just little flings from the past? And what is her reason for needing to talk with them and hang out with them. I think that it might do you good to just "discuss" your feelings with her, but make sure not to come across to insecure, or she may become offensive. If she loves you as much as you love her, she should be willing to make a comprimise of some kind. There is no need to leave her because YOU are feeling jealous. Leaving would hurt and confuse her for something that she isn't doing wrong. Talking to these exs isn't hurting anything, but if there is any reason to believe that there is cheating going on, that issue should be addressed. Really think about whether or not you have a reason to be jealous....
2007-01-30 23:02:07 · answer #4 · answered by soft rockstar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that she still talks to her ex boyfriends is a really good thing for you. Believe it or not.You don't have to be jealous. Just imagine yourself as her ex and think about how nice it would be to still be able to have a decent conversation with her.I have been divorced from my ex for over 30 years and we still talk every day.He is just a friend but we realized that we just weren't meant to live together.But keeping an open friendship is worth a million dollars to me.As long as she doesn't show signs of cheating with him, just remember that she is with you because she chooses to be.You can't get over being jealous without a whole lot of time.Trust is a hard thing to build after being cheated on. But you need to try to talk to her about it and maybe ask her not to talk to them while you are in the same room as her.Take calls elsewhere. Good Luck
2007-01-30 23:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is not good. Jealousy can kill a relationship quicker than anything. The best thing you can do is to just let things be and don't try to show any jealousy toward her if possible. Let her talk to her friends and don't try to control her because if you do then you will surely lose her. I know because I have lost someone this way and I regretted it for a long time. Try your best to just tolerate her behavior with her friends and tell her you trust her and love her and believe in her. Then let things alone.
2007-01-30 22:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First , you have to ask yourself if you are comfortable and confident with who you are. She is no longer with him because of some conflict or inadequacy he had. If you try to control her you will drive her away. Simply focus on the good things, the things she likes about you, and the fun you have together. Try to embrace her friends, find their good points. Put their good points to work for you. Integrate them into your life, rather than isolate them.
People are individuals before they are partners. Allow the individual to exist, as should yours. It is what she noticed in the first place. Don't feed the jealousy. It will destroy you. Remember, you have her now. You are the best of the rest.
Exception would be an ex who causes trouble. Defend her if she needs it, and if she will let you. sometimes it causes more trouble to force your way in.
One last thing - Be strong enough to be gentle.
2007-01-30 23:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by TopCatt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is not good and will bring problems. Talk to her since she probably knows you have been hurt in the past I am sure she will be able to understand and make you feel more at ease.Why would anyone tell you to leave this amazing women? You sound so in love.
2007-01-30 23:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by DESTINY 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just tell her that having been cheated on in the past numerous times, that you get worried that you might lose her every time you see her talking to one of her exes, even though you know she won't cheat, you've been tainted by all those cheaters that you just can't stop feeling the way that you do.
2007-01-30 22:55:59 · answer #9 · answered by wordwaves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the biggest part of a relationship, especially marriage, is COMMUNICATIONS..and you better get to communicating about this issue very soon. Nice calm talk about what she is doing and how it makes you feel. You are entitled to this--and she needs to be able to discuss this too. What is so important to talk over with an ex?? Well good luck and if this really gets silly--you know you can move on---it is silly to say leaving is not an option---be a man about this---there are women who will NOT do this to a man.
2007-01-30 22:58:16 · answer #10 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋