I have a problem that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately...
First of all - I am an only child. I have a mom and my dad - my dad had been disabled since before i was born - he has also had 8 heart bypasses, 2 artificial knees - one artificial hip. He is set to have his second hip replaced in March. He is also bipolar and has other mental problems.
My mom was a teacher for 36 years - she fell while at work - hit her head and got brain damage. Her balance is very bad and some of her memory was lost. She also had a lot of heath problems - kidneys i think are a main problem and other issues. My mom is actually in the hospital right now - since 1/23 she has an pneumonia and her kidney function is low. They are both overweight and have diabetes as well - they are on insulin. My mom is 59, my dad is 61 and I am 21.
The problem -- I go to school over 2 hours south of where they live. I have an apartment down there and live with my boyfriend of 5 years.
2007-01-30 14:25:56 · 11 answers · asked by doubt133 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have been through some stuff myself - I was raped when i was 14 and i caught the guy and it turned into a 3 year court case. I am just now dealing with it all and am going through therapy where i live. So I try to come up to my parents every weekend to help out. My therapist tells me is is too much on me and i shouldn't do that anymore. but feel so guilty. I couldn't come up to see them last weekend - and now my mom is in the hospital - My dad is also having his hip replaced next month (he already has 2 artificial knees and 1 hip) I just don't know how to handle this - I have school, therapy, work, my boyfriend and my parents (I have no time just for me as of now). I don't know how to juggle it all...please help if you can...I want to spend as much time with my parents as I can because the last time my mom was in the hospital she almost died. -- That is why I am having trouble juggling everything - I don't know what I can really change...
thank you for your time!
2007-01-30 14:27:54 · update #1
I'm so sorry to learn of your struggles and burdens.
My father recently died unexpectedly and suddenly and so this biases my belief that tending to your parents is where you want to put much of your time. It's shocking how over it is when it's over.
On the other hand, their history shows how important it is for your to build a life for yourself.
When I was in deep agony after my father died, and was lamenting the weekends I didn't go there and could have, my son said, "Mommy, if you'd spent all your time with him, you wouldn't have spent any time with anyone else and something could happen to anyone you love."
I think you will always feel doubt and questioning and the need for rebalancing. That's okay. Do your best. Take good care of yourself.
2007-01-30 14:33:20 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hear your pain and how you are torn about doing what you believe is necessary for your folks as well as for yourself. There is no easy answer. Is there anyway that you could take a leave of absence from your school work so that you can help them and get your therapy? I don't know how you can concentrate on your school work with so much on your plate.
If this isn't doable for you, perhaps you can hire someone who could live in with your folks who will call you daily and keep you in the loop as to how they are doing. You will probably need to go down when your Dad has his next surgery plus now that your Mom is in hospital, you need to check on her too. My prayers go out to you and your family. This is a tough time for you all.
2007-01-30 22:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by D N 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is only an opinion.
When I was in nursing school, I had a sick parent. Only one. When she was in the hospital, I would take my books to the hospital to study. I wrote index cards and read them in the grocery store while waiting in the line. I utilize each moment of the day to study. I wrote my papers early. The syllabus helped me to do things in advance.
I had my daughter late in life, she is seven and I am 45. You have made me see the importance of keeping myself healthy. If you was my child, I would say live your life. Enjoy your time.
I am a nurse, now and we take care of people. Your mom is in the hospital with professional nurses and doctors. Your dad will be in the hospital as well.
I want the best for my child and I don't want her to stop her life to take care of my life. Pray for your parents and respect them. See your parents when you can. I am sure they don't expect you to stop living. Your are only a phone call away.
2007-01-30 22:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set limits with your parents. You can't be there 24/7 for them.
Spend some time with your parents, your boyfriend, your friends, at work, at school and just with yourself. Don't tip the balance into just one area.
If your parents are demanding too much of your time, tell them so. You can't be everything to everyone but you can say no if things are getting off balance.
2007-01-30 22:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by veganmarshmallows 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't living at home, then what is there to balance ?
Your parents are either taking care of themselves or someone is taking care of them when you are in school or just plain gone..
If you have time to live with a boyfriend, go to school and leave your parents on their own, what is there to balance ???
Do you want someone to tell you it's Ok to live your life ???
Ok...it's ok to live your life. No one expects you to take care of your parents and their medical problems. Thats what they have elder care services for and also medicare, medicaid, whatever they have.
I assume you have other family...aunts, uncles, cousins, whoever...why not ask them for help ???
If you're tired, take time off...you aren't a super woman...just a woman...
2007-01-30 22:35:02 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we just have to relax and do the best we can Nell
life gets complex and painful sometimes
maybe take a nap or watch a nice movie
maybe some herb tea and a crumpet, be sure to raise that pink when you hold that cup
be ready for tea with queen or a the soup kitchen
2007-01-30 22:32:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump the BF.
Move to a closer school.
Less hours of School.
Dont worry wastes too much energy.
Spend time with them and help them and enjoy life.
BE HAPPY.
2007-01-30 22:28:56 · answer #7 · answered by Phlow 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you got a pool at your parents if not can you afford one if so have pool party's with your mates and for school either stick at it or get a part time job so you can look after your mum and dad there is time for everything in what your seeking don't lose faith and sure enough guess what something comes to your frount door
2007-01-30 22:33:07 · answer #8 · answered by tek 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is okay to feel overwhelm. it is okay to ask for others to help. it is not shameful to ask for help. do what you can and be glad and proud you did. you cannot save and please everyone in the world. live everyday as if your last day on earth. no regrets
2007-01-30 22:30:26 · answer #9 · answered by Sam T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move closer to home
2007-01-30 22:29:01 · answer #10 · answered by Snoopy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋