Me and my husband Tim are adopting a baby from China. We are supposed to go get her around Valentines. I'm having a baby in March, but we are adopting because we were supposed to have twins but we lost one. So we both wanted two babies. Am I in over my head?
2007-01-30 13:59:09 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
We are adopting from China because we want to!!! Don't insult me about where this baby is coming from. I know that there is babies here that need good homes. We are adopting from China because we used to live there, since I was stationed there. If you people are going to insult others, get off Yahoo Answers
Signed, Tim
2007-01-31 10:07:41 · update #1
AND, we aren't adopting to replace the twin. WE are adopting to give a baby a home!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-31 10:09:32 · update #2
Your not in over your head. I think it would be great to raise your two children at the same rate, the adopted child won't feel left out or lonely.
2007-01-30 14:02:03 · answer #1 · answered by Steph [♥] 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for the loss of your baby - I hope that all goes well with the one you still have, and it is born healthy. The loss of a baby can be very hard - I think you should talk to your doctor about finding a support group, or perhaps a counselor to help you and Tim deal with your loss.
Adopting to fill the void is not a good answer for anyone in your family - you, your husband, your baby, or the adopted baby.
I believe that the youngest babies the Chinese government allows to be adopted are 6 months old. So you would have a 7 month difference between your adopted baby and your natural born baby, which will be really hard, because they will be at such different developmental stages, but still needing all of your attention.
You are doing a disservice to both children by adopting at this point. If you want to adopt a baby from China, you should wait until your baby is at least a year old (preferably two), so you can fully devote yourself to each child's needs.
2007-01-31 08:18:32 · answer #2 · answered by baby_savvy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry for your loss. i'm worried since you stated the reason behind the adoption is motivated by loss. you should adopt for gain. have you spoken to someone about your loss? adoption is a great way to add to your family, but if you're adopting only because you want to replace the lost child, don't do it. the adopted child will have some pretty big shoes to fill. you will always look at the adopted child an wonder if only....what if the other twin had survived, would she be screaming right now, would she be throwing this tantrum, would she have this problem. you need to figure out your motivations behind the adoption. an adopted child deserves all the love and attention of one genetically related to you, and should not be a stand in. and the fact that you're this close and having doubts worries me. you're not in over your head, but i think your motivations are misplaced right now. talk to someone, put the adoption on hold if you can and come back to it later if you want a second child. you need time to greive over your loss after the birth. i'm not saying you can't bond with the adopted child just as much, i'm just saying now may not be the best time. the birth of your genetic child will bring about memories and thoughts of there should have been two here today instead of the one. babies know much more than we give them credit for. the sense our moods and feelings. it's their only way to connect to us. adoption is a wonderful and life changing event, but it must be done for the right reasons. good luck to whichever road you choose.
2007-01-30 15:17:53 · answer #3 · answered by cagney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are no more in over your head as you were when you were pregnant with twins. You can do it. The nice thing will be to have the babies come home at different times. The hard part will be if you get the adopted one first, then you will have a baby to care of and a newborn just after labour. You will be fine.
2007-01-30 14:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband are doing a great thing. To answer your question about being in over your head all I can tell you, is that I am only 16 and am not a parent. But, I have taken care of my 5 year old sister from the day she was born, because even when times seem stressful, love can push you through. Honestly, I believe you and your husband will be OK, and do not be afraid to ask those around you (friends) to help out with the kids, you will be surprised how most people are glad to help, I know my parents were.
2007-01-30 14:06:27 · answer #5 · answered by lt_lewis2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a HUGE decision for ya'll to make at a time when you are so vulnerable and hormonal. This baby from China will NOT take the place of the baby that you lost. That baby is gone. You will not be having twins, but you will be getting love from two babies. They wll be different ages and probably at different stages in their development.
My opinion......you should have waited to adopt until you had time to mourn your loss of your baby that you lost and you have this baby and have time to love this baby that you are having in March. I thought that it took time to adopt, how are you adopting so quickly?
Can you change your mind at this point? You will be getting the baby from China in TWO WEEKS. This child deserves a home where she will be loved for who she is (or he) not to replace the baby that is gone.
Pray for guidance. I'm surprised that you would even be allowed to adopt while pregnant and grieving.
2007-01-30 14:16:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So let me get this right ; you say your adopting a baby because you lost one of your twins and since you were supposed to have two babies it is your right to have 2 regardless of how you get them. Well, to me that is a very selfish reason.
This is a life time commitment to a human being not a replacement to fill a void! I hope you are prepared to love both these children, equally as your own.
2007-01-30 14:09:52 · answer #7 · answered by That_ blue_ eyed_ Irish_ lass 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are in over your head. Just be careful since you are due in March. Be careful of what you eat when you are over there and make sure you buy plenty of bottled water from reputable sources over there. I think it's awesome your adopting a baby from China. That is a dream of mine to adopt a baby girl from China someday ^_^
2007-01-30 14:03:35 · answer #8 · answered by WINGS 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All parents are in over their head. 6 inches or 6 feet either way if the water's over your head, your drowning!
I say if you really want to adopt this baby and feel you have a great support system, go for it. There's nothing more beautiful then giving a child a family. I admire you both.
2007-01-30 15:20:00 · answer #9 · answered by Rayca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i dont think u are over ur head but i do think u need to re-evaluate the "why" u want this baby from china. I hope its not to replace the one who died. also u said u are due in March and leaving in Feb? I think u need to talk to ur doc to see if that is kool with him. going to another country period could be dangerous because of the difference in culture especially being preg. also u are so close to ur due date. what if no one there will touch u if u go into labor? u need to think of all this. why dont u wait a lil bit until u heal from the one in ur belly, see how life is with this one and then go adopt one from china. i think its a great idea but the timeing is kinda forced. good luck and God Bless
2007-01-30 14:08:39 · answer #10 · answered by goober 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Flying at 8 months is horrible, and I can't imagine going all the way to China! As long as the baby from China is happy, healthy and well adjusted it will be just like having to babys spread a bit apart. Good luck with that one!!
2007-01-30 14:03:42 · answer #11 · answered by Erica B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋