How to tell them?

Question

I am 29wks pregnant. Both my family and my partners family are eagerly anticipating the arrival of this child, our first, and the first grandchild on both sides. My only problem is my partners sister. She is jealous of this child because everyone "pays to much attention to it". She doesn't "approve" of baby and she thinks baby is a mistake. She is a negative depressive person and i've strongly tried to encourage therapy because she really does need it. If i had to guess i would say she is depressed with self esteem issues.

Anyway - i don't want her near my baby when baby is born. Maybe if we are there but i don't EVER want her to be left alone with baby. I really do think she is capable of doing something to baby purely out of jealously. How can this be told to my partners parents. They will want to look after baby for an hour here or there - how can i tell them it is on the condition they can't ever leave my child alone with their daughter - no compromise?

p.s - the sister is 27

JimC

Not a lesbian - he is my fiance but i don't like that word so i say partner

Secondly - i know its about the baby and not about us - which is why i'm asking. No self respecting mother (or mom to be in my case) would ever put there child into a potentially harmful situation. I'm not a psychologist but i can tell something isn't right with her. And if she is already putting my child down now, before baby is born, then no - she doesn't deserve a chance to "come around".
And that isn't me judging her - that is me putting the best interests of my child first! I refuse to subject my child to such a negative nasty person just because she may, potentially, come around in time. If she came forth and told me she has an issue with me or my relationship with her brother, fine. But choosing my unborn child as a target of her anger means that yes, she will be shut out. Its something i will not stand for!

But i thank you for your input - it really made me think about everything!

Answer 1

I think just the opposite. First, you keep saying "Partner". If you're a lesbian, maybe she's bent about that? If you're straight, maybe she's bent that you're not married? Either way, I think that once she's had the chance to hold the baby, bond with the baby, feed the baby (not alone, but not with a crowd of people around either - maybe the three of you?) she'll lighten up.

She's being a dork, I agree, but don't shut her out, and don't shut your baby out. They're still related no matter what you do.

You didn't say that you're a Psycologist and you're only guessing at her problem. Maybe it's not what you think. Have you ever asked her why she's so bitter, why it's a mistake? Perhaps she has a value that you don't share? Perhaps she's been a spoiled brat and center of attention, and no that spotlight is gone.

Even if she bites your head off and totally flips outs, atleast you'll know and she'll have blown off steam. That's probabaly all she needs is to vent. No matter what though, you're not in a position to judge (neither is she), but she will, and you need to be the bigger, stronger person and NOT flip out on her - no matter what!! She hasn't stated the real problem. It's not the baby, I can tell you that. It's something about you and your partner, and in her eyes it's not right. That's ok, it's her opinion.

Give her time, she'll come around. You're in this together, for life, whether you and your partner split or not. You'll always be mom and she'll always be the aunt. This isn't about you and her anymore, it's about the baby.

Answer 2

Just come right out and say it! This is YOUR child and if you don't want someone nutty like her around your baby then you need to speak up and be heard!!! Or if you know in advance that they are going to be looking after the baby just do your best to make sure she is nowhere to be found.

Answer 3

well when the time is right just let them know, but you are only 29weeks and when the baby is born you most likely wont leave them for a while, seems like it would start a real war to bring it up now and it might hurt her, i don't think its necessary to even mention until the problem arrives, seems kind of hateful

Answer 4

Just like that. Plain and simple. Express your concerns to partner and have partner help you talk with the parents. Don't leave it open for debate. This is your baby and you have to protect it. Good luck

Answer 5

WHEN THE BABY CAN VISIT YOUR PARTNERS FOLKS AND HIS SISTER LET THEM ALL VISIT AND MAYBE ,POSSIBLY THE SISTER WILL HAVE A MORE GENTLE APPROACH AND ACCEPTANCE. YOU DONT NEED TO LEAVE THE BABY WITH ANY OF THEM TILL LATER THIS WAY THE SISTER WONT THINK SHE IS BEING SINGLED OUT AS A MENACE TO THE CHILD. IT MAYBE YOULL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO HAVE THEM COME TO YOUR PLACE .TOO. TALK WITH YOUR PARTNER AND KEEP AT IT. CONGRATULATIONS ! BY THE WAY.

Answer 6

I don't agree with any of the other answers.( If you don't trust her than keep her away) I am in the exact same boat and I made my husband tell his parents in as nice a manner as possible that we would appreciate it if she wasn't alone with our child.And 2nd of all she has Herpes on her lips and she tries to kiss our child .

Answer 7

does this sister have children of her own? maybe she is bitter because she wants babies and can't have them (maybe suffers from infertility or has no one to make babies with). is she single? she could also be jealous of your relationship.

Answer 8

Explain this to your family and tell the sister to grow up.