How do I show a girl that I'm listening to her!?

Question

Whenever we get into a fight, my girlfriend always tells me how she feels like i never listen to her. (which is not really true - I do listen to her). I've been trying to show her that I listen, but she still says that she thinks that I don't. Whatever I'm doing is giving her this wrong impression and I can't figure out what it is.

Instead of figuring out what to stop doing, I thought I could figure out what to START doing.

What are some ways for me to show her that I'm listening to what shes saying? (both for phone conversations and in person?)

Ladies - if you could help me with this... I'd owe you all big time.

Answer 1

Are you familiar with her family life? Her parental models?
How is her Mother in an argument? Is this a possible behavior she may have seen modeled in her home that has become her response habit? Quite commonly, we as developing humans, receptively develop behavior responses that we witnessed while we were growing up. IF you are truly doing your best to communicate with her and she is claiming it is that, You "don't listen to her". It might be not any fault of yours at all. It may be a common statement her Mother yelled at her father or what she yelled at all the boyfriends she had. Thus, it is a form of argument style.

Answer 2

First, you need to find out what makes her believe that you are not listening.

In person, showing that you are listening can be done effectively by maintaining an eye contact with the person who you are talking to.

One of the common reasons why people think that the other person isn't listening is when the answers that they get are random or irrelevant. Make sure you don't do that and make sure that you responses in a conversation follow the topic, and this should solve the problem - on the phone and in person.

Thanks.

Arkady Itkin
www.Practicalhappiness.com

Answer 3

When your together do you look her in the eye when she's talking to you? Looking back and forth between her,the floor/ wall and the tv doesn't count either. If it's important enough for you to be arguing over then it's important enough to give your undivided attention to, otherwise your sending her the message that she,and your relationship,aren't important to you. Even if your gviing her your undivided attention you should still respond to what she's saying with at least a nod or "I'm listening", this way she actually knows your listening and not just sitting there looking like a deer caught in headlights.

I don't know what to suggest about the phone. I've been married for 19 years and I still can't get my husband to listen to me when I call him at home. ( He considers himself as listening but in all actuality he's playing on the computer or watching a movie) .

Answer 4

Well, I also think my b/f doesn't pay attention sometimes when I talk to him... it's because in person, he's always doing something else, like trying to find something, cleaning up his messes, all that... and when I'm finished talking (in person and on the phone) and I want him to say something about what I just said... instead, he changes the subject and talks about something completely different and it seems like he didn't hear a word I said... I hope this helps a little, maybe explain what she's thinking somewhat..

Answer 5

Whenever the two of u start talking mute the stereo turn off the t.v. and really give her your attention. If a woman sees u staring at the t.v. she knows you aren't listening to her. If she mentions that she heard a song on the radio she hadnt heard in years, and that she loved, go find her the cd, Little things like that will let her know you are really giving her the attention she wants and deserves.

Answer 6

When you're listening to your lady, make sure your eyes aren't looking around at other things--this drives women crazy. Things that you can do to physically look like you're listening is eye contact, nodding, and cocking your head to one side (this has been proven in studies). When you're on the phone, don't just silently listen--sometimes interjecting "yeah" or "uh huh" can help, and it will be better if you ask her questions about what she's saying, or adding things like "really?" Just make sure it's at the right intervals! I know, we women are so complicated about communication =)

Answer 7

she might just be an arguer.

but are you looking into her eyes as she talks? nodding your head at the right times? repeating the last phrase to show you understand?

maybe your body language is saying something. is your butt sliding off the chair? are you watching the game and her?

maybe you could bring up a conversation you had in the past, the small things, to show you are listening... oh and when you look at her, don't phase out your eyes, or go cross eyed.

Answer 8

when in person always make eye contact to her and never just say yes and mmm humm. state your opinion on what she is talking about. my fiance amazes me by telling me weeks later exactly what I said about something. try remembering what she says and when the time is right, or the same type of conversation comes up, be like is this how you still feel? I hope this helps. good luck!

Answer 9

Know matter what you do you will always be wronge ..you could tell her that you are listning but she will never believe you.. whatever you do you will loose in the end ..give up now..you will never win an argument agenst her.. sell your sole to her she is allways right..the devil will never win a fight agenst a girlfriend or wife..

Answer 10

Listen quietly and if a response is indicated, do why psychologists do and kind of rephrase what she just said like this:

You're not listening to me.

"Why you think I am not listening to you?"

She doesn't care what you think anyway. She's just looking for some ego support.