should I give up the path I'm on for her?

Question

4 years into a 7 year path of celibacy and someone good has come along offering a relationship, which fork in this road do I take? do I break a promise to myself or make a promise to someone else?
I have something Buddhist going on with myself here.

Answer 1

"Make plans...but hold them lightly."

Answer 2

These are all thoughts in your head. Do this. Do not do that. There she is. Before she was not there. But she was. You just didn't see her. Now she is within your range of sight. The other thing for seven years is the same kind of thing. I could find the best person in the world for me and I still would not have a drink. That is because I gave up alcohol twenty years ago. So that choice is important to keep in place. No way would I want to go back to that world. Celibacy is a kind of world. She is a kind of world. The two of you together is yet another kind of world. There is not a thing wrong with romance. Nor with lovemaking. You already know the answer to this - as to how important celibacy is to you. All you need to do is leave all these worlds aside for a bit and focus only with your total being on celibacy. Contemplate it for a few days in the privacy of your own being. Give it a good examination, and I guarantee you will have your answer. None of us here on Yahoo! Answers could ever give you the right answer, even if it happened to coincide with what you decide to do or not do. The importance of the karma of the decision must rest solely with you making up your own mind. Cause and effect. No matter what you decide, you will be living with the consequences of your choice. What I would like to know is how would lovemaking keep you from Enlightenment - ?

Answer 3

Keep the Buddhist thing, it's really cool and trendy to be a Buddhist now that all the Judeo religions are killing each other.
For God sake don't take the FORK!!! It's a symbol of evil.
Lying to yourself is OK. Nobody but you know, unless you have bragged to your Buddhist buddies then that would really bring bad Karma. If you lie to yourself quietly, you can lie again and say you never meant it in the first place. And don't think that nobody cares if you lie to yourself, I care. After all, I answered your question, didn't I? Peace be unto you. Or something like that.
I have been wondering about that Buddhist and Stoic stuff. Like if it is beyond your control, should you worry about it. Some say don't worry. I am wondering though, what if I learned to control or influence an event, does it become my business. Furthermore, what if I have discovered that I can become increasingly influential and increasingly effective in changing people's lives, should I because it is now my business. And if becomes my business, should I hang out a shingle and solicit customers?

Answer 4

No if you give up the path you are on do it for the two of you otherwise it will not work. Pray and ask for guidance. Someone else mentioned the sex thing-not you. As far as that goes 3-4 times a month and probably a rush job is on the side of why bother-3-4 a day is a little too much but that much in a week seems reasonable and that should be for the two of you to discuss. I just brought it up because someone else did. I can't advise on what you need to do except for you to look into your heart and let it guide you. We have many paths that we can take and should always decide for ourselves after asking for guidance. I wish a happy life for you however you decide.

Answer 5

Ask yourself if the purpose of celibacy has been reached. Doing something for such a long time should have a reason behind it some sort of goal. If the only goal was to make it 7 years then I don't see how it can be that important, your not going to be in the world records. Just make sure your promise to yourself has some sort of outcome otherwise it would have all been for nothing.

Answer 6

Tell that person you really dig them and want to have a relationship, but it cannot involve sex for the first few years due to your Buddhist practice. If they say no way...then it wasn't meant to be. You never know, she may be cool with it! Or you can always look deeper and find a compromise in your practice...after all Buddhism is about following the Middle Path and not being extreme. Unless you are training to be a monk, it really is okay to have sex...the Buddha does not condemn it.

Answer 7

This leads me to wonder if you chose celibacy, or it chose you. If the former is the case, you have to make a decision based on what you're going to be giving up and gaining as a result of the decision you make.

If the latter is the case, just go for it.

Either way, you'll learn something.

Answer 8

I guess now is the time to examine why you made this promise and what it means to you. The promise has served you well to this point, but times change, lives and priorities change and you need to decide what your priorities are and what is important to you. It's not necessarily a betrayal to yourself if you change your priorities and choose a different path. It IS a betrayal to yourself if you stay on the same path for the wrong reasons. Good luck.

Answer 9

No. Never change yourself for anyone. I met a Catholic girl who tried to chance me, and I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself if I would have given in.

I myself am a Buddhist, and I have sex, but I have gotten to the point where it does not control my life. And I am perfectly comfortable having sex 2-4 times a month. Buddhists are not expected to refrain from sex, but rather control our emotions regarding sex, exhibit great respect for our partners, and not let the urges control our lives.

Do what your heart tells you to, but never change yourself for someone else.

Answer 10

You happen to be closer to the finish line then the starting line. Take the road less travelled.

Answer 11

Making sex special by avoiding it and seeing yourself as holy or special is the complete opposite of buddhism. Monks and even the zen master at Zen mountain monastery enage in loving and sexual relationships.