stepmoms how do i stop feeling like an outsider when my new husband spends so much time with his 1st family?

Question

tony has joint custody and has his 9yr old son mike every other day.mike is very active in sports and tony allways goes to watch mike play(which in like 2-3 days a week)then on the weekend there is always school stuff/sports games ect.if these events fall on a day tony does not have his son he still goes.i feel tony spends more time with his exwife than me since she allways goes too.i can go to(for the most part)but i end up just standing around while tony and his ex talk about upcoming events, dr appts,school stuff ect.plus i have to deal with the ex glaring at me the whole time.this happens like 2-3 times a week.i tryed getting more involved with mike like helping in his class so i would not feel so left out.well the ex found out and flipped out.now i'm not even allowed at his school.my husband will not defend me as he feels it will only make things worse for mike.is there any other stepmoms out there that have to deal with all this drama too and how do u deal with it?

Answer 1

i am not a stepmom but i may help
my parents separated and now i am separated.
1. don't go to mike school- sorry
2. tony needs to see his son- but need to tell ex to lay off
3. when they talk about the events coming up- take a walk or see mike.
4. when mike is at your place then get involve with him
tony's ex is still bitter about the separation and tony is trying to do his father duties
i hope this might help- good luck

Answer 2

These issues should have been discussed before the marriage. His child comes first. She cannot stop you from going to the school unless you have a restraining order. If you want to be there to support your son, you can do so. I feel bad and it's a terrible situation. You need your husband to deal with his ex-wife. Nothing you say will get her over it.

Good luck!

Answer 3

That's why I don't get into serious relationships with people who have kids. Too much baggage with the kids, the ex, time, money, etc. Dating childless is so much more fulfilling and enjoyable long term. You will unfortunately be stuck with his ex and his kids for the rest of ther lives. Sounds fun doesn't it? Not exactly the romance you imagined is it?

Answer 4

You need to tell your husband you are his wife and that his ex is just that his ex. By the way you sound he acts like he is still married to her you should not put up with this. Ask him who is more important you or his ex wife, sounds like his ex doesn't want you in the picture or else she wouldn't have got so mad about you going to the kids school.

Answer 5

story of my life, I've been going through this for 10 years. just keep building a relationship with your step son and don't worry so much about the ex. It takes time but now I have a wonderful relationship with my step daughter so it was all worth it. good luck

Answer 6

THE ONLY ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU IS TO KEEP ON TRYING - DON'T GIVE UP. IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THE EX TRIES EVERY WAY SHE CAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO SHOW YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR STEPSON THAT YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED. OF COURSE YOUR HUSBAND AND THE EX HAVE A BOUND THAT CANNOT BE BROKEN BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T HAVE A STRONG BOND WITH THE CHILD.

Answer 7

Wow, I'm a stepmom also. If your husband is not supportive then there is something up.
It's very hard being in our position. My situation is different but how can he do that to you?
The more you take it, the more it will happen.
Put your foot down and ask him what he is going to do about the way you feel.

Answer 8

tell ur husband, wat if he still likes his x wife?? all x wifes r like that be more effectionate around him wen the x is arond to that will make her jealous and no that she cant do n e thing and she doesnt own ur husband,
it sees like ur nicer than n e other step mom. i hope he apprectiats that talk to him!