tony has joint custody and has his 9yr old son mike every other day.mike is very active in sports and tony allways goes to watch mike play(which in like 2-3 days a week)then on the weekend there is always school stuff/sports games ect.if these events fall on a day tony does not have his son he still goes.i feel tony spends more time with his exwife than me since she allways goes too.i can go to(for the most part)but i end up just standing around while tony and his ex talk about upcoming events, dr appts,school stuff ect.plus i have to deal with the ex glaring at me the whole time.this happens like 2-3 times a week.i tryed getting more involved with mike like helping in his class so i would not feel so left out.well the ex found out and flipped out.now i'm not even allowed at his school.my husband will not defend me as he feels it will only make things worse for mike.is there any other stepmoms out there that have to deal with all this drama too and how do u deal with it?
2007-01-30 11:28:20 · 5 answers · asked by staceybushway96 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
to be honest with you... you knew will happen if you married him and you knew what his life is like and though that if you get married him and things will change? but didn't happen... That why I rather find someone who never had kid and never married before. I with woman who had 2 kids and wow she won't let me take care her daughter so every night we fight and fight and knowing that 2 kids 2 different dad come pick them oup an dout and in and out ya know and Knowing not going to work and so I left and met my own wife and married for 9 years and 2 kids under 3 and 2 and 3rd due in march.. and no plm no other guys or girls ever cause us a plm...
But really to be honest that you already knew what will happen if you married him and he will always be ex wife life. You can't not blame your husband for that.
I am sorry that you have to deal with all his ex wife drama and you have to deal with it....
2007-01-30 11:40:30 · answer #1 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you feeling threatened by the ex or by the son? IMO any good Dad will put his children before his ex OR new wife. If you try to come between that the only person who will lose is you. I would suggest either be involved in the son's activities along side your husband or find a hobby you can enjoy while your husband is with his son. You didn't just marry a guy. You married a parent. Is it possible for you and ex to talk or have your husband mediate a defined role for you to play in Mike's life in regards to going to the school etc? I know I would be pissed if my ex's new wife went to my sons' school or Dr appt's in a parental capacity but I also want some involvement from her in my children's life. With step-parenting their really does need to be a lot of dialogue to make it work well. It's way too emotional of a situation.
2007-01-30 19:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by Rayca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right to try to get involved with Mike, especially since your husband is so committed to him. Did the school actually tell you to stay off the campus? Wow, that's a lot of drama. You do need to tell Tony how you feel - if you haven't done so already. You have every right to be where your husband is, including at school if he's there. Does the ex feel threatened by you? Is she hoping to get back with Tony? Perhaps talking with the 2 of them together about how you Mike is important to you, too.
Whatever you do, be the good guy. Don't talk bad about the ex or you might distance yourself from Tony and from Mike. Act like the victim you are. Try to be positive, but don't hide the hurt. You want your husband to sympathize with you and not the ex. Maybe it would help if you suggest getting a lawyer to enable you to be more involved at the school. Let Tony see how desperate you are to be involved with your husband and his son.
2007-01-30 20:27:43 · answer #3 · answered by S Q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went through exactly what you are going through. i was told i had no business in any of it. i was young still living at home and didn't have a clue the hellish nightmare i would be faced with when i married the guy. yes i knew he had a kid, but i did not expect to be constantly bombarded with trouble not only from his ex but also everything the ex put her daughter up to doing to me, my baby's and my things. i was like you at first too and just like you i got shoved out of the way. my husband was also like yours.
it took him 5 years (yes 5 long awful years) to actually come to terms and realize (or maybe accept) what i had been putting up with.
i sincerely wish you well.
2007-01-30 21:09:48 · answer #4 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that you want the family to get professional help, or the marriage is over...then you will understand where his priority's are.
I'm sure the ex is enjoying this. So why don't you put an end to it.
2007-02-03 17:35:34 · answer #5 · answered by Lila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋