having a hard time accepting myself...please help?

Question

can anyone tell me how i can enjoy life more and get more friends by loving myself first?? i just cant seem to do it and i dont even have enough confidence in my self to go out that much or be around the person i like. people tell me im attractive but i feel like i need to be perfect first before i do anything. i feel like i have to change for a certain someone to like me. it really sucks..it seems like anyone or anything can bring me down. i should have lots of confidence in myself but i dont. can anyone tell me how i can solve this? i know it seems like im complaining..but i actually really need some help on this...i want to enjoy life and have people love me...but i guess i have to love myself first? i just dont know how.

Answer 1

Life isn't easy and always a happy one. Although, life is based on how you chose to perceive it. Habitual focusing on the downside of life, such as : ppl's appearance, instead of a respect & appreciation for them and their contribution(s) to society: or the quantity of friends, over the qualities you find in a friend; and one's refusal of self-acceptance, resulting in overlooking your own admirable qualities, would drive anyone to depression and insecurity. A healthy mind and lifestyle, will produce a healthy self-esteem and make life worth living! Achieving that healthy self-esteem begins by eliminating those ppl, habits or activities, etc., that constantly provoke us to discouragement/unhappiness. Those ppl, habits, or activities, etc., that promote you to contentment/peace of mind/happiness, need to be a vital part of your daily life. They will give you a self-worth, which will build confidence. When you look in the mirror, purpose not to critique yourself (we all have something(s) about us we do not like or prefer changing), but instead take a serious appreciative look @ all of your qualities & strengths. They can help you make the difference in your life, because you DO have a great deal to offer. Rebuild a positive mindset, by purposing to focus on what's relevant. Let those same qualities, that made "you," (and I and everyone) unique from all the rest, reach out and touch the lives of others. Determination and perseverance (never giving up until you've accomplished) will achieve your goals and eventually have its own personal reward! You won't be disappointed!! You'll only be encouraged and off to a new & happier begining.
Remember: Whatever we generate is what will be reciprocated back. If ppl can't accept nor respect you as you are, without manipulating, then they're not worth knowing at all.
**You are lovable and you are worth it !!! ** (hug)
(Support groups can be very benefical, too.)

Answer 2

Kind of a hard situation to be in isn't it? I know..I have felt like that too. You will always be your own worst critic. Just try to realize that everyone else is not perfect either. Always try your best and be happy that no matter what the out come, you did the best you could. That's all anyone can ever ask of you. If someone says that you are attractive, then smile and tell them thank you. It's ok for someone to compliment you. It's also ok for you to accept that compliment. Take time, relax, and don't worry so much about what people think. Who knows...you may just find yourself having fun. I sure hope you do anyway.. :)

Answer 3

Do you want to enjoy life more or have more friends? The key to enjoying life is deciding what YOU want and then striving for it.
I do not believe that people have much chance to change their personality, but they can set reasonable goals and try to meet them.
Sit down and write down a list of all the things that you would like to accomplish in the next few years and then set aside some time to make it happen.
This may sound trite, but the happiest people seem to be the ones that are striving for a goal as opposed to the ones that have accomplished it.
Love yourself before you love anyone else.

Answer 4

I think most people go through times in their life when they're feeling down about themselves. At least you realize that you need to start loving yourself more, which obviously you do. First of all I think one thing you need to think about is the fact that other people don't notice and/or focus on all your little imperfections as much as you. Being perfect, what is that anyway?
If you want to enjoy life and have people love you then you just have to have a positive attitude. If you go through everyday thinking about the bad stuff than you're going to miss the good stuff. Cliche, but so true.

Answer 5

Hey,
I used to be in your boat. I think the only thing that worked for me was turning 25. I don't know what happened but I finally got some confidence. I also broke up with my boyfriend and starting going out, i would smile at every guy that was smiling at me, and then my phone was ringing off the hook. I would only talk to them on the phone and they would always be surprised that I had a personality along with the looks and that makes you feel great. Also, getting ahead in your life (career wise) and being independent totally helps. Do things that you wouldnt and be good at them, do things you're already good at, and you'll be surprised how cool that makes you feel about yourself.
Keep smiling and never turn down an opportunity cause you never know what lesson is waiting for you.
All the best!
Lou Lou

Answer 6

It may be a good idea for you to go get some counseling. Don't think of this in a negative way, there's nothing wrong with getting a professional opinion about the way you think or act. And many community service centers offer free services or services priced on a sliding scale based on your income.

It's true that its not possible to have a healthy relationship if you can't first love yourself. The relationship will be uneven if you rely on the other person to make you feel good about yourself. You should be able to add to a relationship. Not detract.

Answer 7

For me I have felt that way for about 3 years but then I had to do a motivational speech for my english class. I was never that great at doing speeches, never mind motivating people. I guess what I am trying to say is that you should make the most of your life and cherish everything you experience in life because one day it’ll all be over. I think one should live life to the fullest and live everyday as if it were your last because life is too short and precious. You shouldn’t have any regrets because you didn’t do something you wanted to do. You should celebrate life instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Right now for me I live by this quote:

“There are only two ways to live your life; one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle”. Albert Einstein

Now by really answering your question, all you can do is just be yourself, listen to other people saying the good things about you because it shapes who you are as a person. That's what I did and it helped me become a better person who loves life and everything around me. My MSN name for the moment is that "If I had one wish in the world I would wish for nothing but the life I have and am living".

I wish you good luck in finding who you are and not to worry about it too much or your going to find it harder to live life.

Answer 8

well...like you said you have to accept yourself before you can ask someone else to accept you. You should never change who you are or the way you look to get someone else to notice you...they should notice you because you are the person you are. It doesnt hurt to take part in confidence boosting activities...for example when i go to the gym it makes me feel good...inside and out. or whatever interests you. Try not to hang out alone...be more social...that way you dont feel so depressed all the time. For me hanging out with friends and people i know love me for who i am gives me a lot of confidence as well. I hope i help and that everything works out for you!

Answer 9

Nope, I can't tell you how. I can tell you that nobody is perfect and that most people don't even come close.

What you can do is look at your good qualities, that which makes you worthwhile as a person. They don't have to be anything big, they just have to be good. Find satisfaction in the fact that you posses them. Once you are satisfied in some measure with yourself as you are, then you can strive to improve yourself to be more. But it's important to accept and focus on the positive of yourself before doing anything else.

Answer 10

You can start by thinking more realistically. No one is perfect, so you can't be. Don't work yourself up over something that's impossible to achieve. If you want to accept yourself, you have to accept everything -- including the flaws.

You mentioned that, because you have little self confidence, you don't go out often. But, by going out more, you'll be able to develop social skills and deal with your personal and social problems firsthand. You can't keep putting things off, they'll worsen. Believe me, you'll gain some confidence from doing this, going out more and socializing.

Good luck.