Should children under 8 years of age go to a funeral service?

Answer 1

I say yes, but it does depend on who has died. A close family member or close friend then definately yes. If it is someone the child doesn't know and you'd have to pull them out of school or something to go, then it seems a little pointless. Death is a part of life and I don't believe anything is gained by somehow putting an time frame on when it is appropriate to learn about it. If no one dies before your 8 then it wouldn't be an issue. If you lost a parent when you're 4 then it would be a case of - very very sad, but hey you will have to deal with it.

My question would be - would you take them to visit someone who has recently had a new baby? Would you take them to a christening service? A birthday? Or to a family member's wedding? If yes, then why prevent them from acknowleding a death which is an equally important part of life? Just my thoughts

Answer 2

Like the other answers it would depend on the person for whom the funeral is for (ie. grandparent, family relative, friend) and if the child was close to them.
Our friends little girl died last year. She was only 5 years old. It was tragically sad for them. My children were 11, 8, 3 and I was pregnant with our new baby. I asked them if they wanted children there and their answer was a definite YES, they said their little girl would want all her friends to have been there. All the children came and it was so beautiful and really helped some of the adults having some happy little faces around! We sang her favourite little songs at the service and all the children present (about 50 kids and 100 adults) all released pink balloons. However, they did have a "viewing" before the funeral. I did not want to see her and neither did my daughter - however, my husband and older son did. Consequently, we arrived a little late and missed the viewing anyway. I was glad as I didn't feel that appropriate for a child - remember them alive and happy, not lying still in a box.
My daughter attended my grandmother's funeral with us when she was six. She doesn't really remember it now (she is now 11). I remember going to a funeral for an elderly relative when I was about 7 and my Mom took me to the service but not to the gravesite as she felt I might get upset with that part of it.
Different children cope differently. It is a sad occassion and children are happy little creatures - so they may either
a. be upset that everyone is so upset or...
b. be a joy to those that are there as a happy little distraction that life goes on and happiness can be found in many things.

Answer 3

That decision is yours to make, according to the child and the circumstance. I have seen a child younger than 8, perhaps she was 5, and her Mother had passed away, she was at the funeral home and would stop at the casket, to touch her mother, and hold her hand as her Mother was sleeping. Then she would go and spend time with the Dad and other relatives that were there, and after a while back to Mother and spent her time at the casket talking to her Mother and arranging the flowers . It was difficult to look at this child saying good bye to her Mother, without tears welling up in our eyes, and I think it was a good way to say goodbye and for this little girl to became aware of her Mothers Passing.The explanation of death appropriate for the child's age is an important part in the acceptance of what has happened.

Answer 4

It depends upon the child.My grandson was 6 years old and attended the wake and the funeral for both my parents.We made arrangements for him to go to someones house if it was too upsetting for him.You will know how your child may react. If it is for someone he is close to the child may feel that the death is real and get closure by attending at least the wake. Never,ever tell a child that the deceased is sleeping.Overly young and out of control children should not attend the funeral.

Answer 5

It depends on the child and the circumstances.

I took my daughter of four to a funeral.

:-)

She was very good and the funeral was tiny with just 8 people there and no one crying and being terribly upset.

I have also let her stay away recently (aged 14) because I felt it did not serve her to be stressed by the experience.

YOU get a feeling about what is right for your child and go with that. Don't let anyone make you feel you are being callous to keep them away or to take them. Parents know best!

Answer 6

Personally I wouldn't take my children to a funeral if they were 8 years old or under. I went when I was 7 to my grandfather's funeral and nothing positive came out of it, just bad memories of everyone crying and stress.

Answer 7

I think they should. My 4 year old lost so many people in her life in the past year. Her grandfather, her aunt, and 2 close friends of the family. After her aunt and grandfather died, she was having trouble dealing with it. When our friend died, we decided to take her to the funeral home for the visitation and viewing. She has done so much better with that death then all the others combined. If an 8 year old can handle it, then by all means take them. The closure may be better that way.

Answer 8

well to answer this question.. this would depend on who passed away... if it was someone very close to the 8 year old , i woud take them to the funeral , because it is their right to say good bye for one. and 2nd one day in the future this 8 year old child may be very bitter about not going to the funeral. .. If this funeral is someone not so close then there really is no need to expose them just yet to this.. when my son died we took our younger son who was 8 years old at the time, many questioned it, except for my husband and I.. today our son is 19 years old. we have asked him what he would of thought if we didnt include him in the funeral of his brother when he was 8 years old. He replied......i would of been real real mad.. after all he is my brother. I have a right to see what happened to him .. he also stated he would of never understood what happened to his brother if he didnt see for himself it was final...........so again i think its important whos funeral it is. the 8 year old child will be affected and many questions and pain afterwards. so make sure its someone like gramma, papa, or sibling, immediate aunt or uncle.. or even a Close friend... not a school mate....if you know what im getting at... Good Luck and be prepared as i stated..this is a very disturbing area for a 8 year old...

Answer 9

yes, death is a normal part of our time on earth and unless the child is one of extreme "nervousness" stressed out,sensitive kind of kid,then I think it's all part of growing up in this world where death is an everyday occurance,as is birth.
just explain to the child exactly what is going to happen from the time you get to the church to the time the coffin goes in the ground,9before you leave home)so she will know what is going to happen.explain the tradition of some of the rituals and what they mean. If there is soemthing special about that person to the child,let them odo a drawing or pick a flower or photo to put on the coffin,so she is part of the goodbye process.Explain that normally cheerful people are going to be visibly upset and that they may nbot take the usual time to talk to her,or the opposite,that they may cling on to her and not let her go.Tell the child it is ok to cry and it's ok not to cry but to be facinated by what is happening.I', sure taht if youdo all this, your child will accept the day withouht too much stress and will ot fear fuenrals in the future. I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

It is very important that a child learns to grieve in a healthy way. I think its up to the parents. My daughter was 6 when she went to a funeral. It was for my nephew who dies at 4 days old. We were able to see Preston and attend his baptizm before he passed away.. I felt that her attending his funeral would be a chance for closure and it was.. But in cases where there is an open casket - I think that may be more than a child can handle at that age.