Should I send my boyfriend back across country?

Question

I met my boyfriend 3 years ago in New York through my cousin who is his bestfriend. We didn't hit it off right away but a few days later we did. When we talked finally- we damn there fell in love. 2 1/2 years later I visited NY again (we never really talked during that time) and happened to see him. It felt just as good as the first time. By the time I flew back to California, he decided he wanted to move with me in California. He's never even been to Cal. HE drive from NY to Cal. Since then he hasn't been able to find work, and hasn't had any money; I pay for everything. After living with me for a month and 1/2 he told me he didn't like me and wanted to go back to NY. Later he told me he didn't mean it; that he was frustrated. Now we live together and we don't talk about our feelings anymore-its really odd between the two of us. My mind wants to ask him to go back to NY but my heart wants him to stay. What should I do?

Answer 1

It sounds like your boyfriend's self esteem is being crushed by not being able to survive in California yet. He is demoralized by his recent failures. You can probably see that well enough for yourself.

This is truly a time when your love for each other will be tested. First, you both need to decide if you will look at your lives as "WE" instead of "YOU." If you both have the intention of living together happily ever after, then you both need to start thinking that WE will solve OUR problems together. Also, the worst thing you two can do is shut down communications. You both need to keep your communications with each other strong all the time. Nothing should be off limits when you two talk to each other.

Something you should tell your boyfriend is there being a bright side to his current problems. He should be fortunate to have you and he didn't end up on the streets like so many who move to California on a dream and a prayer. His and your luck will change, you both just need to tough it out.

Good luck to you both!