How would you feel as a parent?

Question

I got custody of my younger sister about 6 months ago because she was being sexually abused repeatedly, today I picked her up from school and she was leaning up against a male teacher with her head on his shoulder. I asked her why she was leaning on him and if he told her not to and she said that she was cold (although if the child is cold they can stand right inside the school until they see their ride) and that the teacher didn't tell her to get off of him. He is about 30-40...We have had the talk about boundaries because when she first moved in she didn't have any respect for other people and was constantly holding onto my 2 year old son. What would you do and how would you feel as a parent??
Thanks!

She is 10 years old, and she goes to counseling once a week!! She is definetly harder to raise than my own children I have two!! And I do watch them very carefully and they are never in a room alone, and aren't allowed to see each other without clothes on!!! I stress that to the limit, I have talked to her counselor about the boundaries and they have worked on it but today she just regressed!! I'm so irritated with her and the teacher, and by the way she has only been in this school for 2 weeks!!! And she doesn't see him everyday!!!! I'm outraged....I'm only 21 so I didn't know if it was normal...I don't have kids in school...

Answer 1

What a horrible thing for your sister to have gone through, thank god that she has someone like you that can take her in a give her a real family.
Has your sister recieved any counselling since moving in with you. Maybe it's worth bringing this up with a cousellor and getting them to work through boundaries and respect with her and what is approriate behavour ect.
It is going to be tough to deal with these sorts of issues, but keep in mind that she needs to learn what is it like living with a fully functioning family and it will take quiet a bit of time for her to get use to it all.
Also I would bring it to the schools attention about this male teacher, although it may have been nothing I would not like to have a male teacher do that to my daughter, as innocent as it may have been. If this teacher knows that your sister has been sexually abused and it a child predector your sister would be an easy target.
Goodluck with the task of getting your sisters life back on track, you are a truely wonderful person for taking her into your house and family.

Answer 2

I hope you realize that your a great person to step up, take control and get your sister out of the abusive situation. As a parent I would be worried. You didn't say how old your sister is or if she is in therapy? The teacher may have been innocent in the situation at school but it would seem that in this day and age he would think about propriety. Your sister is probably going to have alot of issues to deal with if she has been sexually abused...one of which may be sexual promiscuity. I think you should get her therapy as quickly as possible, make sure she knows that she has worth as a person not as a sexual thing. I hate to say this but maybe you should keep a close eye on the interaction between her and your 2 yr old until she has had some therapy and you feel that she is on the road to recovery. Goodluck.

Answer 3

On the elementary level, teachers become really accustomed to hugs and other forms of affection from their students. At the beginning of the school year, one of my students would ask me to lean down as if to tell me a secret, and then she'd kiss me on the forehead. Sometimes we teachers are the only person who will hug back in a child's life, so denying these simple and harmless forms of affection can be difficult at times. If this male teacher is not aware of your sister's past, he most likely thought nothing of it. I would suggest making a phone call to the teacher, but do NOT do it in an accusing way. Let him know that she is seeing a counselor and without disclosing too much information, that you would like it if he not allow her to lean against him and hug him. I'm sure he'll quickly oblige. As for your sister, it's obviously going to take a lot of time and love for recovery. Keep working with her and keep looking out for signs of change. She will have difficulty interacting with people socially, so be sure to praise her when you see her interacting in positive ways. Share what you've learned with her counselor so that it can be addressed in her next session. I wish you the warmest of thoughts for your family as you go through this difficult time together. :)

Answer 4

You didn't mention your sister's age... I think you're right to be concerned. Being that she has a history of sexual abuse, as you said, her ideas of boundaries are confused. My biggest problem is the teacher - what was he thinking? Is her guidance counselor at school aware of her history and current situation? I would set up a meeting to discuss this with the counselor, because this teacher's action (or lack of reaction) needs to be addressed. Teachers (especially males) need to be very careful about physical interaction with students, and be aware of what kind of image they are projecting at all times. It's sad that it has to be that way, but it's necessary in the world we live in...
My best of luck to you... raising a sibling is almost harder than raising your own child.

Answer 5

You need to have a meeting with her and the guidance counselor about the incident with the teacher and seek professional help. Her behavior may be promiscuous due to past experiences, however, some of the past abuse could have also been brought on by promiscuous behavior. Either way, she has a problem and needs help. Good luck.

Answer 6

Your poor sister. What a tough life she has had thus far. How LUCKY for her though that you came to her rescue.

It is apparent that she is in tremendous need of counseling. She has absolutely no idea what is appropriate behavior and what is not. You can talk to her until you are blue in the face and because you are not a professional knowing how to deal with her circumstances, you may never get through to her.

With regards to her behavior with her teacher, I would go to the principal immediately. Immediately. You saw their contact with your own two eyes and KNOW it is not appropriate. Your sister's previous situation proves her to be confused and she could allow his (what she thinks) kindness go too far. Please go to the principal tomorrow.

Good luck. God bless you for reaching out to help your sister.

mb

Answer 7

I would not leave her alone with my child, she does not understand normal boundaries (as you said). I'd call the principal of the school and tell him/her what I saw. School's generally have 0 contact allowed between students and teachers in this day and age--not even a pat on the back is allowed.

Answer 8

talk 2 her more and about hwo wrong the person was who was bothering her was.talk to that teacher in private and if he doesnt give u the proper attention, go 2 the principle, the school board, or some sort of public authority.

Answer 9

I would tell her that it is inappropriate as this man is not a relative. It was probably nothing and there is no reason to jump to conclusions but she should be told to treat adults with respect and that includes keeping her distance. She should also know that if someone is being overly affectionate with her that is the kind of thing that she should tell you.

Answer 10

First off what kind of teacher would let a student lean on them?! I have to take your side on this one I would feel outraged and take it straight to the school board. Your lil sis is just doing what she knows (sadly) and yeah she may know it was all wrong but you may need to point your anger at the teacher he should have known better.