i keep crying the whole time!?

Question

i have so much going on in my life right now im finding it really hard to cope and just keep bursting into tears

my parents want me to move out but i cant because i have no money so i have to live in a place where im not wanted

i have recently broken up with my ex bf who treated me like complete cr*p cheating on me and everything. i am over him but i cant stand walking around college and always seeing him everywhere because it just brings back all the bad memories of the past

my friends try to help but they dont really understand and just tell me to cheer up

my new boyfriend is pretty much the only good thing in my life right now but i only get to see him for one day a week and i miss him so much for the rest of the week

so basically does anyone know any kind of way i can prevent myself from crying so much and being depressed because its getting others down too

please dont say to see a councellor because i have spoken to many before and they just dont work for me

Answer 1

Hi Alex,

First of all Alex, I want to say that I hear you. Life can be so overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like it is never going to get better... But I am here to tell you that it does. I thought my life had bottomed out 11 years ago. When I wasn't living in my car, I slept in my buddies’ closet for $50.00/mo. I was an alcoholic and didn't know where to turn. I am not going to bore you with my details, but what I will tell you is that it can and will get better, if you choose.

What I am going to share with you were three words (or seeds if you will...), that were planted in my head. And as time went on, these seeds grew and changed my life. Understand that I am not a doctor or hold any degree in helping people. I am just someone who has been there and found a way out. These three words allowed me the choice of changing, but I had to place the effort, and it was so worth it.

I am going to be tactful and honest, but first and foremost I am a straight shooter.

The three words that I would like to share with you helped me mainly, believe it or not, because I did not understand them. I had to, not only, learn what they meant, but how to apply them so that I may live a better life.

I encourage that even if you know their meanings that you look them up again. It may help you get a fresh, new perspective on what you already know.

The first word is: Self-esteem

When I was first taught this word, it was not in a very cordial way. It actually came to me as a word nearing a nervous breakdown. As I like to put it: it was the salt in the wound. However, it changed me forever, and I hope it does the same for you.

Here is an example:

"my new boyfriend is pretty much the only good thing in my life right now..."

Often times people who are suffering with low self-esteem find "outlets" or ways to focus their energies on other people or things rather than themselves. This causes tremendous strain on the relationship while it is being used as a crutch to keep you "feeling good".

Our emotional standpoint (or balance) needs to come from within. We need to love ourselves first, before getting into a relationship; therefore we have something to offer the other person. The best part is that when one of you are down. The whole relationship doesn't crumble; instead, the one who is down can be helped up by the other who is not. However, if one person is constantly down (from low self-esteem) then the other is constantly lifting them up, and that is not a healthy relationship.

The next word is: Dependency

Now this is the one that took the most time to incorporate into my life. And every now and again, it rears its ugly head. However, this word can help establish boundaries that will help keep you from falling or at least make it easier.

Imagine dependence as a scale. On one end is dependence on the other independence. Use this scale to rate where you may find yourself, thus figuring out if it is a problem or not.


______________________________
dependent ------------------- independent

Dependence is the attitude of you. "You take care of me." "You come through for me." Or, "you don't come through for me."

Then I blame you for the results. It is very "you" oriented.

Independence basically means that you are free, free of external influence. That is the control or support of others. You can get what you want from your own efforts. Independence is the attitude of "I". "I can do it." "I am responsible." "I am self-reliant." "I can choose."

Excerpts from:
Stephen R. Covey
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Ask yourself this question: Do you rely on others to get things done?

When you learn to become independent, relationships take on a whole new meaning. You don't have to rely on someone or something else to get you through.

The last, but certainly not least: Rejection

I understand, from your letter that you know this word well. But do they know how deep your pain is? Do they know how long you have been stuffing the hurt under the rug? Do they know how hard it is for you to smile? Do they know how many years you cried quietly in the darkness?

The reason I know is because I've been there. And I also know the way out. I know how bad it hurts. I know about feeling numb. I know that I didn't (or couldn't) want (or have) any conversations because I couldn't make it through without bursting into tears. No conversation could help and no one understood? Or so I thought... People just don't understand how painful it is.


They don't know anything about your silent screams...

but I do.

Please understand that there is an answer.

Please know that there is a way out.

I swear to you that this is just my testimony. It is the truth.

Please trust me. Make one more phone call. Not to me, and not to a shrink. They are my friends, and have figured out how to remove the pain, and how to help us live again. It worked for me. I am getting absolutely nothing out of this other than I don't wish for others to suffer like I did.

My friends’ names are Duane and Kevin Lawrence. There phone number is 1-800-free-495. Leave them a message if they are not there. I promise they will call you back. Let them know that I, Rodney C, told you to call.

I owe God and this family my life...


Your brother in Christ,
Rodney C

7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7, 8

Answer 2

Well you are going through a bad patch at the moment. But the good news is that it won't last, and it will make you a stronger more independent woman.
I'm afraid it is a case of "no pain no gain" and that applies every bit as much to mental pain as physical pain.
Going through this sort of anguish is very common, and happens probably to most people.
You could try antidepressants - they do work and they do help.
It might be a good idea to stay away from people a little (but not too much) if you think your crying is upsetting them.
Talk to your parents and fid out why they want you out. It might be for a good reason such as they think you should be more independent and free-of-spirit now.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Ok lets see if we can break this all down effectively.

1. your parents want you out. so why not start searching for a housemate or two and that way you can split the costs and it will be cheaper than supporting yourself alone. if you have NO money then you should try to work a part time job in your free time and save some. in the meantime, keep busy and try to not be home so often, and try to sit with your parents and see if they could help you come up with a plan, or tell them your working really hard to and if they could give you a chance to get things going.

2. your ex. well theres nothing you can do about that but grieve it out. we all go through it. it gets easier with time. nothing you can do really except let time heal. perhaps you can take different walking routes to class for a little while so you dont have to run into him, or try to talk to him and have closure so the process of healing will be easier. i would have suggested staying solo for a while becuase its not healthy to jump from one relatioonship to the next. you need to give youself time to heal and be free to do the things you want and maybe couldnt when you were involved.

3. if you're constantly crying all the time maybe it wouldnt be so bad to have some kind of therapy for a while...whether it be kick boxing, or a yes a therapist, or someone you can sit and talk with who is neutral and can help you come up with some coping strategies. exercise, boxing, whatever. take out your frusterations.

i think if you try all of this you will start feeling better. remember that this rut you are in will not last forever. in the meantime do everything you csan to get yourself out of it. its all up to you and you should take charge, you will get there, i promise you.

Answer 4

I feel for you, it sounds like you have no one to lean on at the moment except your new bf. Friends dont always understand how we feel when life is not treating us fair. You can and will get through this difficult time in your life and one day believe me look back and it will be a distance memory. I dont understand your parents wanting you to move out but if that is there wish, maybe you could ask a tutor at college for help they may even no of somewhere that you could stay, you have not mentioned any other relatives but if you have some maybe it could be worth a visit to them. I truly wish you well and hope that in time you will be back on your feet, please stop crying you will spoil a pretty face for your new bf. take care x

Answer 5

you do sound very sad, you did´t say how old you are , but if you are old enough to leave home , would it be an idea to find a place with your boyfriend, if not another relative . just till you get yourself back to positive thinking. easy for everyone to say cheer up. I think you have to look in the mirror & say stop this right now , I must put the passed behide me . there are better things for me in this life . hold your head up hight when you pass your x boy friend , tell yourself why should I care for him anymore , after all he only used me I´m worth much more than him , he used me like a doormatt think positive , be happy enjoy life , go out with your friend´s when you feel lonely, thing´s will get better

Answer 6

The solution is in your hands baby,I know it sounds easy to say because we are not in your shoes,you have to be strong and lift your self up not down,you are special,keep telling yourself that.you might think that you will never get over your boyfriend but it is up to you how long is going to take what is going to take to do so,you have to respect yourself,try to get a job after school save your money until you have enough to move out and have your own place...I hate to tell you but you have to forget about your boyfriend obviously he don't love you and you know it because he treat you like trash and you don't deserved that,crying won't get you nowhere,stop crying and take action on the matter,do not feel sorry for yourself that will only make things worse...think positive..talk to your parents and see if you all can come to an agreement to help you,to make your life better,you are special keep telling yourself that...because you are....good luck.

Answer 7

Try going to a Psychiatrist... honestly, they can listen to your problems, and possilby prescribe you medication IF it's needed. If not, than try to focus more attention on your new boyfriend, you said that you only get to see him once a week, what about calling him on the phone and telling him how you feel about life in general. Who knows what might hapen, you may end up moving in together. I can't stress this enough, communicating is THE single most important thing that everyone can, and MUST DO.

Answer 8

Counselling only doesn't work if you don't open up to it and voice your feeling and figure out how to solve your problems. They don't do it for you, nobody but you yourself can help your own mind. Counselling worked for me, just about.
If your depression is just too severe for counselling to work, go to the doctor and he may prescribe anti-depressants.
Also exercise can act as an anti-depressant because of the chemicals that are released into your body during it.

Finally there is a website that you can work through that may help you, as long as you do the exercises that it suggests:

moodgym.anu.edu.au

Answer 9

Honey, what you need to do is think about good things and not think about the CRAP going on in your life.

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and I understand exactly where you are, because I have been exactly there. I have beaten clinical depression on my own more than once with no meds and no doctors. This is not for everyone, and it is not easy, but I also didn't feel that counselors helped and I didn't want meds.

You need to start with a physical foundation for your new, positive and happy self. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, preferably fresh. Avoid sugary, salty and fatty foods and white flour. Avoid hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup like the poisons that they are. Avoid artificial sweeteners and artificial fats. Be a label reader. Learn about nutrition. Be sure to eat enough protien but not too much red meat. Drink plenty of water and take a decent quality multivitamin every day. (Centrum, or the Costco equivalent are actually pretty good, and inexpensive). Be sure to get plenty of sleep and reasonable exersize.

Keep your house/room and your car clean, you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel just being in a clean environment.

Surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive, and avoid people who bring you down or put you down in any way. This may mean getting some new friends. Join clubs or activities that do things you are interested in, you're in school, so these should be pretty easy to find.

The above is all the foundation for the real work. The real work is to think positively, to actively avoid negative thoughts and actively focus on positive thoughts. This sounds much easier than it is. You probably have developed habits / patterns of thinking of things from the past that were upsetting, painful, embarassing, whatever. You need to stop that! ***Feeling immediately follows thought***, so if you are thinking of negative things, you are going to have negative feelings. If you are thinking of negative things all the time, you will have negative feelings all the time. When you find yourself thinking of negative things, conciously force your mind away from them and focus on thinking of postive things. It can help to have a 'default positive thought', something that is a good thing that you feel good about that you can conciously turn your thoughts to when you notice you are thinking of something negative. You need to do this every time you start to think negatively. I'm telling the truth when I say that this is very very hard, but if I can do it you can do it. You will backslide, just dust yourself off, and get back on the positive thought trail.

What you can also do is try smiling. There are scientific studies that have proven that smiling actually releases chemcials in the brain that make you feel better. It's weird but true, and I've proven it for myself. Try smiling, even if it's a totally fake, stiff smile, when you are alone or driving, or whatever. Keep that smile plastered on, it's subtle at first but it does make a difference. Also, when you smile at people, even for no reason, you'll be amazed at the results. Smiles, like yawns, are contagious and a person who smiles a lot is spreading good feelings all around themselves.

I can tell you from experience that the above works. I have been conciously working on being happy, on thinking positive thoughts for more than 10 years now and I am happier than I have ever been. Right now I have things going on that 10 years ago would have freaked me out copmpletely...and they don't. I do what I can do, I make the best decisions that I can and take action on them, and then I just don't spend much more time thinking or worrying about it because all that does is make me feel bad.
It takes time to change habits. You'll get results right away in your immediate feelings each time you avoid negative thoughts, but changing the thought patterns will take several weeks to be at all visible - keep at it - this will work. I still backslide every now and then but I catch myself quickly and my normal thought patterns are now very positive.

If you are at all interested, you can also read some Dali Lama, anything you can find on practical applications of Quantum Physics and anything you can find on how to be happy. It won't all apply to you, and it won't all be right, but if you even find a little seed of an idea it's worth looking for.

Best wishes, good luck.

Answer 10

This is one of the classic signs of clinical depression

Go and tell your Doctor about it ,
i am sure he /she will be sympathetic
and also give you some temporary medication,
to help you cope .

Most people go into depression at some time ,
in their lives and need help . So you are not alone in this

Don't worry it will ease off
and you will feel your happy self again, soon

all best

>^,,^<

Answer 11

first of all i just want to say good job on braking up with your ex bf you just dont need to deal with that crap. as for your parents tell them youll move out if they are willing to help with your rent payments, tell them that you cant afford to move so if they want you gone then they should pay for it. as for feeling less depressed you should try taking walks or writting down your feelings you say that counselors dont work for you so maybe you just need to work through things on your own. concerning your new BF it seems like your in a rebound relationship, meaning your using this new BF to make you feel better about your breakup and in the end its just going to hurt both of you
you should take a good look at your new relationship to make sure that its actually a real relationship and not you needing someone to make you feel loved

i wish you the best of luck