Am i right to step back from the showers, because i was told that the mother of bride and groom need to attend them. I just think it would be less stressful on everyone if i send a gift via my daughers who will probably attend their step sisters showers. Am I right to do this?
2007-01-30 07:54:07 · 26 answers · asked by firecracker 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I STILL don't understand why it is that adults can't, for the few hours it takes, lay their personal feelings aside for the sake of their child's wedding. Why is it they use this opportunity to continue to punish each other & make everyone else miserable.
Oh, I get it, this is how they have ALWAYS behaved; oh let's use the children.
I think it is commendable that you are willing to step aside for your step-daughter. But I don't see why you should miss sharing in the joy. How does the bride feel about this?
I think you should go & stay your distance from the bride's mother. Have your daughters surround you. But advise is easy, the doing isn't.
If Mom decides to verbally attack you, take the higher road, however hard it may be. Without retalitating, get up, tell your step daughter goodbye, and leave.
2007-01-30 08:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does the bride want you to do? If she would rather you not attend, or is worried about how her mother would act around you, then respect her wishes, but if she wants you there, then remember that these events are very short lived in the whole scheme of things. I'm sure you and her mother can be civil towards one another for a couple of hours at a shower or 2. You don't have to be best buddies, just polite. But ask your step daughter, and go with whatever she thinks. BTW, I think it's very considerate of you to be concerned, but you don't want to hurt her feelings by not being there, ya know? Best of luck to you in your decision, and congrats!
2007-01-30 17:33:28 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the bride knows that the two of you don't get along, and you get along with her well, I would talk to her about it. I completely believe in going to all functions and being civil. However, my mother-in-law and I hate each other (think a Jerry Springer episode). I have no problem being civil, but her and her daughter always pop off comments and try to make a scene, and it makes everyone there uncomfortable. If either one of you is like this, you shouldn't go. If you can both be civil, you should suck it up. The bridal showers are about the bride, not other people. Hey, if you behave and she starts spouting off, don't worry about it. She'll look like a complete idiot and you'll come out smelling like a rose. I do this to my mother-in-law all the time. I just play nice and she and her daughter act stupid. Who is the family mad at later? Not me.
2007-01-30 17:49:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i got married 5 years ago, my mother and father were not speaking. Therefore, my step-mother was very uncomfortable with the idea of coming to the shower. My step-mom decided to have a small luncheon in my honor with my aunt's and cousins on my dad's side (there were 6 or 7 of us). It was a lovely lunch, and everyone had a nice time. We were all able to relax, and nobody was stressed.
I think sending a gift is a nice way to cut down on the stress between you and the mother of the bride, and on the bride herself. I guarantee she is aware of the friction between you and her mom.
2007-01-30 17:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by Kirsten 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this will help but I am getting married in April and I have divorced parents who are both remarried and my mom and step mom do not get along either.
I get along with my mom and step mom but my step mom asked me if she could take me to dinner the day before my shower so that way she could give me her gift and spend time with me but that way there wouldn't be pressure on me to be the buffer for the 2 of them. My step mom wants to make sure I have a good time at the shower and am able to relax and I thought it was very sweet for her to offer to step back that way I am not stressed out and trying to keep them separate to avoid a possible scene and be embarrassed.
So I think you have the right to step back because I have to agree with the other poster who said it's about the bride and groom but also about the biological parents because they always want to be the ones to be in charge and shouldn't feel competition.
I hope this helps
2007-01-30 16:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by pucca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Certainly you and the mother of the bride could put your differences at bay until after the couple is wed. It is the "adult" thing to do, but if you feel that you and the mother of the bride can not be civial to one another perhaps you should sit the couple down and explain to them why you will not be attending the showers. Another scenerio, if the showers are thrown by her side then you do not attend, if the showers are thrown by your side then the mother of the bride should not attend. That seems fair as well.
2007-01-30 16:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am a step parent and me and the mother of the kids do not like each other.
I understand your position and believe you are trying to do the right thing.
As for myself, I always manage to be working on these special occasions and no one ever knows the difference as far as I can tell because I work all of the time anyway.
You could just lie and bring up some excuse like me for not being there such as your job, your out with a bad back.
I feel for ya babe, and I understand. I am just dreading the day my 2 kids marry.
2007-01-30 16:39:10 · answer #7 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This wedding is not about you two women. It's about the bride to be. If you and she are close, you should put aside your dislike for her real mother and attend the showers. This in no way takes away from the real mother being there.
2007-01-30 16:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is all about the bride. Will she be hurt if you do not attend ? Even if you are perfectly miserable at the shower, please do this for your step daughter. It also would probabIy put your own daughters into the awkwardness of having to explain your absence. If you are invited to these showers, bite the bullet and think of the bride. Later, it could prevent hurt feelings that could last a long time.
2007-01-30 16:01:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You've got to remember that this is her special day and not yours. If I were you, I would go. But I'm not you. You should put in mind that you would be doing this for your beloved step-daughter, who is worth that. It would mean a lot to her if you were there, even though you have problems with the mom. Do think that she would feel bad that you wouldn't be there, or would she be okay with it? You have to make that decision, but if you really think that it would be less stressful for everyone, then don't go. Do what you think is right, and best for her, too.
2007-01-30 16:09:58 · answer #10 · answered by gingi_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋