my wife and i are 25 and have just had a baby. the problem is my mother-in-law. she is helping my wife and has completely taken over the house. my wife and i feel as if it is no longer our own home or our own baby.
i have asked my wife to speak to her mother, but although he agrees with me, she says she can't cope without her mother. should i speak to her mother? i can't live like this much longer?
2007-01-30 07:45:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes talk to her, it's your home, and your wife can cope she's just scared to fail which she wont. Talk to her and tell her how you and your wife feel.
2007-01-30 07:51:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her mother probably has her convinced that she cannot cope without her. Your wife will need to learn to cope without mom. This baby will be around for the next 20 or so years! You might talk to your mother-in-law. Be very nice, thank her for all she has done, but tell her you need to learn to do it on your own. Wean her from the control of the baby now while you still can! This is a dangerous situation for your marriage. Good Luck!
2007-01-30 07:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by Bev 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what you could suggest is, ask her to call over say twice a week to help out, because your wife may become dependant on her, so it's best if you asked your MIL nicely to just pop over a few times because you rally don't need her help evey day, then your wife can adjust to motherhood without her around....that's the only thing you can do, yes do speak to her but keep it on a calm level...don't forget....your wife has just had a baby and her hormones will still be all over the place, and she may get upset by the slightest little thing.....just tread lightly for your wifes sake...here is one important factor here...your wife and the baby need to bond....if the MIL is there then it's not going to happen and that could cause problems in time to come...be nice, say thankyou, but tell her you are quite capable of doing these things yourselves...
2007-01-30 16:37:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be tactful about this as you may require your mother-in- law for babysitting services,Your wife still needs family support. Iwould strongly advise that you arrange certain times when your mother-law can visit . I guess your mother in law knows that having a baby can be tough and ahard work Your wife may need her mother to help out for a while.
2007-02-03 01:10:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but you have to be cruel to be kind.Icant help feeling your wife wants you to do the talking & pushing .Speak to Mother-in -law but make sure your wife is with you .Then your words wont be twisted out of meaning .BE polite but firm but you have to act now.Good Luck.
2007-01-30 11:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by not a mused 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that she prolly means the best, but alas...
I would be as kind as I could be. Both you and your wife need to approach her gently, saying that you appreciate the help, but that it isn't fair to take up all of her time.
Gran's feelings count. If you can make it appear that it is because you have appreciation and concern for her, there is less potential for damaging of relationships.
If you must be tougher then again, you need not give her a kick up the bum.
--That Cheeky Lad
2007-01-30 09:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife need to lay down some rules in a nice way. Maybe you need to stand up to your mother-in-law when she is trying to tell you what to do. Remind her in a nice way that it is your home and your baby, and as much as you appreciate all her help it is your choice to make.
2007-01-30 07:50:38 · answer #7 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable that your mum-in-law wants to be with her daughter(and grandchild) coz she thinks she is helping out and supporting her daughter.She probably doesn't even realise that she is in the way,but just that she is helping out! Explain to her (tactfully!) that while you really appreciate what she is doing for the family that you need some time to yourselves to bond as a family.No need to upset her, just say that you really need space to get used to the big change that a baby has brought to your lives.
2007-01-30 11:21:21 · answer #8 · answered by bevalou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know i can surely relate to this one my mother law is the queen of ruining lives. my advice is just keep your mouth shut b-cuz their is a fine line when it comes to mothers and daughters. what i did in my situation is me and my husband of 10 years finally moved away from the medoling menace. it has done wonders for our marriage
2007-01-30 07:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by dirt77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yep you must say something, its stressfull enough with a new babe and getting into a routine, perhaps you could tell your mother inlaw that as helpful as she has been it may be time for you both to cope on your own now and suggest that she goes home.(with your thanks of course)
2007-01-30 13:51:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋