Would you help your adopted child search for his/her birth parents??

Answer 1

if it is important to her, then it should be important to you. You didnt say how old she is, so she may just want information, raither than a meeting. I met my biological mother when I was 22, my siblings were looking for me. But warn her, as was in my case, that the meeting may not be what you expect. It may be bad memories for the biological mother.

Answer 2

Do you believe that the birth parents WANT to be found?

Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.

But that's besides the point. While adopted children feel that something is missing, for not having know their birth parents, it's important for them (and you) to realize that their life is what it is. Adopted parents are parents. They raise these kids and give them all the love (sometimes more) than birth parents do.

I'd advocate to adopted children that they enjoy the life they have and not try to fill in pieces for a life they didn't.

However, if you have older adopted children (at least 16, although I'd say 18 would be better) and they ask for your assistance, offer what you can. However, as their PARENT, you should also offer your guidance about why this might not be a good idea and that the birth parent may not want to be found.

Issues of medical need are another story.

Answer 3

It depends on the situation, if the child was that of parents who had prision issues, drugs issues, or what ever, I might would hold back until they were eighteen or older, because this can be damaging, but if the mother was a young teen or someone who simply could not take care of their child do to emotional or financial reasons, then yes. In most cases, the adoptive parents know some of the background.

Ultimately the decision is yours, but I would way the facts. My brother in law was adopted, but he had a need to meet his birth family. His mother made him waite because she thought his back ground was to much for him to handle at such a tender age. By the time he was able to look for them, his mother had died, she had commited suicide. She had a history of drug abuse. His father did not want to meet him. He did speak to him on the phone and said that his mother had had the same feelings, she never kept one child she birthed, their was 12 in all, he has met all but three of his siblings, and those siblings cannot be found. His father did not want to meet him face to face because he did not know about him, he was the baby. He had four other kids. He had a wife who he did not want to hurt. Sad but true. His siblings that his mother bore all by different fathers were happy to meet him and had looked for him for a very long time themselves, so in some ways it has been a happy ending, but there are three more reunions to go.

I think sometimes the not knowing is what gets the adopted children, they have a very strong need it is human nature. So again just weigh the facts.

Answer 4

absolutely, why I feel open adoption is very important. There will come a time when an adoptee decides that they would like to find that "missing link", the identity factor, and have questions answered. Do I have my birthmothers eyes? Do we act/look alike, why couldn't she raise me, etc., etc.,

I think that if more adoptive parents were proactive in the beginning, and gather as much information as they "possibly" can from birth family, it will be very beneficial in the future to both them and the child. Not all re-connection stories are happy ones, but at least there is an "option" to search, and it should be the adoptee's choice to do so, keeping in mind as well that not all birth parents want to be contacted. It's a tough thing, but in the long run, hopefully, the adoptive parents did their best to raise a child in a stable loving environment, and did what they wanted to do all along............Just be a great parent.

Answer 5

Well, I think it would depend on their age, their emotional maturity and when and why the child shows an interest in contacting their parents. I think a stable, well adjusted older teen who wants the opportunity to ask questions and meet their birth parents may be more capable of dealing with any dissapointments or challenges they face in locating and meeting with their parents, then say, a 12 year old just hitting the emotional roller coaster of hormones and junior high turmoil......

As a rule, I think I would want to get and maintain as much information on birth parents as possible for my child - from the beginning. I think I would want to know what it was my child and I would be getting into to find the birth parent. I think I would want to take the time to contact the birth parent over the years in order to foster that later meeting with them and my child. I would hate to see my child get hurt by indifference, lack of commitment or negative situation in which their parent might be involved - say jail....

I have three cousins who were adopted. Their parents maintained some details on the birth parents, and definitely assisted their teenagers in locating and contacting the birth parents.... The kids were 17, 16 and 14 at the time. The youngest had the hardest time, most acting out behaviors following the visits and seemed to go through some depression for a few months following. I don't say this to gossip, but because... I think it's really important that your child be READY to meet their parents. Not that they THINK they're ready, but that they (and you) are ready to handle the emotions of this time. Most importantly, your child needs to know you are there for them, believe in them, accept them, and love them unconditionally - no matter what they feel, share or experience following contact with their birth parents.

Hope that helps, and good luck.....

Answer 6

I would but only when they were emotionally mature enough for it. My step-daughter is almost 12. Her mother abandoned her at 7 so now my husband and I have full custody. Her mom calls occasionally (2-3 times a year) She often makes promises such as this Thanksgiving she asked what Jen wanted for Christmas and said she'd send her a present. No call on Christmas Day and no present. Everyday Jen comes in and asks what we got in the mail...she is still expecting something. She still talks about the $50 allowance her mom 'owes' her from before she left. Even though she is almost 12, an age most states consider old enough to choose where to live- she lives in a fantasy land when it comes to her mom. She cannot accept the truth that her mom didn't want her (and I am not saying that out of bitterness, she abandoned Jen and her two older sisters and took only the two (now three) babies by her current husband.)

What I am trying to get to is that the child needs to be prepared to accept a harsh truth before they meet their birth parents. It may be something like I was too young/poor and wanted to give you a chance or it could be something much harder to accept. In Jen's case, she and her sisters were in the way of her mom and step-dad's family. They didn't and still don't consider her a part of it. She is not ready for that truth. She wants to think her mom misses her and loves her and yet last Christmas her card said to Jen from the Barretts, not even Mom. Not even I love you.

Answer 7

Yes I would. Most adopted kids just want to hear straight from their birth parent the reason why they wer given up. But, regardless your child will look with or with out you so why not help them find answers to their questions. After all you are now their mother and they need your help,love, and support.

Answer 8

Yes absolutely, the adopted parent could find more information than the kid could, that would be hard for the adopted parent through,,, so if your the adopted kid, be understanding towards your parents they don't want to loose you and if this is the adopted parent be understanding to your kid, they don't want to leave you, there need understanding!

Answer 9

This is a topic that my husband and I have been talking about (considering adoption) and I would have to say yes.
I would have to help them sometimes needing to know the unknown can eat at a person.
I would think that assisting them would only bring you closer verses forbidding them or not giving them valuable information.

I would seek myself and ask how I would feel put into their shoes...would you want to know and would you want your parents to help you?
Best wishes

Answer 10

Yes I would help them as long as they made a rational and well thought out decision to do this. Also I would want them to be as best prepared as they could for what emotional stress might happen once they do meet their parents. I think if I knew thats what my kid really wanted then I would support them and help them.