At what age do you tell an adopted child that they were adopted??

Answer 1

I was adopted at only a few months old, and I could not tell you when my parents came right out and told me. They would always work the story into bedtime stories, about how they adopted me (using more vague terminology), in order to normalize the adoption concept to me at a very young age. It was in this way that when I would ask the "where do babies come from questions" that parents have to respond to at an age that they may not particularly be ready to talk about in terms of sexuality (think the stork response), they were able to refer to their stories as a reference for me. There's been a lot of adoption in my mother's family as they have difficulty maintaining pregnancy to term, so I'm don't doubt this is something that has been refined over the years. They were never afraid to show me what little paperwork they had, which was only immunization records and medical histories of my bios, that way it was never a secret on any level.

On the other hand, I know many people who haven't learned until they were teenagers or even adults. That just never works.

Answer 2

I think that varies. Everyone has a different opinion, however, I feel there are ways by "story telling" at a very young age that the process can begin. Normally, the adopted child begins the inquisition around 7-9 years old. If they have some preliminary info, "open info" it is helpful for the true explaining to begin. It's a personal choice however, and I don't think there is a right time, but too, would hope that an adoptive parent would not wait until the child is over 10 to have the discussion. I think it would be devastating to learn when you are older, especially in the teen years when there are so many emotional obstacles due to hormones as it is!!! Adoption is a very loving option, it should be talked about more!!!!

Answer 3

I think they should be told from the beginning. It doesn't hurt the child. My mom's friend adopted her son while he was only a week old. He knew while he grew up that he was adopted and it didn't effect him in anyway. He knew he had a birth mother and a "love" mother. He is now 35 and rich from the I.T. buisness.

One of my highschool friend's entire family was adopted (her, and older sister and a much younger brother). She was told from an early age that she was adopted and given background on her family history as she asked about it (her parents were of Scottish decent and she was Native American). She had no issues and when she was 18 they told her they would help to find her birth parents.

I think that waiting too long could devestate the child because they already associate birth mothers with their "real" mothers. If, from a young age you make sure that the child knows that you are their "love" mother, then there will not be any issues with it.

Answer 4

Wait until they are old enough to understand it. They'll probably ask why there biological parents gave them up, tell them that they loved them and wanted a good life for them that they couldn't provide. I'd wait until your child was at least 7 or 8. Some parents never tell their adopted children they were adopted until there 18. If you tell them early then they know your not there real parents and they'll feel depressed about it and feel like they don't belong in the family. It's really up to you.

Answer 5

If it is a part of your conversation from the time the child comes into your home than you don't have to worry about that question, because the child will always know.

If you just suddenly tell them one day, it may lead them to feel betrayed by you. It would be like you have been lying to them for X number of years.

If the child has been with you for a while than talk to them about it at your earliest possible convenience.

Even a two year old can understand a simple explaination of what adoption is, and they will come to understand it more fully as they grow up.

Answer 6

I was adopted...it was never a secret. As soon as a child asks questions I would tell them what they could understand. Lying to them or not telling them the truth totally would only make you look and feel dishonest. Hey...there are alot of mothers who adopt....and genetics says a whole lot about your child. Also... I believe in open adoptions.

Answer 7

i always knew, tell them from the beginning, as an adopted child i can say i was so grateful to my parents for always being honest, my 4 adopted siblings feel the same we always felt special, chosen if i had been told at an older age i would have felt my life was a lie, it would have hurt terrible

Answer 8

My dad was told as a teenager (13/14) by a cousin. His mom (adopeted mom) never told him. He was very hurt that they weren't honest about it earlier. He felt betrayed. I think kids that are adopted should be told about it as they are growing up. They should know at the very least they grew in your heart while growing in their biological mom's belly. Then, keep adding to the story as they get older.

I'd start telling them pieces at 3 or 4 depending on the child's age. My husband and I started the adoption process then found out we were pregnant...we still can't wait to adopt our kids...and this is what we will do.

Answer 9

I would tell them from the very beginning. Something like that should not be a secret. What if another family member or friend leaks it out before you have a chance to tell them. My two best friends were adopted (sisters from different birth parents) and they knew their whole lives, it was never a secret. They both found their birth mothers when they were 18. One became friends with hers, the other was VERY disappointed.

Answer 10

I have a friend that was adopted and she was told from an early age around two the truth and the older she got the more it was explained