Jealousy Question?

Question

I have a 2 1/2y/o and a 11m/o.
Both girls are so sweet and play well with each other. But these past few days my 2y/o has gotten to be really upset. I'm 21wks Pg. and finally started showing. We tell my 2y/o that mama is having another "sissy" and she gets so upset. She's gotten to where she wakes up at 4.am and refuses to go back to bed until late at night. If my 11m/o so much as looks at my 2y/o sometimes, my 2y/o screams so bad and hates for my youngest to get close to me. I've done time-outs which have my 2y/o throwing herself down. I talk to her about the role of being a big sister and that she is still our baby and so important to us, but she won't hear any of it. I spend 1on1 time with her every day, i cuddle her alot, we read, play, all sorts, but as soon as my 11m/o wakes up, the screaming starts again. I'm afraid it will get worse when i have this baby. How can i control her temper and help her. I'm always showing my affection and love but she's still upset.

Answer 1

You need to stop treating her as the "older sister" if that makes sense. She's her own individual person and maybe doesn't like just being the big sister. At one point she felt she was number 1 in your world and for some reason doesn't feel that anymore and is afraid that with ANOTHER baby she will be nothing more than just the ignored "big sister". I know you don't ignore her but if you can remember when you were young, how you percieved things were completely different from the reality and she is precieving her baby sisters as attention stealers. Have more one on one time with her. Stop making her act like the big sister and start treating her like the 2 year old she is.

Answer 2

A 2-yr-old believes that he/she is the only person on the planet. It's not personal, and don't think that you are doing something wrong! You're not! It's just a phase, really, it is. When the baby is born, make it HER baby. Have her help you fold clothes and help change and bath. And when the baby is making gas smiles, tell her that they are for her because she's such a great big sister. Meanwhile, my 3-year-old son still has trouble sharing with his little sister. Keep working with them and hang in there. If you need a break, enlist some help...someone to take the biggest one out for a couple of hours each day so you can have the little one alone. If you'd like to know some of the things I have done (which I found worked great) email me! Take care and good luck!

Answer 3

I think maybe you need to quit all the "baby talk" for awhile. She probably is sick (for lack of a better word) of hearing the words "new baby" or "big sister". Drop it for awhile and see if that helps.

After a few days/weeks, bring it back up again but this time subtley. Read her books about being a big sister, and include your 11 month old in on it. Refer to them *both* as big sisters. The 11 month old won't understand what it means, but it will help your 2 yr. old to see that she and her sister will both be getting a new sibling and that she's not alone in this new change.

When your oldest screams, ignore it. Don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't put her in time out. Ignore it! She will learn that this behavior doesn't get her attention and she will quit doing it.

Answer 4

First of all, time outs do not work with children that young because they do not have a concept of time as you and I do. That is a higher level thinking skill. Your child also has an egocentric state of mind (all kids that young do.) It's all about me, me, me kind of attitude. This is something that she will grow out of with help. As far as the temper tantrums go you need to ignore her. She is doing it for attention. She is afraid that when you have this baby that even more attention is going to be drawn away from her. After she calms down you need to explain (in nice tone) to her not that she is still your baby but that she is going to be someones big sister. It is up to her to behave and show the little ones what they are supposed to do. Continue to love your child but also instill in her the sense of responsibility. I work with children her age everyday. With time and patience it can be done.

Answer 5

Dam that's a wild kid man what did you do to her oh wait never mind. The best thing that i can say is when ever the younger sister does something ask the older one if she is will to do anything. ex baby crying honey wanna get this for _me? or for her?_ then maybe you can see what going though her mind and possibly the way she feels. big sister has reasonably now.

Answer 6

maybe have her watch a video with a character she likes like arthur or dora the explorer where the character starts out not like the new baby but eventually likes it