He is in prison for 15 years for stranguling me and domestic battery. He strangled me, beat me, left me lying on the floor unconcious, and left. My daughter (then 9) came home and called 911. He was initially arrested on attempted murder charges.
I divorced him and he was sent to prison for 15years determinate and 10 years indeterminate. My daughter and I have both been in counseling because of this and she has made great strides. She is now 11, A student, cheerleader, honor choir, and a happy, healthy child. She misses her dad, though. She was daddys girl before.
Her counselor has agreed to let her see him on a one time visitation to see how it goes. The prison has been pushing me to let her come see him, also.
I am concerned because in Dec he wrote her a letter saying he had cancer and he did not. It devistated her, though. She thought she was going to lose him again. I called the prison and he got in trouble so he wrote me a nasty letter saying what a monster I am.
2007-01-30 07:31:10 · 12 answers · asked by wyldfyre 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My daughter knew her father lied when he lived with us because he did to her all of the time. Her main concern with him now is him lying to her.
I am not sure if it is in her best interest or not to see him at this point. I am so scared of her going backwards in all of her progress. I also want her to see him if it will help her.
I just don't know what to do. I have heard a lot of arguments both ways on this. I know it is good for kids to see both parents, but given the circumstances is it really the best thing? I don't know how she can see him again with out reliving that whole nightmare.
..... And he was a long haul truck diver and on meth and we did not know it. He was coming down and snapped and attacked me. Until then we had the ideal marriage with a new house, new cars, perfect 30's suburbia life.
2007-01-30 07:35:29 · update #1
PS .... I could not get him help. If I had have known I would have tried everything for him. My state takes over on Domestic charges and the victim has no say. I did not even testify.... the hospital evidence spoke for itself on how brutally he hurt me. I did not know he was on meth until he was sentenced 4 months later.
My daughter is in counseling as a preventative measure as this is too much for a child this age to handle herself. Counseling does not automatically mean you are depressed.... just that you need help with processing events in your life.
2007-01-30 07:56:31 · update #2
I know the place you are in exactly, my kids have a father in prison as well and he was abusive towatds me and them as well. Even though he has been put in prison for sexual mis conduct with a child I have honestly left it up to my 14, 13 and 12 year old kids to make the choice to see him or not. My 12 year old does not even write him and I have to make the older two write him. He too writes says he has heart attacks, cancer , open heart surgery and so on, it is a criminal game, they learn it well there. Honestly the decision is up to your daughter, the reason for this is because you do not want her to ever be able to say to you that you denied her access to her father. That will ruin your relationship and it sounds like you really have a good life together. If you have to get a court appointed person to go with her to the visit. Believe me it may scare you but do not fear, he will show her his true colors one way or another and she will see right through him. Better in prison where she is safe than in the outside world where he could possibly hurt her. I hope everything goes well for you and your little girl. Love her and keep God in her life and she will love you forever for it. If you needto talk please email me. God Bless!! Claire
2007-01-30 08:57:10 · answer #1 · answered by Claire 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay and breath please for a few moments. First of all, he's been lying to the BOTH of you for how long now? Plus, he has the audacity to lie to his daughter about having cancer in prison, when he clearly doesn't. Then, the guy has the juavous to write you a nasty letter for checking his story out whilst he's in prison? Let's not forget the illegal drug use or the attempt on your life that left your nine year old daughter to come home and find you bruised, battered and unconscious on the floor. I'd say this guy has some really big problems. Were I you, I'd wait until he got some real counseling from a psychiatrist and made some really good progress with it before EVER letting MY little girl go see this individual period.Even if he IS stuck behind bullet proof glass, probably not even then.
2007-01-30 07:53:22 · answer #2 · answered by mangamaniaciam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As difficult as your situation is, its really not. Your being the best mom you can be and have helped heal her throughout this whole thing, why on earth would you put her right back where she started? He's where HE belongs and she shouldn't have to go to PRISON to see him. If he genuinely wanted to turn over a new leaf for her, he wouldn't have lied about having cancer to try and force a "guilt visit". He's got plenty of time to rehabilitate, so let him.
2007-01-30 07:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
well because of the circumstances i would say cut all ties for you and your daughter.think of your daughter. she doesn't need to see that side of life or the abusive side of it either. if you have visits with him and let him back into your life there is a good chance that she will grow up thinking that this type of behavior is ok. just protect that little girl she's been through enough. it's time to be mama bear now. good luck
2007-01-30 08:19:55 · answer #4 · answered by ber-ber21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your daughter has a very good head on her shoulders and as you said she's made great strides.....i dont' think one supervised visit would destroy that. If I were you I wouldn't want my daughter to see him considering the things he did to you, but ultimately, I would leave it up to her. I wouldn't be pressured by the prison in the slightest though, this is a decision for you and your daughter to make.
2007-01-30 07:49:44 · answer #5 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter wants to see her dad, her wishes should be respected. I am sure that she has unresolved issues, and to see and talk to him may help, tho it may also open up new issues for her. The important thing is what is best for her. We dont get to choose our parents, and it may be learning experience for her. Keep the communications open with her, and continue the counciling if necessary. And try hard to keep your issues with Dad separate.
2007-01-30 07:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by renegade_dancer5678 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If her therapist is recommending letting her see him, then by all means, do not get in the way of her healing process. Take her the one time and then let her and the therapist process how she feels and whether or not she wants to see him again.
You are right to be careful, but don't let your caution impede her healing.
2007-01-30 07:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think u should let her see her father butlisten to the conversation and tell her the lies afterwards and get a reatraning order for the both of u
2007-01-30 07:50:19 · answer #8 · answered by SirNovajr. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow , you sent your husband to jail. You should have tried to get him help. But then again, I was not there.
Meth makes people crazy.
As for what to do with your daughter, you are the mother.
YOU make those choices not the prison,not counselors, YOU.
Take some time and think on it. You have plenty of time and you hold the reins.
When he straightens up and stops lieing to her and gets off drugs, consider it.
What harm would it do to wait?
What harm will it do to do it now - without thinking on it first?
THink with your head not your heart.
If she is soo happy, why is she in counseling?
Im not so sure if over dramatizing the situation or handling it correctly. But I do not know, I was not there.
Just THINK, before you act, in whatever you do.
2007-01-30 07:42:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
I think you should let your daughter see him because its not her fault that yall two got divorced!!!! Just let her see him off and on and then from there you will see.......Thats true its best when a child knows both of their parents!!!!! If he is rude to her at the prison then you shouldn't let her see him!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck !!!
2007-01-30 07:45:35 · answer #10 · answered by baby_ems_girl 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋