My cousin molested me when we were little. He was a teenager?

Question

and I was from the ages of 4-8. I forgive him, and he is my family and I care about him as a person. I do not hate him.
I told my dad and there was no more contact, thank god.

My mother was furious when I was little and blamed me for breaking up the family. She was very close to them.
I love my mother and I forgive her too.

My cousin tells people it was nothing but innocent games of dr and stuff kids do. I disagree. I am still emotionall scarred by this.
This was something I went to couseling for - once, and never have talked to anyone ever again about.
He even has told guys I have date, that nothing happened and I was little.
I know and remember and it hurts me very bad, when my boyfriend tells ME nothing happened to me.
I hurt soo bad. Am I wrong? Is this person just wrong even though he was like 14/15 then?

I guess I was too young to know what was going on and when I did I told my dad, trust me that was good enough. He was going to kill him.
Just mixed feelings and emotions for me right now after 15+ years.

Answer 1

Thank goodness you had a dad, who made sure there was no contact between you and your cousin.

I'm very glad that you have a forgiving soul. If you didn't have love in your heart then you would be full of hate.

If "nothing happened" then why does your cousin feel the need to let everyone know that nothing happened? He is guilty and he knows what he did to you was wrong.

Answer 2

I am a survivor too. Don't let ANYONE get you down ... NO ONE.

You need to do a few things:

1. Pray.

2. Call and make an appointment with a shrink. Find a good therapist or psychiatrist. If medicine is something you are comfortable to take, try it. If not, try therapy. It works, trust me.

3. Cut the fat from your life. This means cut anyone and anything out of your life that involves drama; unloving mother, dumber-than-a-rock boyfriend, evil cousin, etc. YOU have to stand up for yourself, don't settle.

4. Contact authorities. If you are not comfortable with calling the police yet, try a rape crisis line. (1-800-656-HOPE (4673)) Talk to them, let it all out, and don't be scared. Be sure to speak with police and a Sex Crime Investigator, pursue any charges should this fall within statutes of limitations. You may not have been the only victim, save others before its too late.

This wasn't your fault, you have NOTHING to be ashamed about. You are NOT alone.

Good luck and much true love to you.

Answer 3

Your mother sucks. Tell her I said that. She's inhumane, inconsiderate, immoral, uneducated, naive, and just plain STUPID. 14-15 years old is DEFINATELY old enough to be punished for molesting a child. Your cousin sounds very manipulative... He's even turning your own boyfriends against you!

Best advice: STOP being so passive about the whole situation. Tell your mother that she can be as NAIVE as she wants, but you KNOW what he did to you. Calmly ask her why you would possibly want to lie about such a horrible thing. Also, seek counseling with a professional. The emotional damage that your cousin has caused you is heartbreaking, and your family only seems to be making it worse.

Also, if your boyfriend doesn't believe that you were molested, DUMP HIM. he obviously isn't sensitive enough to know when someone's lying, and when they're telling the truth... do you really want to be around someone like that?

Answer 4

Sweetie, it wasn't your fault. Your mother was wrong for blaming you for breaking up the family. As a fourteen or fifteen year old teenager, your cousin should have known better. Your cousin is wrong for denying he ever molested you. I sure hope he has apologized. You still should try counseling. I don't mean to sound rude so please forgive me if I do; obviously, you are still emotionally hurt by this. When someone is emotionally hurt, it can lead to drugs and alcohol or even suicide. Sorry if I scared you. Your cousin shouldn't be telling the guys you date either. I'm sorry if you love your boyfriend, but he is completely wrong for telling you nothing happened. You are not wrong one bit but you should seek counseling.
I hope you feel better:)

Answer 5

I'm sorry, I know how you feel.
Yes, he was wrong and should have been dealt with back then, your Dad's way. He was old enough to know what he was doing was wrong and was playing on your age.
Get rid of him and your mother, they're both really messed up in the head and will have no remorse or clue to what they have done to you. I understand the feeling of wanting to do the right thing and forgive them, but sometimes, like now, they don't deserve one, it should be the other way around. Just be grateful for people like your Dad, who are willing to fight for you and your right to live life without fear.

Answer 6

You are so not wrong. You are a very strong person for forgiving everybody about these things. If was not your fault for breaking up the familiy it was his. people are put in jail for things like this it is very serious. your mom should have not blamed anything on you and maybe should have done something about it. what if he has a little girl someday and does that same things he had done to you. no one should have to go through that. As for your man. kick his butt to the curb. He should always be on your side and comfort you when this comes up or at least kick your cousin butt or something. Im sorry for what you have gone through.

Answer 7

I am sorry for what you had to go through.You say that you have received counseling and you clearly need to continue with your therapy.As far as your cousin saying nothing happened and it was innocent games of DR he is obviously in denial he was wrong to do what he did and you probably need to just stay clear of him.As far as your boyfriend saying that nothing happened to you why are you even with this guy if he is not compassionate for you from what you went through.Your boyfriend sound's like an *** and you deserve better.

Answer 8

First of all your mother SHOULD NOT have been angry at you for this wasnt your fault. How dare she suggest it!
And yes he was wrong to do it no matter his age.
He also should not be telling anyone about it as though it was not a big problem, why did you not go to the police- family member or not it should not have happened!
Go and talk with a counseler about what happened if you are uncomfortable talking with your family.

Answer 9

look i was molested from the age of 7 to 13 and i knew at 7 that something wasn't right. first he should not have done that to you maybe he was in turn molested and felt that it was ok. who knows but there is no reason that you should be getting treated like that from your bf and family. i would start seperating yourself from the people that bring you down.what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. trust me i know. the thing is is that with something like this it is very hard to feel secure enough to tell someone. you should be proud that at that age you were secure enough to tell. it took me six years. hold your head high girl. it can't rain all the time.

Answer 10

You have every right to have mixed feelings and emotions.
What a big heart you have to have chose to forgive him.
You were way to young for your cousin to be playing such games with.
Why is he still around and why does he have communication with your boyfriends?
Why are they your bf listening to what he has to say.
Yes, Family is important however when they continue to bring pain in your direction it is not a healthy thing.
I think I would #1 not bring my bf around my cousin (in his 20's right)
2. get another bf because obviously his loyalty is in the wrong court.
3. find a way to have little to do with your cousin or TELL HIM TO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT, THE PAST IS DONE AND TALKING ABOUT IT BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES AND IGNITES THE PAIN ALL OVER AGAIN.

Best Wishes