My mother gave me up for adoption when I was 3 days old to my grandparents. After me she when on to have 2 other kid, in all she has 9, in which I'm da 7th one. Should i have some type of resentment against her.
2007-01-30 06:59:36 · 33 answers · asked by Brownie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It depends. Me, I would have been mad because it clearly shows that she has no love for her children. Has she given up the others as well? If so then ya I would be mad.
2007-01-30 07:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by Dr.LLP BunBun 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No... it sounds like she did the responsible, even the most loving thing, for you. It's very difficult to care for so many children. She doesn't have enough time, attention, or money to raise seven or more kids. At the moment you were born, these things were probably high on her mind. Since she gave you to her parents instead of putting you up for adoption by a stranger, this shows that the descision was very hard for her and she really loves you because she wants to keep you in the family-- she doesn't want to lose you even if she can't raise you.
Then she went on to have two other children, which she kept. I think this is PROOF that she felt SO GUILTY about giving you up that she couldn't BEAR to do it again to the other two children-- she knew she'd feel as terrible as she did about giving you up and can't stand to have those feelings again! The reason she didn't ask your grandparents to give you back is probably because she thinks it's best for you to remain with the family that has been raising you-- and many people would agree with her thinking.
She obviously was trying to do what was best for you and the whole family by giving you to your grandparents, and she obviously was and still is very torn up over giving away her baby, even though she still kept you in the family, because she loved you from the very start.
She made a very difficult decision that doesn't have a clear "right answer" when you were 3 days old, and it turns out she made it wrong. Please forgive her.
2007-01-30 07:08:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be perfectly normal to have resentment towards your mother for giving you up for adoption but it isn't healthy to harbor those feelings. Your grandparents adopted you & hopefully they gave you a good home & taught you values & morals. We all make choices in life & they aren't always the right ones & someday, you'll know what I mean. Perhaps your mom thought she was doing the right thing by giving you up for adoption, since she obviously couldn't afford to raise you. Only your mother can tell you why she chose to have two more children after having you, but that's neither here nor there now. I speak from experience & can relate to your question or perhaps what you're feeling. We always ask "why" didn't my mom want me, I know I did for many years while growing up. (I was the youngest of six) I now know why I was adopted by my aunt & uncle, after being in many foster homes, & in the Children's Home & I hate to think what my life would have been like, had I stayed with my mom & siblings. Consider it a blessing that you were adopted & try not to look back & hold resentment against your mom for giving you up for adoption. We all make mistakes, so try to find forgiveness in your heart, & have a happy life.
2007-01-30 07:23:36 · answer #3 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your resentment would be from your heart, no one knows how this has effected you on a mental level. I do know several people that are in the same situation as yourself. My sister-in-laws younger brother is actually her Aunts boy, 2nd born out of 4 children, and her mothers sister was finacially unable to provide for him at the time he was born and asked her sister to adopt him. My daughters best friend was adopted by her Mothers parents, when her Mother became pregnant she was unmarried and wanted a career, her Grandparents talked her out of an abortion and offered to raise the baby as their own. My Granddaughters baby-sitter adopted her husbands Granddaughter and is raising her as their own and in the last year have adopted the other 2 girls (full blooded sisters) as well due to their biological mother passing away from cancer. Another family, not so pleasent to hear this one, had 3 sets of children. They had 3 girls, when they became teens their parents decided to have more children, 4 boys were born. When the youngest boy entered school, the oldest daughter gave birth to her fathers child (an insest child) and that child was adopted into the family as a sibling. None of these people have ever, to my knowledge, blamed their biological mother for anything it is just the life delt to them. I like to look at the otherside, things could be worse than given up to people that want you, you could be in a house of abuse or neglect like so many others
2007-01-30 07:21:34 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could be mad at her, but what good would it do you? She doesn't exactly sound like a roll model. Did you learn anything from this experience? Does she have any of the other children with her? If so, what are their lives like? Do you have a good life where you are? I think you should be grateful not to be with her. She probably has way too much drama in her life, and you so don't need that. Get your education and learn from other peoples mistakes. BTW, give your grandparents a big hug, and tell them how much you love and appreciate them for taking care of you for all these years.
2007-01-30 07:08:20 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have resentment. It's best to deal with these things with a licensed therapist as I'm sure you have some issues with your mother giving you up so quickly and not to mention has 8 other children. Don't be mad though honey. Try to find out your past history and come to terms with it. Use it as a guide for how not to treat your babies when you get to that point in your life to have one or two:) Good Luck honey. Hope you get the help you need.
2007-01-30 07:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by msdrdn 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your mother gave you birth. Try to look at the situation from a positive outlook. But if she has 9 kids and gave them all away and is doing drugs or soemthing maybe that is irresponsibleness. It is normal to feel resentment but maybe she gave you up outta love because she couldnt care for you. Ask her...and if it turns out bad just know that there are ppl who REALLY love you out there.
<3 M.C.
2007-01-30 07:03:34 · answer #7 · answered by morena0kizzez 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. But if you can, talk to her and find out why she did what she did. It will help you understand. Be grateful that she was smart enough to realize she couldn't raise you the way you needed to be and that your grandparents took you in. Have a heart to heart mother/daughter talk if at all possible.
2007-01-30 07:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by b-recca 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are much better off with your grandparents, but yeah, I thinks it's perfectly normal to hold resentment about that kind of thing
2007-01-30 07:03:04 · answer #9 · answered by tx girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forgive, but don't forget.
As a Mother, I know that making a decision like that (giving up a child) would be the hardest one ever. She probably did the best thing for you. Be thankful that she loved you enough to know that someone else could do it better and that she was brave enough to admit it! Good luck to you.
2007-01-30 07:06:24 · answer #10 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother put you where you could grow up safe and protected. Instead of wasting your energy being mad at her, use it to go give your Grandparents a big hug and thank them for loving you.
2007-01-30 07:03:48 · answer #11 · answered by Terri J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋